Realisation

That child is fragile. I realise that now.
No matter how much of scolding or pushing, you can't make glass stronger. You can't reinforced something that has already been molded and made.

He needs me much more than I need him. We both know that.
But will I be as cruel as to let a flightless bird jump out the nest for my best interest?

The clock is ticking, minds are running, arguments fly.
While I stand with my armour on, I see the boy with emotional wounds he struggles to patches everyday. I do admire him though, after so much he is still going at it. He must have one heck of a motivational drive for him to get out of bed every morning.

Time will tell what happens next.
I made my move, his turn now to move his piece. 

The world stops spinning.

After a while, I came to realise the world stopped caring.

Everyone has their own things, their own commitments, their own schedules..

The friend I thought cared the most seemed just distant now.. An offer to catch up ignored, with the question answered with another question.. What do you do when the person you go to when something goes wrong stops caring?.. The world feels like it stops spinning..

Maybe I just have too much time on my hands right now.. Things with puppy are just messed up.. Seems like we argue everyday.. His feelings towards me hasn't changed but i'm slowly falling out of it.. He got his own place now, and i just found out he has a housemate. A girl, arranged by puppy's mother to share a house with him..

I'm just so messed up. I'm crying while writing this, and at the same time i'm angry.. My train of thought just keeps darting around to the point i can't even focus on anything.. What is wrong with me?..

Anyone else cries on their birthday?..

The one day i'm suppose to feel special, I don't.. Every year I get my hopes up thinking this year i would feel like a prince but i never do.. I get jealous really.. How everyone gets amazing celebrations, surrounded with friends and presents.. I got one coin box from puppy and dinner the day before with him as well as a wallet from my sister this year for my 22nd birthday.. Had dinner with relatives on my birthday this year and since i'm the youngest among my cousins, I'm always the last one to get my food from the sharing plate, usually left with scraps, like the ribs of the chicken with hardly anything on it.. And when I don't eat much cause there is nothing left, I get asked whats wrong with me.. It fucking sucks..

Its almost 5am now and I can't sleep..

I want to be left alone but i don't want to be if that makes sense..

The walls are closing down on me.. I'm reaching out for help and i just see people with their backs turned.,

I wouldn't mind leaving the world, and never coming back..