380 : I fucked up!!

Yes i know I fucked up.

If i told you I cuddled and kissed someone else less than a month into our relationship would you even have stayed? That's the exact reason why I lied and told you we only cuddled.

But the truth is out. I really thought all the things I did during your whole trip here would be enough to show you how much i love you. Foolish and stupid of me to think I could make up for everything I did.
Was caught off guard yesterday when you were so insecure.. After countless times of telling you I love you and not to feel insecure, I really don't know how to feel when you threaten me saying if i did anything at my STRAIGHT friends birthday party, we are over immediately. A little insulted?.. Insulted that you don't trust me at all even after everything, that you would use that card against me.. Thank god i was drunk when I was talking to you about it yesterday. I cannot imagine what I would do if I was sober when we had that conversation. And yes, I was thinking perfectly straight.

Yups, I'm the asshole. I'm sure everyone agrees. You can go tell Pau or whatever his name, tell everyone and they will all hate me exactly how they did before. Exactly what i deserve. You said yourself you have a lot of guys after you before, so i'm easily replaced i guess.

Since you always say you won't be here when i get back if i did anything, you don't have to be I guess. You are already prepared and ready to leave anytime soon, so might as well..

Bye. 

379 : I'm pissy.

Dear Puppy, 

I'm sorry I'm the pissy one in the relationship.
I know I'm easily annoyed but I'm glad you put up with me.

That day you asked me to go out with your friends, I really didn't want to.
I hate tagging along group dinners..
Everyone would be talking to each other about some inside stories or news and I would just be sitting there. Even when I met up with high school friends after splitting up with the whole group of them in college, I felt so left out and secluded. They were talking about people or past events and I was just there. Seriously felt like i was meeting a new group of people. So that day you asked me to joined you again and again, i agreed, but i was in a terrible mood and when i got there, my mood just got worst. At least after that day, we only meet up with the two of them and not the other girl.

Another reason why i hate meeting new people is the fact that you just sit there to get judged. Maybe not your friends but meeting most people, especially in "our" society, 'meeting up' usually means go out, get judged and then get cut off completely cause you aren't up to par. I know my flaws, i see them everyday in the mirror. Features that looks off, uneven skin, acne and pimples, I already dread them, I don't need others to stare and criticized.

The other day, we walked all the way to DFO to shop, 20 mins just to walk there and you walked through all the shops except 4 or 5 because you were shopping for brands? I was freaking pissed on how much of a waste of time that felt, adding on from the bloody waste of money from the Melbourne Aquarium. Seriously, 58AUD (Rm174'ish) just to see that few number of tanks?? Waste of my hard earn money. 

I'm easily pissed off..
The whole trip you came I was pissed off a number of times and I apologize once again.. Really need to control my temper.

Even when talking with you on whatsapp, I don't know is it because you use wrong words and terms with me that feels like an insult or I think too much but it feels like we argue more than a couple should, mainly cause of me..

Anyways,
Dance again in an hour,
I'll talk to you when I cool down from yesterdays argument.

Leonut

378 : Dear Puppy. I

I only realize I lost my wallet right before I was suppose to pick you up from the train station. I panicked and was rushing to beat your bus from the airport to the train station, ransacking the whole house looking for my train card. Not being able to give you the airport scene you always wanted and foiling your plan to "surprise" me one day earlier, I wanted to make sure i was there when you got down the bus, and sure enough, i made it few mins right before you. =D

I can honestly say I actually forgot how you look like in person. Its been always been a 2D imagine on the other side of the webcam for as long as i remember, as i said before, your pictures don't do your features justice. When I finally saw you, you were so blur looking getting down the bus and dragging your bag. My first thought was "DAYUMM! My baby is cute!!". lol?

Anyways, I was damn excited to see you! Hugs and kisses* when we got home, everything felt like a dream finally being able to feel your warmth and cuddling in bed.

First dinner: fish and chips. I never knew you don't eat salads.. MORE FOR ME!! Quite stupid of both of us to order battered and grilled fish when we both prefer grilled.. -__-..

I'll post pictures of the food and scenery next time k?

Dance in an hour..
Two more hours till you land, how AirAsia is doing you good.. lol

Miss you lots.
Leonut

P.s :You are on the plane home and I'm eating up all the food you left behind.. #fatdieme

376 : How to.. Almost kill pedestrians

As puppy is singing on my bed, i shall teach you guys how to almost accidentally cause pedestrian's death. Through personal experiences of course. 

Many years ago when my siblings and I were still young, our family went on a holiday to Penang Island. Having many street vendors selling miscellaneous china products, dad finally gave in to our constant plea and bought us the most "powerful" imaginary cutting tool : The laser pointer, since it was cheap.

The second we got back to the hotel room, we were like cats taking turns to catch the red dot. Naturally when we got bored we started involving the general public. Twenty stories above the ground, we pointed the laser onto the streets below, usually few meters in front of pedestrians.

First guy I remember who saw it just stood and stare at the laser dot a while before moving on with his busy night life. Most pedestrians did the same thing actually. Stop and stare~ A dog that was being walked actually noticed the dot before being pulled by its jogging owner to hurry along.

It was all fun and games seeing each victim's reaction UNTIL we shined the pointer in front of an elderly woman. SHE RAN!! She stood there, saw it was a laser and ran across the road immediately without even looking out for cars. We all panicked! She could have got into a car accident or something...

That lady must have done shit in her life to even think someone would point a sniper gun at her. Anyways, after we realize how it could be mistaken as a death dot, we stopped and never told our parents..

Lame post to sleepy leonut..
A memory for my blog,

Love,
Leonut.

375 : Wake up

Waking up in the morning and i felt a pair of hands wrapped around my waist..
Turning around just to get kissed..

8 more days i get to sleep with puppy right next to me. <3

374 : Mother's day run.

A 8 km marathon was organized this morning as an appreciation towards mums.
Naturally, the "mother's day run", was interpreted as "Run for your mother" by many of us as a joke for laughs, unknowing the consequences.

Yesterday before dance practice, few of us was sitting together at the back of the dance studio. A close friend of ours, Tsu took out the marathon route map after distributing the marathon number tags to a few friends she collected before hand.

One friend made a joke "Hey, why are you running for your mum? Is she in danger or something?". (Okay, i know it may sound brutal here but the way he said it it purely joking and all of us understood the joke).

We laughed it off but she just stared..

"You know i don't have a mother".

My heart sank just hearing those words! I totally forgot about her situation and most people didn't knew, its not a topic often brought up. Her eyes started tearing and she excused herself to go wash up. We all felt so bad. We just sat there not saying a word..

Apparently her mum passed away 3 years ago, suffering from several cancers, brain cancer ultimately claimed her. Nobody saw Tsu for more than a month during that period of time. I just can't imagine the tears and pain someone feels when they see their mum on the sickbed or worst.. Even i can't bare to see my mum sick with a cough or anything, (Except her morning sneeze fit, that is something in common I share with her and is both entertaining and hilarious to watch.)

I really admire how strong Tsu is honestly. She came back few mins later and she was her old joking self again. Even this mother's day run, she actually organized a group page and manage to persuade many to join the run. Initially I didn't understand why she did it (she isn't a part of the organizers or anything), but I finally see her true intentions.

R.I.P, Tsu's Mother, and Tsu, stay strong always and keep dancing! 

For those of you who can visit your mum, please do. Even if you aren't in good terms with her. I know most people say you should appreciate your mum everyday regardless of what day is that, its true and all, but taking this day to see your mum would just make it all the more special no?

As for my mama back home, I'm going out today to get you the nail polish colour you really wanted. Till we meet again during the holidays mama!

Lots of love,
Your retarded son, 
Leonut

P.s. She pushed you out of her virgina, please love her.
How you got in there in the first place.. Happy Father's day.

373 : Bloggie!

Happy Birthday my little blog.
Serving as a diary for 2 years, I grew to love the blogsphere and got somewhat addicted.
Sadly, occupied with work, dance, studies etc, I seldom have time to log in anymore..

Anyways, busy or not, here are the random few things I appreciate that makes my day.

1. Walking under the rain (Melbourne always have drizzles that feel like snow! If i make sense..)
2. PAYDAY
3. Holding a beloved's hand
4. A cuddle anytime of the day.
5. Feeling of a shirt getting tighter after a good chest workout
6. Feeling a full body of sweat after dance practice.
7. Exploring places, Melbourne has a lot of small streets that hold the nicest things.
8. Hug from friends, especially if they smell good. =3
9. Fried chicken
10. Wank after a long day.

I can go on forever.. But 10 for now.

Happy Birthday Ranting of the boy and a big thank you to who ever is reading this now. =D

Lots of love,
Leonut