344 : Well.. that was awkward..

Malaysians being typical Malaysians,
People usually meet at least 20 mins late..

So when people say meet at 5.30pm means everyone will reach at 6pm or 7pm.

Wanting to avoid the after work jam and SHM concert crowd, I was there before 5pm while the last person at 7pm..

M actually came in time so we meet up in front of the restaurant. After around 20 mins of waiting, we decided to get a place before hand. We turned around, walked into the restaurant and towards the door person of the restaurant. That's when it became really awkward.

M walked up to the door person and asked 'Can i have a table for..'.
Before he could even finish, the enthusiastic girl went "Table for TWO???".

It was so damn awkward that she assumed we were a couple. My god, two guys walking in the restaurant doesn't necessarily mean they are a couple. We both looked at each other and laughed.

"Er.. i love this guy la, but not in that way.. Can we have a table for 8 instead?". The waiter didn't react and just showed us to our table.

Hope she didn't make him uncomfortable.. lol

Awkward.. awkward, awkward..

Potato.

Leonut
M is straight.. 

267 : A friend

Meet M beginning of last year during orientation day.
Few guys on the stage and he stood out as the big buffed sized one.
I joined the club and later learned that he was of high influencing power in that club.

Charming smile and an outgoing personality,
He was instantly liked and respected by everyone.

Before I came here for studies,
My friend wanted me to come out to M..
I don't know why she was so excited, or using M's fav words, sexcited. She set up everything, made us sit down and me opposite him across the small coffee table. She sat in the middle of us looking at both of us, fidgeting impatiently.
When i told him, his reply was "Oh. Could have guessed already la".
He was really cool with it and we went to buy stationary together, talking about things he wanted to know and about his gay friends.

He actually promised me to hook me up with his friend if I told him I was gay during the Christmas party.. Wonder is the offer still up, or was it only valid during his drunk state, either way.. I'm too embarrassed to ask..

Anyways, its quite funny at times, i don't know is it intentional but he often forgets about my sexuality. Few weeks ago he mention ordering a Mail Order Bride for me.. But boobs just ain't my thing i guess.. Got to have a firm chest and a penis (firm or not) for me.. Hahaha

He is just the type of person that i can always have a heart to heart with. That day he offered to walk me back to my home to get my passport so i could enter the casino. Really nice of him eh?

Now he wants me to have collaboration with him for a project and I am freaking out!! If i don't meet his standard or other people's standard.. I feel so pressured yet sexited to be working with him.. He told me he really believes that i can do it.. First person to have so much hope in me..
The stress!! >.<

No, i do not have a crush on him..
But i can say he is really hug-gable..

Just a random post to appreciate him..
I should do this more often to thank people for being them.. =D

Teehee!
Leonut

130 : Christmas Party

Its been officially 26, almost 27 hours since i have last got some shut eye.
Yesterday, one of the legends from our club threw a Christmas party. It was an awesome party overall actually. We gathered, played secret santa, and 3 friends and i put up an show of the memorial dances throughout the year for the seniors for thanking them for everything. I got a red feathered boa and nerdy glasses specs from my santa. Random much?

Then the hard liquor came out.. Half of 30 over people got pissed drunk!!

Thank you host for starting the night with drinking games. I along with 2 others did not touch any alcohol for personal reason. At first it was entertaining, watching close friends get red and high, then one person gets drunk and others follow closely behind. There was a guy in the party i shall name john,  an open homosexual. John, tipsy, toke M's shirt off and they starting almost grinding each other. And then john licked the chest of M.. So much for being straight M? M then started hugging almost everyone and kissing them.

Avoiding everything happening inside, I left the house and stayed outside at the porch with my friend and we just talked for about 2 hours outside, we could hear the craziness and wildness building inside the house(They already had several neighbors call and complain). It was about 2am.. Suddenly i heard someone calling for Wing's name, screaming and asking where is he. I rush in the house and went looking for him. Wing was lying in a room upstairs. Shirtless, and vomit could be seen on his neck... Turns out he vomited on 2 sofas downstairs, and literally passed out. They dragged him to the toilet and then to the room upstairs. Later in the night, he vomited on another sofa while sleeping.

By the time everyone was almost drunk, most guys were shirtless, one just collapsed infront of me. M tried to hug me but i rejected him, putting out my hand and walking away. Then, when he finally got me, he hugged my legs and just screamed at me..

"CK!~~~~,
Honestly i think you are such an awesome friend...
But right..
I want to know, Are you GAY???"

I refused to answer, smiled and tried to pull away from his grip.

"C'mon!~ Just tell me la!~
If you are i can hook you up with a good friend of mine.
C'mon!~~"

Then when i broke free, he was quite pissed and sounded really angry

"CK!!!! TELL ME!!
DO YOU LIKE PUSSY OR DICK??
PUSSY OR DICK??"

He just repeated that again and again.. Sucks.. I walked away as a friend tried pulling him away..

______________________________________________

Okay, i shall just summarize everything by people.
1. Wing : Got drunk and vomited on 2 sofa's and a 3rd one later in the night. Pass out cold.

2. John : He tongued kiss the straight host for 6 seconds infront of everyone. He kissed M twice with tongue along with another friend..  Started rambling about how the host is his boyfriend and he had to kiss him again and again which Mr.Host did.

3. HM : Drunk girl that bite people. She literally bit almost every guy except me. A friend of mine's wound was so deep he had to treat it.

4. NN : Started beating people and screaming. Aggressive drunk.

5. KM & NT : Vomited dunno how many times. Spend about 3 hours in the toilet vomiting, passing out then vomiting again. I dont dare use that toilet again.

6. M : Hugged everyone and asked me if i was gay. Wonder if he remembers.

7. Iz : Got tipsy, talked to me about how she hates being drunk, got drunk, sobered up, talked to me about her problems then got drunk again at 7am.

__________________________________________

Seriously, it was a heart breaking sight. To see people close to you get that drunk and to be in that situation. I am not angry at them but just extremly disappointed at them. The whole house smelled of vomit and they actually broke furniture. Everyone sober was trying to control them.. A girl wanted to try smoking also but we dragged her away.. Just sucks seeing loves ones like that... Sucks badly.
I stayed up the whole night trying to get them to sleep..

The only time most of them sobered up was around 8am.. Waited till 11am then my mum came to fetch me home.

This will be the last party i will go in a while.

Yes i know, people will stay im so immature, dont drink, dont know how to socialize, Blah blah blah. But seeing how drunk and knocked out people are.. I really dont want to be like that.
I want to be in control of my thoughts always. I dont want my emotions to take over..
Honestly, im scared to get drunk.. What if i end up like John?
When Wing was drunk, he actually did something which i heard people talking about.
People started saying he is gay from what he did(which he gay is but very closeted).
I have no idea what he did but i seriously cannot risk being out when drunk.
It is the worst way to out to people.

Disappointed,
Sleep deprived,
Ck

p.s. Sorry my post is so retarded today. I just want to get everything out before i finally get some sleep. Spend the whole night taking care of the drunks..

72: Irony

The most ironic thing happened..
Like a miracle, the passion i felt toward the man i had fancy for the pass weeks just faded.
Poof! Gone!
People says absence makes the heart grow fonder but not my case, guess the week i spent in Australia really cleared my thoughts, allowing me to see without the distraction of my eye.

Ironically, the second i realize my crush is over, i had opportunities to spend time with him. Taking today as an example, i spend almost the whole day with him, literally most of the time RIGHT BESIDE him. In his car, i set in the passenger sit, why? I have no idea, 4 people in his car, everyone automatically sat at the back.What happen to people liking to call shotgun?. During walking leisure time, dinner time, all beside him! He even ordered that same food and we shared drinks. WHYYYY!!! Evil evil life.. teasing me.
______________________________________________________________

I came to realize through people's conversations, many people still dont accept us for who we are. So far, i've heard a few close friends including my sister's boyfriend dissing on us.
As much as i want to stand up for us, i somehow just kept quite.
I need their support, i cherish their presence..
So now what do i do?
I really want a boyfriend and such but currently, i think between a hot boyfriend and friends, i think i would choose friends if it means coming out and losing my friends.. Im just not ready.. My friends make me how i am today.. Sounds so stupid huh? Im sure im going to get comments like they arent friends if they cant accept you etc but i really dont know..

71: Untitted

Im too lazy to give a title to my nonsensical posts anymore. So i shall just label them by numbers.

Coming to aussie to check out the lifestyle here, i thought i would stop thinking about the damn crush. Which was true, i did forget about crushing over him, until i go to sleep.. So far i had 2 dreams about spending time with him. Isn't it weird how realistic dreams can feel? The touch, the smell, the warmth, everything can be felt as though as i was with there with him.  Typically, the memory of the dream just fades, leaving only the thought that i had spend time with him..

Looking forward to come home,
Klex

70: The view..

I began to feel restless as I opened the airplane window previously closed to shield myself from  scorching afternoon sun. It was close to dark now, 6.30pm, my watch reads as i pass into Australian border.
The most amazing scene welcome my sight as i looked out the window. The sun's fading beams outlined the ocean line, making the world's end visible. It was breathtaking! I scan the vast ocean below and imagined the marine lives directly below me. A whale perhaps? Making its yearly migration around the world. My train of thought was suddenly broken by the setting sun. Clear colours can been seen, from the bright red lining the ocean fading to the indigo purple sky. It was just simply breathtaking. At that moment i thought how nice it would be if i could share the view with you. The sun set completely and the rainbow of colours retreated along with it, leaving behind the dark field for the stars to play. I closed the window as i suddenly remembered how much i'm going to miss you.

Love,
Klex

68: Crazy parents

One of my friend has been really moody lately, being a normal practice i gave him a hug and asked him whats wrong. He toke out his phone and flip through a few message before showing me a message that i suppose was from his mum. To my horror, i never expect to see the words "Grab your neck and slaughter them like a duck when you get home" from a parent...  I was just filled with rage and sympathy, towards his parents and him respectively. How could a mother be so heartless to her own child? Her own flesh and blood and she is treating him like a slave.
He is an excellent dancer. When he was young, he met with an accident and he injured his back bone. Now he cant do stun moves and such during dance. Why am i telling you this? When he injured his back, his parents treated him as a burden. Asking him why must he injured his back. Why must he burden the whole family.
Every time i log into facebook i see his tweets.. How his parents have banned him from activities, how they screamed at him, how he is crying..
I just feel so sad for him, i really dont know what i can say to comfort him.. I passed him back his phone, and gave him the warmest hug.. hoping that it would make him feel at least a bit better..

On another note.. I started to get the cold shoulder from Mr.crush... I really dont know what i did.. just bummed... Really gets me down..  I miss talking to him.. "maybe he has personal problems i guess?" i comfort myself as we exchange a casual "bye.."

Klex

66: Updates.

I'm feeling awesome!! I manage to successfully indulge myself in something. Maplestory.. lame right? haha
I'm not emoing or anything of that sort anymore.
I've been rather hyper actually..
I do still think about him though..
Somewhere inside me, i feel hope..

Was online with him till around 3am few days ago,
Raining heavily, he said he wished he had a girlfriend to cuddle.
The only reply i could give was "me too".
At least i know he is a romantic?..

Anyways, guess im generally happier now.
Thanks Aiden and Chen Xing!
Want to gossip even though I'm feeling better? :P

65: Again...

Again.. I woke up feeling sad..
The recollection of the dream of him totally ignoring me just.. hurts me..
Suddenly it feels like its coming true..
The long hours of finally coming to a realization it was just a dream wasted as i was ignored when i pmed him...
I feel like i need to tell somebody, a mutual friend...
But who... :(
Im scared..

64: Random updates.

Avoiding him was a total fail.
Felt so uncomfortable avoiding him especially when im dying to talk to him.
Especially when i lock eyes with him accidentally and look away in the most retarded manner while trying to look natural.

Walked into the studio today, saw him dancing with another 2 members.
I grab my stuff and head to the door, the second i open the door to leave, i heard :
"Hey kay, want to learn a new choreography?"
And guess who threw their things aside and learn and new choreography today?
That aside, the feelings are fading day by day.
A stupid slutty girl was flirting with him today..
I'll slap that slut if she flirts some more..
Guess that was kinda a wake up call.


Today is my first ever love's b'day,
Should i wish him?..
Kinda ended badly few years ago.. :(

Its 4am.. Got a test and presentation tomorrow, better get some shut eye..
Nights..

Love,
Klex

63: See yea..

This must be the most depressing blog in the blogsphere currently..
I just feel frustrated with my current situation,
Falling grades, project due dates, straight crush, bottled up emotions...
Avoiding him indirectly has made me stop going for dance practices which is making me feel very restless..
Another thing about people around me commanding authority without even knowing how inferior their position is just annoys me..
I really need to take a break from everything..
I need to catch my breath..
I'll see you guys in a few weeks then..

I miss him..

Love,
Klex

62: Empty void..

There is a hole in my heart,
left by him,
the one that i gave half of it to,
without knowing the consequences.
To think i expected an exchange to occur,
how blind i was to not be able to see it was never going to happen..
My brain tells me to leave and avoid confrontation,
My heart tells me to pursue and take the risk..
I'm just feeling hollow now suddenly starting to avoid him,
I've been seeing him everyday for almost a month,
I need more time to adapt to the change in routine..

There's an hole in my heart,
waiting to be filled..

Klex

60: Is it okay?

Is it okay??
To like the guy that every single girl is drooling over?
I felt a little annoyed when i overheard my friend saying she saw his ex sending signs to him few days ago..
Only a while later did i realize she has all the rights to.. She is a girl, I'm a guy anyways. The chances are he will go for her again.
In addition to looks and build, he is so friendly and caring.
He even bought me bubble tea and dinner before.
Such a sweet guy..
i'll just have to learn to keep my distance.

Anyways, here's 2 dance videos for you guys to enjoy. :P

Love,
Klex