406 : Halloween Special!

So its Halloween! Time to post up kinky costume pictures ghost stories!

What better way to celebrate Halloween than having paranormal stories that aren't from a friend's cousin's neighbor's uncle but directly from friends?

I initially wanted to write about my mum's stories but I guess those stories are meant for another time. 

Up to you to believe it or not but there are people that have the ability to see the paranormal. What people say is true though, people who can usually look tired, or just admits a different aura from them. So happens my work place has two staff which posses this ability, both working in the back kitchen.

Gonna cut all the suspense off since I'm too lazy to write about them..

Work Place Horror.
-          Hernie do get the duty of locking the doors at night after the restaurant closes for the night. Its usually the waitstaff who leaves first after clearing up the front of house, followed by the kitchen hands who can leave after cleaning up their respective areas. The kitchen supervisors though, have to ensure everything is in order, type out a report before closing up, which in time would be around 12am in the morning. Countless times, she have reported seeing a shadow sitting on the tables closest to the front door. Being used to seeing all "them", she just does her work and leave.

-          Once a customer left his phone in the restaurant after dinner. The next morning he came over asking if anyone picked up his phone. Our manager conveniently went and check the CCTV. What she shocked the whole group watching the CCTV footage together. Seeing a ghostly figure walking around the restaurant around 5am.. WTF?? FASTFORWARD!!

-          Lots of weird stuff happened to the restaurant. A friend of mine poured drinks and places the cup on the table. Few seconds later the cups just exploded and shattered into pieces without anyone touching them. Another was during morning shift, a workmate came in to see glasses pieces all around the counter. Apparently more than 10 cups just shattered overnight.

-          This happened around 2 months ago. Apparently no one knows except for a few of us (Thats how much i'm a gossip that news like this would reach me..). One of the chefs were organizing the kitchen store room when he heard children in the kitchen. When he turned around, he saw little kids running about the store room and ran out to the kitchen. Shocked he asked the kitchen hand if he saw anything. Confused kitchen hand he was, Hernie came over and said nothing happened and asked everyone to get back to work..

When I asked him what he saw he described the place as a kindergarten. Kids running around, screaming and playing. Hernie saw them too and shurg it off, asking everyone to get back to work. Words from them "NOBODY CAN EVER KNOW!! Will ruin the whole restaurant reputation". But from what they say is that, "they" are actually everywhere. That's why we don't talk about them, you'll never know if they are beside you. Thing about seeing them.. They describe the feeling as eerie, that the moment you see them your natural instinct would be to look away and not to take a second look. Their faces are blurred and you just know they aren't natural..

So much for that, i'm telling everyone of you.. But to those that actually know where I work, I do urge you to keep shush about this.. lol

I'm suppose to be studying and my singaporean friend is giving me death stares thus the crappy written post.. Heh.

Happy Halloween!
Leonut

405 : How do I tell my friends?

So to all you people all there with the question "how do I tell my friends that I'm gay?", you got to learn the few points to this curious questions.

Point number ONE.
-Nobody in the world is forcing you to come out to your friends.
Take your time, if you are uncomfortable with yourself, how the hell are you going to be comfortable with them? The closet is a comfortable space, take Narnia for example, its huge as fuck, with mountains, castles and shit, stay there as long as you want till Azlan tells you its time to leave, Azlan meaning yourself.

Point number TWO
-Everyone goes through that "what if they don't accept me" question.
Simple, if they don't accept you, move along and make new friends! Clearly they aren't your true friends if they won't accept you and frankly, I wouldn't want to be friends with some narrow minded sons of bitches too. Think about it, a married man will see his wife's nude face all the time, her bitchy friends however, will see her only when she has a full set of 'I'm-fabulous" make up. Don't get bitchy friends, get a husband!

Point number THREE
-We are all around you!
Don't go "Everyone around me is straight". My dear, don't think you are so good at hiding your gayness, you aren't the only actor around. And cut all this bullshit about straight acting and all. Unless you secretly wish to carry a handbag and wear XSS clothes but don't, you aren't acting shit. You are who you are! The way you talk, the way to carry yourself, be comfortable with it and shut up with all these "i'm tired of acting straight in front of my friend", what? Do you want to hump a dude in front of them?

Point number Four
-They probability already know.
I recently told my close friend and she told me she never expected. But that's beside the point, she mentioned that even if someone suspects another person to be gay, chances are they will not ask, at least I know most people around me won't. It would be damn embarrassing if you asked a straight guy if he was gay and  might also ruined your relationship with him. Long story short, they might just be waiting for you to tell them and they CAN wait. People's gaydars are getting stronger and stronger.

Point number Five
-Sometimes, it makes no difference even if they knew.
For me, the topics I talk about with my friends don't revolve around relationships or sex, so it really made no difference. Unless you plan to talk about who you did in bed, or who's hand you hold, it doesn't make a difference really. There are plenty of things to talk about other than sex. Its nice to have people to tell all these things to but just don't let it be the main reason you push yourself to out yourself.

All in all, just be comfortable with yourself. Life is short, friends come and go. Don't be down if you think your friends might reject you. If people make jokes or make fun of the gay community with or in front of you, by all means, you don't have to defend and speak up against them if you are uncomfortable, but please don't take it as a direct assault towards you. Most people who make fun of the gay community don't have close gay friends. When someone do come out to them, you'll never know if their prospective will change. With that said, gay bullying however, please speak up against that..

Love life,
Good luck,
Leonut

P.s. Don't be so eager for a boyfriend too! They will come!

404 : The spotlight

After almost 21 years, I realize something, I never liked to be in the spotlight of people, at least not deliberately. I would never know how to act, smile till my face twitch? or scan around for a spot to stare at?
I remember a few years back when my class sang happy birthday to me I nearly died of awkwardness, I just stared down on the floor the whole time wishing "happy birthday" had 2 verse instead of 4. I can see however, my friends aren't victim to this social awkwardness.

Few days ago during a party we sang happy birthday to a friend, her reaction?
She proceeded to jump off a chair to the middle of the room, did the muscle biceps pose with her thumbs pointing at herself, nodding her head up and down with a 'yeah bitches, its my birthday, sing to me' expression. Freaking, Epic.

On the same party, a group of friends bought gifts for me as a thank you for choreographing and training them for a dance production. Other choreographers cried, some cheered with friends, me?

I hid behind my friend for a clear minute, hugging him so he wouldn't run away, trying my best to get away from that situation where all eyes were on me.. When they actually manage to pry both of us apart, I was surprised with flowers, dancing shoes and a card with thanks. Words cannot describe that feeling! I just wanted to hug them and never let go! I was blushing so much!

Could it be that I have this awkwardness due to the fact that I've never really celebrated my birthday before, maybe twice at most. I seldom get gifts and all as well. I'm still learning..

Speaking of spotlights, on stage however, I LOVE THE SPOTLIGHT! That feeling of 'Yea bitches! All eyes on me!' is one form of spotlight I love! I guess most dancers live for that feeling, the adrenaline rush, that moment where your whole world disappears and all you know is you are on stage, the music and beat is echoing through the whole theater, and your body goes into autopilot when muscle memory kicks in. Pure bliss!

Anyways, after 2 hectic weeks of practices, the performance of the year is over, leaving most of us with post-depression, refreshing the social media every few minutes hoping videos get posted or pictures get uploaded.. Performed shirtless on stage, what a new experience.. =P

Till next time,
Love,
Leonut

403 : Keep your D*CK dry!

Seriously.. Don't think he is even trying.. LOL 20-30 people on my D*CK at once?

Leonut
*Sorry the video didn't appear the first time.. My bad. ><

402 : Death is stupid.

I don't know how I stumbled across this video (I'm not suicidal..), but this just makes me tear up..

I know recently someone passed away from a hit and run incident.
Seeing friends post tributes to him and all just breaks my heart honestly..

But live and let die?..
I don't know..

The video is about suicide though, but I can assume the after effects, although not severe, can be similar when you see people taken away unexpectedly..

Just thinking about death just confuses me..
Bittersweet?

Don't know..

If i died right now, the thing I want most is for my parents to know about me..
To read my blog if possible and finally know me in detail and understand me completely..
Hopefully to accept me as well...

Lol, tiring day!
I need to get my study engine going.. =(

Leonut

401 : How do you?

Lol.. its like finally reaching 400 post after 2 years and I abandoned my blog..

Well, honestly saying, I can describe myself as depressed for the past month or two..
What do you do when reality hits and every bad aspect of your life just flushes in front of your eyes repeatedly, replaying every morning the second your feet touches the carpet floor when you get out of bed, or lock eyes with yourself infron't of the mirror?

Funny isn't it? How my blog has been going on and on about the same topic about how unhappy I am, big contrast from when I started blogging..

Dance..
The only thing that used to keep me sane..
Its really degrading when you worked so hard and tried your best but still come short against others. Been dancing so long but here I am seeing people that have just started dancing recently just surpass me in every aspect, rendering myself as a "second choice" or kicking me out of the running when being picked for video projects. Just makes me wonder what they have that I don't. I watch for angles, watch for how hard each step suppose to be hit or executed, I know I need improvements but am I really worst than those people that can't even keep count or stay in blocking? The only thing I excel in my dance group is Latin dancing but sometimes it just feels that the only reason I get noticed for Latin dancing is because most people in my dance group don't dance Latin, or never taken classes before.. If more people learned it, will I be shadowed as everything else?..

Speaking of Latin dancing, a simple photo shoot as the promo for our upcoming performance, my dance partner got selected to be a model since Latin is the "sexy" in the dance world, the male model however, was a close friend. That's okay with me but when he pulled out of it, a guy that can't even do simple spins, have to be given special attention when learning choreography gets chosen as a model when I was expected next in line... Does that mean my looks aren't good enough?.. Too short? Face problem?.. Not build enough?..

Been hitting the gym so often and my body is progressing so slow... Would love to hire a personal trainer but my wallet is thin enough as it is.

Failing a paper last semester, I got a choice to do summer school, overload on subjects (5 per semester) or extend a semester. I really wanted to take summer school to take off the heavy loan because I am confident overloading will only make me do worst but when I actually went to inquire about summer applications after the busy assignment period, I found out applications are closed. Only opened for 12 days?.. So the only option now is to extend a semester but by doing so means to incur unforeseen cost on my Uni funds. I don't know if I can actually bring myself to ask more money from my parents to correct the mistakes I did.

I really need to get a second job to cover for my expenses.. Work changes people, a promotion forces people to change. Work isn't like how it used to be anymore. Friends become enemies and after the promotion, knives are brought out to stab one another. I know every work place have politics but I would rather join somewhere where the politics are already there than seeing everything changed in front of my eyes.

Dance, self image, studies, finance, work.. What else is there..

Relationship..

Arguments so often it makes you just ask yourself questions..
Puppy just sleeps it off and the next day he is practically restored like nothing happened.. My stupid brain however, just takes everything over to the next day and everything just compiles and stacks to a huge pile of crap feeling.. Puppy always say I use distance as an excuse in our fights. Am i wrong to say distance is such a huge factor?

What am I suppose to do now..
Every problem I have is intertwined like a mass snake orgy..

My next few post should be happier.
The thing that I can say I'm really bless is my friends. Group of people I literally see everyday, being sad around them is literally impossible but sometimes I can't help but wonder, big group of over 30 friends.. Besides those really close ones, who is genuinely friends?..

Leonut