397 : Mirrors.

Walked in the room and i could sense the heaviness in the air.
Mellow music playing in the background and puppy sitting on the extra mattress on the floor.

I stared at him and him at me. That brief moment of locking eyes sent a burst of emotional waves through my whole body, before i knew it, I was tearing up. He hugged me in a tight embrace, assuring me everything was going to be okay, that I cannot or rather must not cry.

Hypocrite he was, I knew he was crying when he hugged me. Pushing out, I could see his face and his signature adorable frown. Thinking of how much i would miss him made the flood gates open. We just stood in the center of the room, rocking our bodies from side to side, twirling around slowly in each other's arms while the music playing over.

Just taking in the warmth, the hypnotizing scent of his, the tightest of his grip, everything felt so comfortable like I was in another dimension. That moment felt like it could last forever.. That was, until i opened my mouth..

L : Baby..
P : Yea?..
L : I need to ask you something..
P : Hmm?...
L : WTF IS THIS SONG?? Its like going on forever and ever!! Not sickening meh??
P : WHAT?? Its Mirrors by JT.
L : Why so long?
P : It's 8 mins..
L : WHY??
P : Stupid la you..

And that's when the moment of sweetness just died off, hugging stopped, tears dried up instantly and we were laughing again.

Leonut, 

the destroyer of sweet moments,

 not only once, 

but countless times....
Which pisses puppy off sometimes.. 

-

-

-

-

-

-

Don't know why I suddenly had the urge to write out this memory of our last day together in Melbourne. Just miss his freaking cute frown.. Sounds odd right?.. Like a boyfriend that likes seeing the other sad.. Just makes me want to hug him to make him smile again.

I can't listen to Mirrors without that moment playing in my mind anymore. The song became our couple song without us really knowing. Always cry when i hear that song now.  Sob Sob..

Busy week ahead!

Leonut

396 : Worked to the bone

My manager is the King, she and her Queen rule the whole of my workplace.

The queen, obviously, can do what ever shit she wants, as many mistakes she wants or the worst drinks her unfortunate ability allows her to do, and no one can say anything in the fear the King might make life a living hell.

The King, trying to cut cost, has implemented the stupidest rules I have ever faced in my life. Several shifts I have even felt like crying seeing how bullshit the rules are.

Water is free in Australia, you can go to any restaurant and they will give you table water (Tap water in a big 1L glass bottle), so a table of 3 will have 3 cups on their table, and if they order drinks, you will have 6 cups. Each shift, only one staff is assigned to make drinks for the whole restaurant, that makes up almost 40 tables. You can say its only drinks, how hard is it right? 

WRONG!

Shit lot of work just to make a cup of hot drink. Fastest I can make the signature drink takes about 30 seconds with the recipes and all. So imagine during busy periods, where one min can have orders for almost 15 drinks accumulated from different tables, how long would that take to clear? and the orders keep coming in with the high table turn over. However, making drinks is part of the job, getting to make drinks takes the trust from the King that you can actually perform before she will train you. Can be proud to be selected to make drinks.

What fuckery am i complaining about then? The King has decided we can cut labour cost if we eliminate the staff that suppose to be washing the cups for you. So the person making the drinks have to manage the whole restaurant AND wash cups and fill water bottles.

The whole sink just fills up in 30 mins during busy hours even though its a deep sink and the side of the sink piled up with glass bottles to be filled. Once it took my friend 45 mins just to clear the whole sink of cups and bottles after shift. So now, we are suppose to do everything alone.Damn bullshit. Last Sunday i nearly cried during shift. After 2 hours of making drinks non stop, i turned around just to see more than 20 empty bottles and 2 sinks filled with cups to be washed. Worst part is, the cups and bottles continue to come in, table for 2 brings in 4 cups, table for 4, 8 cups. 

After everyone complained, fucker manager decided to send a proposal to make a bigger sink. Like her brain is in use right? When her stupid proposal failed, she decided to improvise. Now, when it gets really busy, we will take all the cups and bottles, put them in big buckets and then push them to the back so "the sink will be clear and we can put more cups and bottles, and then you can wash them later"

How stupid can she be???

Everyone that does drinks just learns to swear 10 times more. 

Underpaid and overworked..

Rant rant rant!

396 : Study..

Just feel so stressed..
Its only second week of uni and I have friends hardcore studying already and I'm just sitting here..

Honestly i'm not sure why but no matter how hard i try to study, i never have the patience for it. I would read two lines and my brain just turns off completely. Always gave myself the excuse that I'm a nocturnal person and I work better "under pressure". Who am i kidding? The big fat fail i got last semester obviously proves how much of a joke that was.

Just feel like I'm so behind everyone. Everyone is speeding ahead in life, studying, getting high distinction average, looking for internship. Basically everyone has their foundation build up for their life and i got nothing.. Wasting my life everyday. Reading general knowledge articles online just hit me on how much a waste of time it is.

Its depressing..

Why can't i change?.. 

395 : Guilty.

 "For a relationship to last, the love between both individuals should not be 50/50

 but rather 60/40. 

Both individuals should believe their love for each other is less

 and 

strive to make up for it. "

I stumble upon this little quote (or at least what i remembered of it) a while ago and it has been stuck in my mind ever since.

60/40?

I'm guilty of not even reaching 50% yet alone 60%. Is distance a factor or an excuse?..
I just feel so terrible towards Puppy.. The days I made him cry when i'm cold towards him.
Every single day I wake up i would see a good morning message with a smiley face from him, and the days i oversleep or have something on, he would buzz me or call me to make sure i wake up. Every moment of the day he is there for me, and cares for me. How do i repay him?

Being a bitch so often. I honestly don't mean to be cold to him but sometimes i just don't feel like talking, like everything in my life is wrong and want to just shut off.. I am guilty of not making him feel loved every moment of the day.. He does so much for me and I feel like i don't do anything for him.. Why am I so passive in this relationship..

Simple thing as replying messages as well. He replies almost immediately and I take ages..

Ish.. I'm actually writing a post about how i'm a an awful person. Nothing more attractive than a self loathing person eh?

Better change before puppy walks out on me..
I'm lucky to have him...