414 : Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas everyone!

So.. I've to admit I've never celebrated Christmas before. Not properly at least, to my family Christmas is just a normal day with the exception for the young(er) ones going out with friends. Our house would have zero decorations whatsoever or any festive songs playing in the air.

This year was something different! I was invited to follow puppy for a midnight Christmas service. Due to some unforeseen circumstances however, plans cancelled.. He is going to Singapore tomorrow as well so I can't contact him till the 29th..

Ah well..

ANYONE WATCHED FROZEN?

Puppy is obsessed over the song "do you wanna build a snowman".
To cheer him up, I doodled this for him.

Stitch and Puppy

Would build a snowman with you any day.
=P

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!

Leonut
(Surprise I still remembered how to draw stitch after years of not drawing. XD)

413 : Is it okay to go out with your Ex?

Ex or someone you have dated before.

A huge debate sparked when puppy subtly expressed his unapproved when I told him I was going out with someone I had dated before. He decided to post a status on twitter saying how he is not okay with it rather than telling me directly, that annoyed me. What pissed me off that he did it only after I had told him I was going to sleep. So was I suppose to wake up, read it and feel like shit early in the morning??

So is it okay to date someone you dated before or your ex?

What most people say : Its your history together.

Nic says as well that you'll never know if the spark will ignite again, and god knows what will happen if the spark actually catches flame huh?

But to me, an ex is an ex. History is HISTORY. The reason you broke up will always be there and its enough to remind you why the flame was put out in the first place. Isn't it a waste to lose friends that way as well? - in fear that you might like someone again you completely block him off.

Don't keep love grudges. When it all comes down to it, real or not, they made you feel like you were the top of the world at one point of time. Isn't that what is life about, to gather memories to reflect on your remaining hours.

Insecurity is a put off. The first few times it happens, its cute, people say the only reason they are insecure is that they love you and they are afraid to lose you but seriously, after that it just gets annoying, that every person you go out with will be scrutinized and filtered. Isn't being together for 9 months saying something?..

I find it unfair as well, that puppy goes out with his ajay friends all the time and I don't say anything but the first friend I was going out with almost two weeks since I got back sparked such a huge argument between us. It feels like he can go out with anyone and I can't.

So guess who isn't going to meet up with anyone now?

All my friends are gone overseas, either UK or Australia, most people that didn't leave the country are busy with their own lives now. Everyone goes out of each other leaving you to feel like a third party to the whole group and a parasite to the friend you are closes to, them having to explain inside jokes and save you from an awkward situation or if you don't have one, it just leaves you sitting there drinking water while everyone talks about their own things.. Pitiful feeling it is..  Maybe ex's are really interested in meeting given our past relationships only..
I don't know...

Life back home is hell boring.. I'm dying to go back to Melbourne.. =(

Leonut

412 : The easy way out.

7 degrees out there right now. 3 of us cuddled up in the middle of Lincoln Square, our arms wrapped tightly around Jun as the cold wind pierce our clothes.

Life. I can say how lucky I am to have not experienced any death around me growing up but I can't say the same for others.

I cannot imagine the emotion flooding Jun right now. Within 5 days, 2 separate cases of close friends committing suicide hit her with no warning whatsoever. Heaviness filled her heart and we detoured from our way home to Lincoln Square to take a breather the moment she received the news. I felt to useless. That crucial moment where she was crying in our arms, I was speechless, or rather afraid to say anything. I don't know how exactly she was feeling, or the memories that were flashing through her eyes. I don't know what I could say in the moment but I was praying my presence as well as Rel's was enough to comfort her. The words sad cannot describe the emotion I saw in her.

Why?

The constant 'why's were asked.

Why would you take the easy way out? Taking your life thinking that everyone will get over your death and life moves on? Selfish. Every burden you feel when you decide to commit suicide just don't disappear, they are converted and passed on to your family and friends, not for a moment but for a lifetime. They have to learn to live with you gone, to accept that questions they have will never be answered; they will be changed forever. Seeing a close friend's reaction itself, I cannot imagine the reactions of their family members. They lose a friend, a sibling, a son or a daughter.. In the case, even a wife to someone.

To the 2 families to that lost their loved ones, my deepest condolence to you.

To Jun, please stay strong.. 2013 has been utter bullshit to you, ever single thing that could ever happened to you have happened and you always manage to pick yourself and stay strong. 'come at me bro!!'

Both aren't even 30 years old, one of them aren't even 25 yet..

"If you have anyone you suspect is having some problems don't wait okay? Just ask them straight up if they are okay. They must feel so alone in the world that they actually take that path out."

Suicide is never as option.

I pray their families and friends will stay strong when the autopsy results are released.

There are people around you that love and care for you, help is always around.. Even the blogsphere (although dying) have many cool people you can email just for a chat or a little pick me up.

Just..
Don't do it please..

Leonut.

411 : I think my mum knows..

Well like what they say, mother always know.

Going home only once a year, I do ask my mum to bring stuff home for friends when she comes over during the holidays, and friends usually being just Puppy. So puppy drops by my home once in a while to collect things I bought him or to pass things to my mother so she can bring it over. Naturally my mum knows him by name now rather than going by "the friend that sends me home" when I was back last year.

Few days back I was sitting with my mum at the breakfast table. Me gobbing down my breakfast, while she was playing her usual candycrush along with every other candycrush knock off, the topic of flying home came up. Cheap flights, comfort and the question of which Airport to arrive, I told her most Malaysians here in Melbourne refuse to go home early and rather stay here till late December or even January while Singaporeans fly home the second they get (Malaysian patriotism at it's best). I brought up the fact that I didn't tell a single friend when I'm flying home. Her immediate reply?

"What about that boy, Puppy? You didn't tell him?"

I was caught off guard I don't even know what gibberish reply I gave her.
So many friends of mine she knows and she mentioned only puppy's name..

Another instance was after we went strawberry picking. Was 5 of us picking and eating them fresh of the bush, we landed with almost 7kg of strawberries. My mum was going back to Malaysia the day after we picked them so I asked my mum if she could bring some back for my friends. First question ask :

"Puppy? How much you think he wants?"

So fuck that.. I told her its a big group of friends so its gonna be too much to give away. Until now she still ask me "are you sure you don't want me to give some to him.". Don't know why she keep insisting to use 'him' when I told her its 'them'.

So yea.. I think my mum knows about Puppy and I. Smart mum that can even figure out a LDR.
Just hope she is as accepting as the way I'm reading her actions and speech.

Wonder whats gonna happen when I actually get back home?..

Leonut

*edited*
Oh! Another time she was looking for her makeup remover in my room.. She reached in one of my bags I had laying around and the first thing she pulled out was lube, stared at it and shoved in right back in the bag within 2 seconds.. F..M..L..

410 : Orgasm Wars

One more paper to go, Nic sent me a link to watch in the library..

The giggling fool in the library, looking around in fear someone will catch me for watching almost gay porn.. Or is it?

All I can say is, what in the world is a throat hold??
I need to get me some of that!




Anyone care to teach me?

Leonut

409 : Exam Stress ; Make me a sandwich.

Fucking Stress from exams!!
8 hours per topic? Like wtf study rate am I at..

But like my friend say, one hour before exams, everyone is granted super powers when studying.
Mine would be super cramming everything in temporary memory followed by entering the exam hall and scribbling everything on the desk before the exams starts (oops?). Are there rules against this??


Anyways, make me a sandwich!!

Leonut

408 : Slow dancing.

Procrastinating from studies, I went on to Youtube in search of those sappy love videos that would make any emotional victim tear like a fat kid who dropped his ice cream; for a person like me however, I envy their lives, fictional or not.

I envy the story (quite almost any other couple actually), I envy watching the dates they go on, the romantic gestures they have for each other, even the pictures they take together. I'm jealous that all I the 'romantic gestures I can do are all limited to my Whatsapp chat or a Skype screen. I'm bored. With the same messages like "How was your day?" or "Have you eaten?" repeating everyday for the past eight months. It makes me wonder is there anything more for a long distance like this. The change from 2 hours to 3 hours between us doesn't help either.

I've been so busy with dance, work and studies that I'm often left drained of energy by the end of the day, leaving one final question, do I wait up for him to have his dinner and Skype him later or crash and recharge energy for the next day's hectic schedule? The days I decide to stay up till 2 or 3am talking to him usually gives birth to a walking zombie the next day, resulting in missed schedules in the morning or just a really cranky Leonut. The effects snowballs, with the question at the end of my day being do I wait up or go to sleep way earlier to recover my sleep debt?

It makes me feel like a horrible person. He always replies with "So early?.. okay.. Goodnights.. Love you..".
What am I to do?

Bringing back to the videos I was watching, it was funny seeing one where the couple tried slow dancing together for the first time, they made it look so romantic. When I taught Puppy to dance however, it was a tragic disaster. The clueless little boy staring at me wondering what the hell is he suppose to do next as I push him around asking him to follow my lead. Yea.. Latin dancing isn't everybody's thing. I can say dancing with him gave a feeling that I never felt before partnering anyone else. Standing in a closed hold position, I could feel his warmth, his scent, and his complains much clearer. Overall it made me love him even more.

I need things like this to remind me all the time, how much I love this little boy I call puppy, and how I manage to last in an eight months long distance. It also gives me things to look forward doing with him when i get back.

That said, I'm gonna log off and continue my studies. If I procrastinate more, I'm gonna fail tomorrow's paper..

I'M HUNGRY!! WHERE IS MY LUNCH DELIVERY NIC??

Leonut

407 : Balls and Sausage?

Balls and sausage.

Anyone of you know what malaysian fish cakes are?
A type of processed food made of fish and.. err.. other stuff..
Usually cooked with noodles, complementing the dish.
Not to be confused with the Thai fish cake.

Anyways, today a customer asked me what fish cakes where, naturally I told her it was a type of processed food, to further clarify what it taste like, I told her they tasted exactly like fish balls.

Freaking, BAD CHOICE OF WORDS..

I got the 'Did you actually said balls' look from both the Caucasian ladies on the table..

"Well that's awkward.."
"Like fish BALLS??"
"No no no no... not that type of balls... Is an Asian food made of fish paste.."
"Hmm?.."
.
.
.
"Oh!!! Okay, the best way I can describe it would be a sausage made of fish? The best and most accurate description I can think of." 
"So.. a fish SAUSAGE?? *both grins*
"Oh.. my.. god.. very.. very bad choice of words.."
"First you tried selling us balls, now sausages? Next you'll be selling us your b.."
"OKAY! My bad totally.. "
The whole conversation was so awkward but fun at the same time! Those two cheeky young ladies were laughing so hard, talking to me about sausages and balls for about 5 mins with the super crowded restaurant behind us. End of the order, I manage to get both of them to just get fried chicken.. Everyone loves fried chicken!

Balls, and sausages..
Society made them such suggestive words. Even during dance when my friend said do a "ball change", my friend pretended to grab his balls and said "changing my left and right balls".

"That's what he/she said" triumphs all suggestiveness still!

Dude! Why is it so big?. "THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID!!"
Omg.. Its so hard! "THATS WHAT SHE SAID!!"

*wink wink!*

That's what I said all the time..

Cheeky,
Leonut

406 : Halloween Special!

So its Halloween! Time to post up kinky costume pictures ghost stories!

What better way to celebrate Halloween than having paranormal stories that aren't from a friend's cousin's neighbor's uncle but directly from friends?

I initially wanted to write about my mum's stories but I guess those stories are meant for another time. 

Up to you to believe it or not but there are people that have the ability to see the paranormal. What people say is true though, people who can usually look tired, or just admits a different aura from them. So happens my work place has two staff which posses this ability, both working in the back kitchen.

Gonna cut all the suspense off since I'm too lazy to write about them..

Work Place Horror.
-          Hernie do get the duty of locking the doors at night after the restaurant closes for the night. Its usually the waitstaff who leaves first after clearing up the front of house, followed by the kitchen hands who can leave after cleaning up their respective areas. The kitchen supervisors though, have to ensure everything is in order, type out a report before closing up, which in time would be around 12am in the morning. Countless times, she have reported seeing a shadow sitting on the tables closest to the front door. Being used to seeing all "them", she just does her work and leave.

-          Once a customer left his phone in the restaurant after dinner. The next morning he came over asking if anyone picked up his phone. Our manager conveniently went and check the CCTV. What she shocked the whole group watching the CCTV footage together. Seeing a ghostly figure walking around the restaurant around 5am.. WTF?? FASTFORWARD!!

-          Lots of weird stuff happened to the restaurant. A friend of mine poured drinks and places the cup on the table. Few seconds later the cups just exploded and shattered into pieces without anyone touching them. Another was during morning shift, a workmate came in to see glasses pieces all around the counter. Apparently more than 10 cups just shattered overnight.

-          This happened around 2 months ago. Apparently no one knows except for a few of us (Thats how much i'm a gossip that news like this would reach me..). One of the chefs were organizing the kitchen store room when he heard children in the kitchen. When he turned around, he saw little kids running about the store room and ran out to the kitchen. Shocked he asked the kitchen hand if he saw anything. Confused kitchen hand he was, Hernie came over and said nothing happened and asked everyone to get back to work..

When I asked him what he saw he described the place as a kindergarten. Kids running around, screaming and playing. Hernie saw them too and shurg it off, asking everyone to get back to work. Words from them "NOBODY CAN EVER KNOW!! Will ruin the whole restaurant reputation". But from what they say is that, "they" are actually everywhere. That's why we don't talk about them, you'll never know if they are beside you. Thing about seeing them.. They describe the feeling as eerie, that the moment you see them your natural instinct would be to look away and not to take a second look. Their faces are blurred and you just know they aren't natural..

So much for that, i'm telling everyone of you.. But to those that actually know where I work, I do urge you to keep shush about this.. lol

I'm suppose to be studying and my singaporean friend is giving me death stares thus the crappy written post.. Heh.

Happy Halloween!
Leonut

405 : How do I tell my friends?

So to all you people all there with the question "how do I tell my friends that I'm gay?", you got to learn the few points to this curious questions.

Point number ONE.
-Nobody in the world is forcing you to come out to your friends.
Take your time, if you are uncomfortable with yourself, how the hell are you going to be comfortable with them? The closet is a comfortable space, take Narnia for example, its huge as fuck, with mountains, castles and shit, stay there as long as you want till Azlan tells you its time to leave, Azlan meaning yourself.

Point number TWO
-Everyone goes through that "what if they don't accept me" question.
Simple, if they don't accept you, move along and make new friends! Clearly they aren't your true friends if they won't accept you and frankly, I wouldn't want to be friends with some narrow minded sons of bitches too. Think about it, a married man will see his wife's nude face all the time, her bitchy friends however, will see her only when she has a full set of 'I'm-fabulous" make up. Don't get bitchy friends, get a husband!

Point number THREE
-We are all around you!
Don't go "Everyone around me is straight". My dear, don't think you are so good at hiding your gayness, you aren't the only actor around. And cut all this bullshit about straight acting and all. Unless you secretly wish to carry a handbag and wear XSS clothes but don't, you aren't acting shit. You are who you are! The way you talk, the way to carry yourself, be comfortable with it and shut up with all these "i'm tired of acting straight in front of my friend", what? Do you want to hump a dude in front of them?

Point number Four
-They probability already know.
I recently told my close friend and she told me she never expected. But that's beside the point, she mentioned that even if someone suspects another person to be gay, chances are they will not ask, at least I know most people around me won't. It would be damn embarrassing if you asked a straight guy if he was gay and  might also ruined your relationship with him. Long story short, they might just be waiting for you to tell them and they CAN wait. People's gaydars are getting stronger and stronger.

Point number Five
-Sometimes, it makes no difference even if they knew.
For me, the topics I talk about with my friends don't revolve around relationships or sex, so it really made no difference. Unless you plan to talk about who you did in bed, or who's hand you hold, it doesn't make a difference really. There are plenty of things to talk about other than sex. Its nice to have people to tell all these things to but just don't let it be the main reason you push yourself to out yourself.

All in all, just be comfortable with yourself. Life is short, friends come and go. Don't be down if you think your friends might reject you. If people make jokes or make fun of the gay community with or in front of you, by all means, you don't have to defend and speak up against them if you are uncomfortable, but please don't take it as a direct assault towards you. Most people who make fun of the gay community don't have close gay friends. When someone do come out to them, you'll never know if their prospective will change. With that said, gay bullying however, please speak up against that..

Love life,
Good luck,
Leonut

P.s. Don't be so eager for a boyfriend too! They will come!

404 : The spotlight

After almost 21 years, I realize something, I never liked to be in the spotlight of people, at least not deliberately. I would never know how to act, smile till my face twitch? or scan around for a spot to stare at?
I remember a few years back when my class sang happy birthday to me I nearly died of awkwardness, I just stared down on the floor the whole time wishing "happy birthday" had 2 verse instead of 4. I can see however, my friends aren't victim to this social awkwardness.

Few days ago during a party we sang happy birthday to a friend, her reaction?
She proceeded to jump off a chair to the middle of the room, did the muscle biceps pose with her thumbs pointing at herself, nodding her head up and down with a 'yeah bitches, its my birthday, sing to me' expression. Freaking, Epic.

On the same party, a group of friends bought gifts for me as a thank you for choreographing and training them for a dance production. Other choreographers cried, some cheered with friends, me?

I hid behind my friend for a clear minute, hugging him so he wouldn't run away, trying my best to get away from that situation where all eyes were on me.. When they actually manage to pry both of us apart, I was surprised with flowers, dancing shoes and a card with thanks. Words cannot describe that feeling! I just wanted to hug them and never let go! I was blushing so much!

Could it be that I have this awkwardness due to the fact that I've never really celebrated my birthday before, maybe twice at most. I seldom get gifts and all as well. I'm still learning..

Speaking of spotlights, on stage however, I LOVE THE SPOTLIGHT! That feeling of 'Yea bitches! All eyes on me!' is one form of spotlight I love! I guess most dancers live for that feeling, the adrenaline rush, that moment where your whole world disappears and all you know is you are on stage, the music and beat is echoing through the whole theater, and your body goes into autopilot when muscle memory kicks in. Pure bliss!

Anyways, after 2 hectic weeks of practices, the performance of the year is over, leaving most of us with post-depression, refreshing the social media every few minutes hoping videos get posted or pictures get uploaded.. Performed shirtless on stage, what a new experience.. =P

Till next time,
Love,
Leonut

403 : Keep your D*CK dry!

Seriously.. Don't think he is even trying.. LOL 20-30 people on my D*CK at once?

Leonut
*Sorry the video didn't appear the first time.. My bad. ><

402 : Death is stupid.

I don't know how I stumbled across this video (I'm not suicidal..), but this just makes me tear up..

I know recently someone passed away from a hit and run incident.
Seeing friends post tributes to him and all just breaks my heart honestly..

But live and let die?..
I don't know..

The video is about suicide though, but I can assume the after effects, although not severe, can be similar when you see people taken away unexpectedly..

Just thinking about death just confuses me..
Bittersweet?

Don't know..

If i died right now, the thing I want most is for my parents to know about me..
To read my blog if possible and finally know me in detail and understand me completely..
Hopefully to accept me as well...

Lol, tiring day!
I need to get my study engine going.. =(

Leonut

401 : How do you?

Lol.. its like finally reaching 400 post after 2 years and I abandoned my blog..

Well, honestly saying, I can describe myself as depressed for the past month or two..
What do you do when reality hits and every bad aspect of your life just flushes in front of your eyes repeatedly, replaying every morning the second your feet touches the carpet floor when you get out of bed, or lock eyes with yourself infron't of the mirror?

Funny isn't it? How my blog has been going on and on about the same topic about how unhappy I am, big contrast from when I started blogging..

Dance..
The only thing that used to keep me sane..
Its really degrading when you worked so hard and tried your best but still come short against others. Been dancing so long but here I am seeing people that have just started dancing recently just surpass me in every aspect, rendering myself as a "second choice" or kicking me out of the running when being picked for video projects. Just makes me wonder what they have that I don't. I watch for angles, watch for how hard each step suppose to be hit or executed, I know I need improvements but am I really worst than those people that can't even keep count or stay in blocking? The only thing I excel in my dance group is Latin dancing but sometimes it just feels that the only reason I get noticed for Latin dancing is because most people in my dance group don't dance Latin, or never taken classes before.. If more people learned it, will I be shadowed as everything else?..

Speaking of Latin dancing, a simple photo shoot as the promo for our upcoming performance, my dance partner got selected to be a model since Latin is the "sexy" in the dance world, the male model however, was a close friend. That's okay with me but when he pulled out of it, a guy that can't even do simple spins, have to be given special attention when learning choreography gets chosen as a model when I was expected next in line... Does that mean my looks aren't good enough?.. Too short? Face problem?.. Not build enough?..

Been hitting the gym so often and my body is progressing so slow... Would love to hire a personal trainer but my wallet is thin enough as it is.

Failing a paper last semester, I got a choice to do summer school, overload on subjects (5 per semester) or extend a semester. I really wanted to take summer school to take off the heavy loan because I am confident overloading will only make me do worst but when I actually went to inquire about summer applications after the busy assignment period, I found out applications are closed. Only opened for 12 days?.. So the only option now is to extend a semester but by doing so means to incur unforeseen cost on my Uni funds. I don't know if I can actually bring myself to ask more money from my parents to correct the mistakes I did.

I really need to get a second job to cover for my expenses.. Work changes people, a promotion forces people to change. Work isn't like how it used to be anymore. Friends become enemies and after the promotion, knives are brought out to stab one another. I know every work place have politics but I would rather join somewhere where the politics are already there than seeing everything changed in front of my eyes.

Dance, self image, studies, finance, work.. What else is there..

Relationship..

Arguments so often it makes you just ask yourself questions..
Puppy just sleeps it off and the next day he is practically restored like nothing happened.. My stupid brain however, just takes everything over to the next day and everything just compiles and stacks to a huge pile of crap feeling.. Puppy always say I use distance as an excuse in our fights. Am i wrong to say distance is such a huge factor?

What am I suppose to do now..
Every problem I have is intertwined like a mass snake orgy..

My next few post should be happier.
The thing that I can say I'm really bless is my friends. Group of people I literally see everyday, being sad around them is literally impossible but sometimes I can't help but wonder, big group of over 30 friends.. Besides those really close ones, who is genuinely friends?..

Leonut

400 : Creepy.. Plain Creepy.

Gonna be a long post about a restaurant customer people call my stalker.. lol

Working in a F&B industry, I can honestly say you get to meet some of the nicest people, the worst type people, the best looking and also, who can forget, the weirdest of people.

Have you seen someone want his food modified to vegetarian and then add a piece of fried chicken?

This few weeks I've been working almost everyday. One particular table with a family of 6 had a really really friendly guy.. Too friendly that it just creeps everyone out. First time I actually noticed this man he was talking to my friend, Izzy, that moment, no one expected us to gain a peculiar regular customer.

1.
He tapped my arm when i walked by his table.
"Hey! Whats your name?"
"Er.. Leo..?."
"Hello! Are you from Malaysia?"
"Yea, Malaysia PJ."
"Oh! Me too! Do you know where Izzy is from?"
"I'm not particularly sure actually"
"Why not? She is your co-working?"
"Oh, she just joined us about a month ago, I haven't got to know her well"
"I see, I see"
*Awkward smile, RUN AWAY* 

Few mins later walking by that table when Izzy was clearing their plates.
"Hey Izzy, I heard you are new here!"
Should see Izzy's face.. My god.. She was so creeped out.

2."Hey Leo! Do you know your name (my real name), can stand for *censored*, or *censored*?? (referring to a superhero) Its so funny! Are you a superhero then??
"Err.. haha.. I got to go"
*It was so lame.. I had nothing to say..*

3.
"Leo!! Beberapa Umur?? (How old are you in Malay)
"Dua-puluh" (20)
"Oh! Hahaha, I'm twice your age! 44! Imagine that!
"Wow.. Okay.. I'll just go.."

4.
"Hey Leo! My name is Micheal by the way.
Micheal~"
"Okays"..
I didn't ask. but okay.. 
That was the highlights of the first day, with lots of mini creepy things he did..
He came in alone for lunch 2 days later.

5.
"Hey Leo!! Nice to see you again! Are you free now? Can i ask you a few IQ questions?"
"Yea I am." (He came in so early, he was the only 3 tables having lunch"
"Okay! Can i have your middle finger?
"Huh?"
*Clips my middle finger using his thumb and index*
"Okay! *Gesturing to difference places of his arm*, White house, blue house, green house, Red house, Where is the white house?"
"Right here?"
"WRONG! White house is in Woshington DC! haha"
"Oh! hahaha! wtf fucking lame..""Second question~ *Something lame where i got wrong*
*Puts his hand near my face* "Am i touching you?"
"No?"
"Wrong! I'm touching your finger"
"O.o..."
*Proceed to get the next question wrong*
"Okay, last question! Whats the first question i asked you?""The white hou.."
"WRONG! Can i ask you a few IQ question!" 
"Oh! haha! I got all wrong".
"Yea you did!"
"Okay, I can stand here for too long, I'm going to go walk around"

The whole time I was smiling cause I really didn't know what to do.. The questions were so lame!! Especially coming from him!

6.
"Hey Leo! Do you have a pen and paper? I can write all the questions down for you so you can test your friends!"
"Oh its okay! Don't worry about it!"
"You sure?? Its not a hassle, I can write it down for you"
"Nah, I mean all these are quite common, there are plenty in the internet"
"Really? I got this all the way from Singapore! I never heard any like this before"
"Nah its really okay."
"Awww.. Okay, but anytime you want it you can just ask me!"
"Sure! *quickly pretend i'm busy and walk away*

7.
"Hey leo! Can we be friends?"
"Sure....?"
"Lets exchange email address?"
"O.o.... I don't use email!" *Panic mode*
"What?? You don't?"
"Yea! I don't! Its like i only use it once a week to check my work roster then i just turn it off!"
"So you don't check your mail?"
"Oh nope! haha! These days everyone just uses their phone!" 
"Yea i know. Too bad I don't know how to use all of those"
"Aww.. Generation Gap i guess."
"Yea its the generation gap"
"Okays~!"

The whole day that day i just really don't know what to feel.. Felt so creeped out by this creepy looking friendly asian man.. Other staff just stand and laugh at me, even the kitchen laughed at me.

NEXT DAY.

Was talking to my friend the next day about how creepy the day before was.
Everyone was laughing at it, before we knew it, looked at the door and he came in!
I just ran and hid behind the counter..

Refused to walk near his table.
He actually grabbed hold of my friend and ask him for his name.When my friend told him what his name was, his reply was "Hey Vincent, Do you know i know Leo?"
The whole day he did make small talk to me when i walked by. The kitchen actually allowed me to NOT send food to his table.. Basically, everyone was laughing, everyone was scared to be his next victim and i was deemed to be attractive to older men.. lol

400th post dedicated to Micheal.
The way you creep me out like no other.

I'm feel like sleeping every moment i'm free..
Leonut

399 : Straight crush?

All American boy. =D
So many gay guys having straight crushes.
As always, straight guys giving wrong signals, or rather just them being them, touchiness and friendliness interpreted wrongly by our active minds.

Love this song and music video.
Kinda like the best and worst that can happen.

Share a kiss?
Leonut

398 : Fucker of a male and a female + Dance

My bro.
Is damn naive and stupid.

I don't know how being twins, he doesn't mature and is still childish as hell at this age.

My brother's friends, lets name them X and Y.
Y is a local Australian, his EX- girlfriend, X, is singaporean.
So as implied, they broke up.

Who comes to the rescue? My brother.
Nothing wrong with that, its an admirable trait to help friends in need. I do that all the time too, especially during a breakup of a steady relationship. Whats different? My brother has never had a relationship or anything before, what the fuck advice is he giving to them?

That, i don't really care, but my brother has offered Y a place to stay during their break up since staying together now is obviously a big no-no. Did he ask the other 3 housmates? Big fucking NONO. He TOLD us.

"Hey! My friend is coming over to stay tonight".

Where is the question in that sentence???

So fine. He stays over. The next day, without any approval, he stays over again.
The day after, X comes and stays over. And this goes on for almost 4 weeks now, with X staying over few days a week without fail. Best thing is i only found out her name 2 days ago. Such a pain to talk to, she only mumbles to herself when you talk to her. All she does is sits there and watch tv. At least if she talked to us or something that would be better but she is just there. Makes living in your own home awkward if you know what i mean.

Y's parent's home is 2 hours away by train, so he has no choice but to stay at the home he and X rented together.

X however, has a sister here staying a close distance away. So instead of staying with her sister during her "emo" phase, she chooses to stay at my place. Why? Because if she stays with her sister, she has to sleep on a sofa, and she doesn't like that. You got to be fucking kidding me..

Its just annoying that you can't even do anything in your house anymore. Feels like an intruder in your home. My brother actually goes out, leaving her alone with my sis and I. Then she just sits there in the living room watching tv..

Overstaying your welcome bitch.

Was having dinner alone today while watching tv, my bro came home with her duffle bag filled with her toothbrush, clothes, towel and all her shit, i got so pissed i just went back to my room and slammed the door.. My brother knows i'm pissed, he knows my sister is pissed, that girl seems oblivious though..

Don't assume people will be nice to you if you break up. After a month and you haven't picked yourself up, seriously. Suck it up and stand strong. Don't expect to be spoonfed sympathy. I'm that close to banning you from coming over to stay. And to my brother, have respect, if you don't want to respect me fine, but ask sis if your friends can stay over. She is older after all and she takes care of us, don't give stupid excuses and disrespect her.

Freaking overstaying your welcome..

_______________________________________________________


Lol.. go missing for a few weeks and come back with another ranting post..
I shall tell you guys about my restaurant stalker soon.

Here's a recent performance I did in conjunction with Merdeka.



Don't really care who recognize me now.. I'm nothing much anyways. =D

Recognize me? (My dance starts at 4.00.. =3 )
Enjoy!

Leonut

397 : Mirrors.

Walked in the room and i could sense the heaviness in the air.
Mellow music playing in the background and puppy sitting on the extra mattress on the floor.

I stared at him and him at me. That brief moment of locking eyes sent a burst of emotional waves through my whole body, before i knew it, I was tearing up. He hugged me in a tight embrace, assuring me everything was going to be okay, that I cannot or rather must not cry.

Hypocrite he was, I knew he was crying when he hugged me. Pushing out, I could see his face and his signature adorable frown. Thinking of how much i would miss him made the flood gates open. We just stood in the center of the room, rocking our bodies from side to side, twirling around slowly in each other's arms while the music playing over.

Just taking in the warmth, the hypnotizing scent of his, the tightest of his grip, everything felt so comfortable like I was in another dimension. That moment felt like it could last forever.. That was, until i opened my mouth..

L : Baby..
P : Yea?..
L : I need to ask you something..
P : Hmm?...
L : WTF IS THIS SONG?? Its like going on forever and ever!! Not sickening meh??
P : WHAT?? Its Mirrors by JT.
L : Why so long?
P : It's 8 mins..
L : WHY??
P : Stupid la you..

And that's when the moment of sweetness just died off, hugging stopped, tears dried up instantly and we were laughing again.

Leonut, 

the destroyer of sweet moments,

 not only once, 

but countless times....
Which pisses puppy off sometimes.. 

-

-

-

-

-

-

Don't know why I suddenly had the urge to write out this memory of our last day together in Melbourne. Just miss his freaking cute frown.. Sounds odd right?.. Like a boyfriend that likes seeing the other sad.. Just makes me want to hug him to make him smile again.

I can't listen to Mirrors without that moment playing in my mind anymore. The song became our couple song without us really knowing. Always cry when i hear that song now.  Sob Sob..

Busy week ahead!

Leonut

396 : Worked to the bone

My manager is the King, she and her Queen rule the whole of my workplace.

The queen, obviously, can do what ever shit she wants, as many mistakes she wants or the worst drinks her unfortunate ability allows her to do, and no one can say anything in the fear the King might make life a living hell.

The King, trying to cut cost, has implemented the stupidest rules I have ever faced in my life. Several shifts I have even felt like crying seeing how bullshit the rules are.

Water is free in Australia, you can go to any restaurant and they will give you table water (Tap water in a big 1L glass bottle), so a table of 3 will have 3 cups on their table, and if they order drinks, you will have 6 cups. Each shift, only one staff is assigned to make drinks for the whole restaurant, that makes up almost 40 tables. You can say its only drinks, how hard is it right? 

WRONG!

Shit lot of work just to make a cup of hot drink. Fastest I can make the signature drink takes about 30 seconds with the recipes and all. So imagine during busy periods, where one min can have orders for almost 15 drinks accumulated from different tables, how long would that take to clear? and the orders keep coming in with the high table turn over. However, making drinks is part of the job, getting to make drinks takes the trust from the King that you can actually perform before she will train you. Can be proud to be selected to make drinks.

What fuckery am i complaining about then? The King has decided we can cut labour cost if we eliminate the staff that suppose to be washing the cups for you. So the person making the drinks have to manage the whole restaurant AND wash cups and fill water bottles.

The whole sink just fills up in 30 mins during busy hours even though its a deep sink and the side of the sink piled up with glass bottles to be filled. Once it took my friend 45 mins just to clear the whole sink of cups and bottles after shift. So now, we are suppose to do everything alone.Damn bullshit. Last Sunday i nearly cried during shift. After 2 hours of making drinks non stop, i turned around just to see more than 20 empty bottles and 2 sinks filled with cups to be washed. Worst part is, the cups and bottles continue to come in, table for 2 brings in 4 cups, table for 4, 8 cups. 

After everyone complained, fucker manager decided to send a proposal to make a bigger sink. Like her brain is in use right? When her stupid proposal failed, she decided to improvise. Now, when it gets really busy, we will take all the cups and bottles, put them in big buckets and then push them to the back so "the sink will be clear and we can put more cups and bottles, and then you can wash them later"

How stupid can she be???

Everyone that does drinks just learns to swear 10 times more. 

Underpaid and overworked..

Rant rant rant!

396 : Study..

Just feel so stressed..
Its only second week of uni and I have friends hardcore studying already and I'm just sitting here..

Honestly i'm not sure why but no matter how hard i try to study, i never have the patience for it. I would read two lines and my brain just turns off completely. Always gave myself the excuse that I'm a nocturnal person and I work better "under pressure". Who am i kidding? The big fat fail i got last semester obviously proves how much of a joke that was.

Just feel like I'm so behind everyone. Everyone is speeding ahead in life, studying, getting high distinction average, looking for internship. Basically everyone has their foundation build up for their life and i got nothing.. Wasting my life everyday. Reading general knowledge articles online just hit me on how much a waste of time it is.

Its depressing..

Why can't i change?.. 

395 : Guilty.

 "For a relationship to last, the love between both individuals should not be 50/50

 but rather 60/40. 

Both individuals should believe their love for each other is less

 and 

strive to make up for it. "

I stumble upon this little quote (or at least what i remembered of it) a while ago and it has been stuck in my mind ever since.

60/40?

I'm guilty of not even reaching 50% yet alone 60%. Is distance a factor or an excuse?..
I just feel so terrible towards Puppy.. The days I made him cry when i'm cold towards him.
Every single day I wake up i would see a good morning message with a smiley face from him, and the days i oversleep or have something on, he would buzz me or call me to make sure i wake up. Every moment of the day he is there for me, and cares for me. How do i repay him?

Being a bitch so often. I honestly don't mean to be cold to him but sometimes i just don't feel like talking, like everything in my life is wrong and want to just shut off.. I am guilty of not making him feel loved every moment of the day.. He does so much for me and I feel like i don't do anything for him.. Why am I so passive in this relationship..

Simple thing as replying messages as well. He replies almost immediately and I take ages..

Ish.. I'm actually writing a post about how i'm a an awful person. Nothing more attractive than a self loathing person eh?

Better change before puppy walks out on me..
I'm lucky to have him... 

394 : Random

Don't know if its just my imagination or something..
But.

After so many washes, puppy's shirt that he gave me still smells of him.
Some weird ass scent puppy has that sticks to things like glue.
Even after I cuddle with him I would actually smell of him for a while.

Puppy oh puppy.
Wearing his shirt does make me miss you more..

Heh.
5 more months till I can see him again.

Less than three.
Leonut

393 : Here is your drink.

L    : Excuse me madam, sorry for the wait, here is your drink.
M   : Thank you.
HB : Excuse me?? WHERE IS MY DRINK??
L    : Sorry?
HB : I ordered a drink and its not here yet.
L    : Sorry, i'm check with the kitchen.
HB : I want it now!!!
L    : Okay.

Getting scolded during work for something that was totally not being my fault? Not the first time and I'm quite used to it.

Getting scolded by a female drag queen? *Check off list to do before I die.*

Ended up giving my manager the drink to serve to Mrs. Head Bitch.

Obviously the prettiest one is the head bitch. Anyways, regulars at my work place, about a group of 4 usually. Most of us can agree, they are all freaking hot!! (except for one..). Always dress well with a full set of make up and accessories. I can say they are one of the nicest people that comes in. Since all 4 of them are Malay, they always order in malay too.. Once two of them came in and I actually thought one of them was freaking hot until she opened her mouth. Never the less, she still caught the attention of the whole staff. Saw that HB has a hot aussie boy friend that came to pick her up after dinner too..

Speaking of drags.

Actually got sucked into the drag world. Seriously fascinating i would say. The way they do their make up and all. I myself have no interest to drag but seeing famous drags just blows my mind. Been watching RuPaul's Drag Race and I recommend any open-minded, drag loving, bored with their one month break person to watch!

Sashay Shante!
Sashay you stay, now Shante away. 

Watching weird stuff online.
Leonut

392 : Awkward friendly conversation with a Stranger.

Was wiping the walls when I heard a knock on the door.
Naturally I unlocked and answered the door, only to see a young woman standing at the other side.
A young local Australian around mid 20's, brunet hair styled in a suicide roll, spotting in a black short dress.
Was pretty decent and sweet looking if you ask me.

Sorry, I'm cleaning up here, would you mind using the disabled toilet? (Yes.. I was cleaning toilets, poor boy gotta earn a living too!)

Sorry to interrupt..  Someone is in the disabled toilet.. I really just want to use a mirror, can i come in?

Yea sure, i guess so. 

*Walks in*

Stupid job, they actually want us the hand wipe the walls with paper towels..
Sorry if its awkward or uncomfortable with a guy in the female toilet while you are in here.. 

Hahaha, its okay. You know whats awkward? Coming here with my ex. *Putting on lipstick*

What?? Your ex?? 

Yea. That's why I gotta make him jealous! How do i look?? *Stands and pose for me*

Err.. You look awesome to me!

Really? Do you think my hair needs a little here and there? *Playing around with her hair*

Nah, you look prefect already.

Okay, what about this? Should i drape my hair on both sides? or only one side?

Hmm.. Show me again?

*Both sides*, *One side*

Definitely one side. 

Yea, thought so too. Okays, wish me luck! Time to make my ex jealous!

Hahahaha, good luck!! 

When I was actually done and walked out, I saw her sitting there all poise and elegant looking.
Girl knows what she wants!

Anyways, quick update to keep a memory.
Kinda funny how random events and strangers can just brighten up a boring day.

Awkward friendly conversations with a girl in the female toilet. I'm getting gayer by the day.. lol

Leonut

391 : Phone Buzzed.

Cleaning up after breakfast, the familiar sensation of a vibrating phone in my pocket triggered a reflex to check my phone immediately.

"SMS results"

The worst and best thing that University has came up with, its like saying you WILL see the message if you wanna use your phone. Catching their victims unexpectedly, saving them the killer suspense of logging in to check their results. First time I actually signed up for the service and just as I guessed, I failed.

I failed one paper, which just throws every plan of university back one step or rather adding one more semester depending how you see it. Most people say time is precious and everyone should graduate as soon as possible to get a head start in life but to me failing one subject means incurring a shit load of unnecessary cost on my parents' financial plan to push my siblings and I through University. The few hundred i earn each week doing part-time is just a speck compared to the school fees and rent.

Mum called me when I messaged her the news. Hearing her voice telling me it's okay just made me break down and cry. I've disappointed her and my dad. BIG FUCKING TIME. She kept telling me she is proud of me already but it just sucks.. Sending your kids overseas is never easy.. I feel like such a failure to them..

Dumb bitch crying at a corner table of a unlighted restaurant? Yup that's me.

Had to work full day today, 10.30am to 11pm with only 2 hours break in between, I felt so tired and restless, and with the new cocky trainees around, annoyed. Realize how tired I was when my manager came up to me and asked me if I was gay, I just replied "yes" without hesitant, thanks to the little slip up few days ago. Only when I got home 2 hours ago it hit me how careless and stupid I am to actually out to someone that is known to be 2 faced and backstabs if needed. Yea.. The work place gay community ain't gonna be happy about that, gonna put them all in danger..

Had fried noodles and nasi lemak for supper today.. Self reward to fell better.. Gonna get ice cream later maybe.. Nasi lemak literally fat rice.. lol?..

Better go see a course adviser for my next action. First time failing, with a free "feel like fuck" at the bottom of every result slip..

Gonna just have a nice long wank and sleep.
Nights,
Leonut

390 : One factor why gay relationships don't last.

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389 : Out by stupidity.

*Walking to work

Baby, did you see my relationship request?? =3
Yea, I saw it. Why so random? Thought you don't want to change?
Its okay, Announce it to the world!
Err.. Okay.. if you say so.. *Clicks accept*
Awesome!!

Clocked in for work, was about to off my phone and I started getting messages of congratulations and how proud they are that I'm coming out of the closet. 

OMG!! Puppy!! WHAT HAVE WE DONE?? People are messaging me and congratulating me!
WHAT??? It's not private??
Mine wasn't..
I was only joking! I thought yours was too!
Oh shit, puppy, you better fix it, I'm already at work. Go log in and fix it!
I'm in class!

*Tries logging into facebook, Facebook : Your account has been locked, please log in using safari*
O.o...

Puppy.. we are so dead.. 

I was panicking so bad, I actually spilled tea all over my favourite pair of pants and my pants are now stained. Only about 20 minutes later Puppy told me he got everything under control and I offed my phone for work.

Only after work I logged into Facebook to see this and many private messages.
Kinda nice to see how accepting people you don't expect to be are.

Apparently puppy ran to the library just to change it. <3

To the first comment and others that commented, thank you! Except for tuls.. Apa berpuasa ni! lol!

To most people that ask why am I scared to come out, Its not exactly a "scared" issue, but its rather there are people out there that i don't want them to know (Eg. Cousins, Aunts, close minded people) that can use that information against me.. lol..

Actually fell sick working almost everyday due to the under-staff problem since its winter break.
Sleeping till 2pm never felt so good in ages. Better get well before my next shift..

Leonut

Ps. What the hell are so many people doing up at 8am Malaysian time?? Seriously don't even know who saw it and who didn't.. 

388 : Fat rant.

"I'm straight skinny but gay fat"

                                       - Anonymous

I can say, I'm extremely self-conscious about my body. 

For as long as in remember, I always had a fat belly which just makes me dread and hate my body. Can say its an unhealthy mentality but as I'm growing older and watching people around me achieve a dead gorgeous model body, I'm just feeling down on my progress. Been going to gym for more than a year, watching my food, only limiting my liquid intake to water, fresh juices and some.. body liquids.., I honestly expected to at least have my belly fat reduced (overall body fat has reduced though..), instead I'm still at square one after such a long time of trying. Adding the mix comments people give all the time :

"Do more running, will help you reduce your tummy"
"Don't run, lift weights, build and tone up and your tummy will disappear"
"You are gonna lose your build and muscles if you run"
"Do abs workout everyday"
"Don't do abs everyday, do alternate days workout"
"Don't do abs when you have a big tummy, you will only harden your fats"

Its just confusing and frustrating for me with all these mix advice. Hiring a PT would just kill my thinning wallet..

It wouldn't be so bad if I was fat all over..
I remember the first time I ever took of my shirt in public, someone actually used the word "disgusting" to describe my body.Remember one of my hookups last year as well, the guy actually said "I thought you gym?" when I took of my shirt.. Even now puppy admitted  ONCE that my body can be improved.. Its just extremely degrading..

Each time the topic of "fat" comes up in conversations everyone goes "Leo! You aren't fat also! You are damn thin!" when I say I don't like my tummy fat. Could be that everyone already assume I am thin that when they actually see my fats they get a shock..

Disproportionate.. Maybe that's the word to describe my body..

Yesterday I was tagged on a picture on Facebook and my tummy was just bulging out so much in those pictures I had to untag them..

Its just really depressing and it gets me down so often.. I'm not saying I want to get a porn star build, right now, I really just want a flat tummy, abs would be a bonus..

Any tips or advice for me?.. =(

Leonut. 

387 : Chubby fetish

I have a friend that against all gay social stereotype norms, actually loves chubby guys. The chubbier the better. Who am I to question his type but I'm getting more and more annoyed with him.

Most guys in the gay circle are aiming for or have lean, muscular build to impress. Only a handful or guys are actually chubby (correct me if I'm wrong), making him somewhat desperate. He always bugs people online, using anonymous accounts with fake names to add guys to "disturb" them. At first, I was kinda tolerant to his childish behavior, but the more times he tells me he did this and that, the more I got annoyed.

He keeps talking about my brother and a handful of my chubby friends, asking me if he could add them on Facebook. I know my brother is fucking adorable penguin/panda looking but i told him to do whatever he wanted, I just don't want to get involve. But today.. He crossed the line.

He decided to add my brother using an anonymous account on Facebook. My brother naturally accepted his friend request but deleted him right after seeing no pictures or details whatsoever on the page (as i assume, i would too). That being bad enough, he went and message my brother, telling him he is cute and he is gay. Like DA FUCK? Fucking gay stalker go message my brother?? My brother blocked him immediately. He actually thinks is funny my brother acted that way, yet couldn't understand why my brother would block him. Seriously?

Told him off today. Telling him how stupid and immature he is for his age. The retarded thing is that he messages guys, gay and STRAIGHT just because they caught his eyes. Not scolding him specifically. but guys that do this random messaging asking for sex, you guys are just creating a worst impression for the gay society by straight community. At least pick your targets properly.

My brother doesn't know I know what happen, and hopefully both of us will forget this stupid event.
I really, don't want to view my brother in that way.

Ish!
I'm falling sick..
Short post before I go back to sleep.. like 4 hours nap isn't enough..

Nights.
Leonut

386 : Disowned.

L  : "Mum, I'm free on Friday night so I can make it for Uncle's dinner."
M : "You really want to go?"
L  : "Yea, why not?"
M : "Never mind, I already told him(uncle), you have work on that day already."
L : "Whyy????"

So apparently I've been temporary disowned by my family.

Since my mum came over to Melbourne to spend time with us, my uncle decided to organize a little family dinner before my mum fly back to Malaysia. She better appreciate the clean air we have here, gonna have a hard time adapting back to the haze.. Anyways, everyone is invited but when I told my mum I have no plans on that day i got that reply.

I'm not allowed to see my uncles, aunts and cousins and definitely not my grandfather. Why?

I got a new piercing in February.. and now my mum is hiding me!

Industrial Piercing fun!

My grandfather nearly slapped one of my working cousin because he shaved his side burns away and forced him to shave the top as well.. Soooo.. If he finds out about the added holes on me, he will kill me.. If any relatives find out the news are gonna spread like wildfire. Everyone in my family is a goodie two shoes, or appears to be : no colour hair, no fancy piercing or tattoos etc. So I'm already an extreme.

Only person that actually approves of it is my grandma.. She actually pulled me aside when i took my earring off my lobe piercing to hide it. She actually likes it but after this industrial, she will kill me if i get another.

Until my industrial piercing heals and I can actually take the jewelry out, i'm forbidden to see relatives. Hopefully i don't bump into them too.. lol

Leonut

385 : Bored.

So exams ended yesterday.
Came home and realize I have absolutely NOTHING to do.

At least when i was doing nothing the day before exam, it was called procrastinating. Now its just.. Sitting there.. lol? Curse the fact all my hobbies can't be done at home. I see my brother sewing away toys and pillows when he is bored, sister has her make up, and i have.. porn?.. I don't know.

Haven't fap in ages too. Libido died.
Longest dick in the world is 13.5 inches. Distance from Malaysia to Melbourne is 6000km away.
Bf's dick ain't gonna stretch that long. Furthest shooter is 18ft? Imagine getting shot by white fluid 18ft away..

Anyways, someone suggested I posted pictures and open my blog..
Unanoymousfy my blog.
I think if I did i'm gonna lose the remaining few of you that actually reads this little blogspot..

Heh..

Fried > Bake > Mash potatoes..
Grill fits somewhere in there.. Potato gun beats everything else.

Mangoes or Banana?

I think i'm gonna start sleeping at 9pm again..

Leonut

384 : Love Byte!

Love byte! (not love bite)

For all the couples out there! 

So not long ago my friend reminded me to celebrate the 100th day anniversary. 

After complaining on how lazy I am of calculating dates, he asked me to use a smart phone app called "Love Byte".

So basically you download it, sign up for the app for both you and your partner and you are started! 

Its honestly a really cute app with a chat system for only you both, including a passcode lock too, for those paranoid your phone will be used by friends. 

So this is the main page.
It counts the date for you! hahahaha! Pardon the retarded editing.
The cover is Stitch cause he made it so.. lol,
The fun part is you can change his profile picture too..
*cue evil laugh*  

They allow you to post pictures, notes, dates etc and all recorded with a date. So its kinda nice you can review the dates etc. The only complain i have is that you can't post pictures in notes and dates, has to be posted separated. Ah well!  

My favourite feature! Scratchcards!! You can send scratchcards of your choice to your partner and they can "scratch" them. When you are done it counts as a "date". Get kinky and creative? Lol.
I introduced the App to my sister and all they use the scratch cards for is to ask each other to wake up.. -.-'' 

Anyways, I really recommend this app to anyone. Especially for people like me that is on an LDR. Better way to keep connected.  

Need to rush for work now.
See yea!

2 papers down, 2 more to go!

Leonut

383 : The stars decided?

I'm sitting in front of my laptop just refreshing pages and websites continuously. Only after a while did i realize how easily socially deprived i am.

My nights usually consist of eating dinner, going through the usual websites(occasionally porn), and then before long, Puppy will be online and we would talk for hours but this day is different. Puppy is busy and i'm left here alone. I always knew i don't have close friends but it never hit me till now. I have no one to talk to.

There are people that I used to talk to almost everyday, but as the days or weeks go by, I kinda get a cold shoulder from them. Few worded messages compared to the long ones we used to have, conversation topics would get dull and never seem to last, I would just feel so cold and distant that most times talking to them I would feel like a burden or I'm annoying them.. and we just stop talking completely.

Its tragic really.. Whats more pathetic than being in my current state of social deprivation and restlessness would be the fact I'm actually blogging about it to the whole world which would now know how friendless and sad my life really is.

A friend of mine is a really strong believer of horoscopes. She would read her year forecast(is that the right term?), month, week and often day forecasts as well. She uses them as a guideline for her current situation, but i'm shall not go into it tonight.. Well when she passed me my horoscope, I was quite stunned on how it actually describes my person as a whole.

An Aquarius. The page I read about my life mentioned I would have many friends, but non close friends. If i would actually manage to get a close friend, the chances are that they would rarely stay through my life. Most people would say "bullshit", but it was true. Through out primary and secondary school, I was actually hard for me to actually have a best friend. Through secondary school itself i had 3 different "best friend". That so, I was never their "top" friend. Pitiful? More like Pathetic. Maybe i'm just bad in making friends but among all 3 of them, non of them I'm still in contact with. Messages to them would be replied half a day or more than a day later, with replies which are impossible to reply to..

So my twinkle twinkle stars? Am i cursed with the failure you have decided? Yes I am.

Good nights.
Leonut.

Feel blessed if you have a friend to share everything with, wonder if this is what I will go through for the rest of my life.. I fucking hate this..

382 : Leading him on~

Finally all my activities have came to a halt till the next semester. Today alone marks the first time I actually ate dinner at home in 2 weeks.. Busy busy schedule.

Anyways, exams are on its way in two weeks!
Come at me bro!

I didn't ask puppy's permission to post pictures.. lol

Puppy ccame over for 10 days and I lead him to the typical tourist attractions.
Only manage to take a few pictures among all the places we went.
Didn't want to attract attention from the public by holding hands in crowded areas..

Kinda like a parody of "the girl who lead her boyfriend around the world".

"Stitch leading puppy around Melbourne."
-the failed parody.

Anyone can name the places?

Leonut

One of the pictures is of puppy. =D

381 :

Cooled down, talked everything out and everything is fine now..

Guess what people said is true, secret to a long lasting relationship is to fix problems not throw them away.
I'm that bitch in fault in the whole thing.

I know there are a million things you can actually complain about me but most of the things I do I really don't feel I'm doing wrong.. If i make sense?.. Which makes me kinda an ass?.. I don't know.. There is still a lot for me to learn...

Lots of cracks in the mirrors and we are still patching them up.. I know the cracks will always be there but lets not look at ourselves through the cracked glass? or get a fucking blow torch and melt the cracks away!

The day you left back to Malaysia we made a promise on the bridge. Locked our padlock on the rail of the bridge, and the key with you in Malaysia. Stitch <3 Puppy. Our relationship ain't going anywhere anytime soon and the padlock too unless they chop down the bridge.. lol

Thanks all that gave me advice and a shoulder during the past few days.
Love you guys for your support!

Lots of love,
Leonut

380 : I fucked up!!

Yes i know I fucked up.

If i told you I cuddled and kissed someone else less than a month into our relationship would you even have stayed? That's the exact reason why I lied and told you we only cuddled.

But the truth is out. I really thought all the things I did during your whole trip here would be enough to show you how much i love you. Foolish and stupid of me to think I could make up for everything I did.
Was caught off guard yesterday when you were so insecure.. After countless times of telling you I love you and not to feel insecure, I really don't know how to feel when you threaten me saying if i did anything at my STRAIGHT friends birthday party, we are over immediately. A little insulted?.. Insulted that you don't trust me at all even after everything, that you would use that card against me.. Thank god i was drunk when I was talking to you about it yesterday. I cannot imagine what I would do if I was sober when we had that conversation. And yes, I was thinking perfectly straight.

Yups, I'm the asshole. I'm sure everyone agrees. You can go tell Pau or whatever his name, tell everyone and they will all hate me exactly how they did before. Exactly what i deserve. You said yourself you have a lot of guys after you before, so i'm easily replaced i guess.

Since you always say you won't be here when i get back if i did anything, you don't have to be I guess. You are already prepared and ready to leave anytime soon, so might as well..

Bye. 

379 : I'm pissy.

Dear Puppy, 

I'm sorry I'm the pissy one in the relationship.
I know I'm easily annoyed but I'm glad you put up with me.

That day you asked me to go out with your friends, I really didn't want to.
I hate tagging along group dinners..
Everyone would be talking to each other about some inside stories or news and I would just be sitting there. Even when I met up with high school friends after splitting up with the whole group of them in college, I felt so left out and secluded. They were talking about people or past events and I was just there. Seriously felt like i was meeting a new group of people. So that day you asked me to joined you again and again, i agreed, but i was in a terrible mood and when i got there, my mood just got worst. At least after that day, we only meet up with the two of them and not the other girl.

Another reason why i hate meeting new people is the fact that you just sit there to get judged. Maybe not your friends but meeting most people, especially in "our" society, 'meeting up' usually means go out, get judged and then get cut off completely cause you aren't up to par. I know my flaws, i see them everyday in the mirror. Features that looks off, uneven skin, acne and pimples, I already dread them, I don't need others to stare and criticized.

The other day, we walked all the way to DFO to shop, 20 mins just to walk there and you walked through all the shops except 4 or 5 because you were shopping for brands? I was freaking pissed on how much of a waste of time that felt, adding on from the bloody waste of money from the Melbourne Aquarium. Seriously, 58AUD (Rm174'ish) just to see that few number of tanks?? Waste of my hard earn money. 

I'm easily pissed off..
The whole trip you came I was pissed off a number of times and I apologize once again.. Really need to control my temper.

Even when talking with you on whatsapp, I don't know is it because you use wrong words and terms with me that feels like an insult or I think too much but it feels like we argue more than a couple should, mainly cause of me..

Anyways,
Dance again in an hour,
I'll talk to you when I cool down from yesterdays argument.

Leonut

378 : Dear Puppy. I

I only realize I lost my wallet right before I was suppose to pick you up from the train station. I panicked and was rushing to beat your bus from the airport to the train station, ransacking the whole house looking for my train card. Not being able to give you the airport scene you always wanted and foiling your plan to "surprise" me one day earlier, I wanted to make sure i was there when you got down the bus, and sure enough, i made it few mins right before you. =D

I can honestly say I actually forgot how you look like in person. Its been always been a 2D imagine on the other side of the webcam for as long as i remember, as i said before, your pictures don't do your features justice. When I finally saw you, you were so blur looking getting down the bus and dragging your bag. My first thought was "DAYUMM! My baby is cute!!". lol?

Anyways, I was damn excited to see you! Hugs and kisses* when we got home, everything felt like a dream finally being able to feel your warmth and cuddling in bed.

First dinner: fish and chips. I never knew you don't eat salads.. MORE FOR ME!! Quite stupid of both of us to order battered and grilled fish when we both prefer grilled.. -__-..

I'll post pictures of the food and scenery next time k?

Dance in an hour..
Two more hours till you land, how AirAsia is doing you good.. lol

Miss you lots.
Leonut

P.s :You are on the plane home and I'm eating up all the food you left behind.. #fatdieme

376 : How to.. Almost kill pedestrians

As puppy is singing on my bed, i shall teach you guys how to almost accidentally cause pedestrian's death. Through personal experiences of course. 

Many years ago when my siblings and I were still young, our family went on a holiday to Penang Island. Having many street vendors selling miscellaneous china products, dad finally gave in to our constant plea and bought us the most "powerful" imaginary cutting tool : The laser pointer, since it was cheap.

The second we got back to the hotel room, we were like cats taking turns to catch the red dot. Naturally when we got bored we started involving the general public. Twenty stories above the ground, we pointed the laser onto the streets below, usually few meters in front of pedestrians.

First guy I remember who saw it just stood and stare at the laser dot a while before moving on with his busy night life. Most pedestrians did the same thing actually. Stop and stare~ A dog that was being walked actually noticed the dot before being pulled by its jogging owner to hurry along.

It was all fun and games seeing each victim's reaction UNTIL we shined the pointer in front of an elderly woman. SHE RAN!! She stood there, saw it was a laser and ran across the road immediately without even looking out for cars. We all panicked! She could have got into a car accident or something...

That lady must have done shit in her life to even think someone would point a sniper gun at her. Anyways, after we realize how it could be mistaken as a death dot, we stopped and never told our parents..

Lame post to sleepy leonut..
A memory for my blog,

Love,
Leonut.

375 : Wake up

Waking up in the morning and i felt a pair of hands wrapped around my waist..
Turning around just to get kissed..

8 more days i get to sleep with puppy right next to me. <3

374 : Mother's day run.

A 8 km marathon was organized this morning as an appreciation towards mums.
Naturally, the "mother's day run", was interpreted as "Run for your mother" by many of us as a joke for laughs, unknowing the consequences.

Yesterday before dance practice, few of us was sitting together at the back of the dance studio. A close friend of ours, Tsu took out the marathon route map after distributing the marathon number tags to a few friends she collected before hand.

One friend made a joke "Hey, why are you running for your mum? Is she in danger or something?". (Okay, i know it may sound brutal here but the way he said it it purely joking and all of us understood the joke).

We laughed it off but she just stared..

"You know i don't have a mother".

My heart sank just hearing those words! I totally forgot about her situation and most people didn't knew, its not a topic often brought up. Her eyes started tearing and she excused herself to go wash up. We all felt so bad. We just sat there not saying a word..

Apparently her mum passed away 3 years ago, suffering from several cancers, brain cancer ultimately claimed her. Nobody saw Tsu for more than a month during that period of time. I just can't imagine the tears and pain someone feels when they see their mum on the sickbed or worst.. Even i can't bare to see my mum sick with a cough or anything, (Except her morning sneeze fit, that is something in common I share with her and is both entertaining and hilarious to watch.)

I really admire how strong Tsu is honestly. She came back few mins later and she was her old joking self again. Even this mother's day run, she actually organized a group page and manage to persuade many to join the run. Initially I didn't understand why she did it (she isn't a part of the organizers or anything), but I finally see her true intentions.

R.I.P, Tsu's Mother, and Tsu, stay strong always and keep dancing! 

For those of you who can visit your mum, please do. Even if you aren't in good terms with her. I know most people say you should appreciate your mum everyday regardless of what day is that, its true and all, but taking this day to see your mum would just make it all the more special no?

As for my mama back home, I'm going out today to get you the nail polish colour you really wanted. Till we meet again during the holidays mama!

Lots of love,
Your retarded son, 
Leonut

P.s. She pushed you out of her virgina, please love her.
How you got in there in the first place.. Happy Father's day.