Sunday, 1 March 2015

The world stops spinning.

After a while, I came to realise the world stopped caring.

Everyone has their own things, their own commitments, their own schedules..

The friend I thought cared the most seemed just distant now.. An offer to catch up ignored, with the question answered with another question.. What do you do when the person you go to when something goes wrong stops caring?.. The world feels like it stops spinning..

Maybe I just have too much time on my hands right now.. Things with puppy are just messed up.. Seems like we argue everyday.. His feelings towards me hasn't changed but i'm slowly falling out of it.. He got his own place now, and i just found out he has a housemate. A girl, arranged by puppy's mother to share a house with him..

I'm just so messed up. I'm crying while writing this, and at the same time i'm angry.. My train of thought just keeps darting around to the point i can't even focus on anything.. What is wrong with me?..

Anyone else cries on their birthday?..

The one day i'm suppose to feel special, I don't.. Every year I get my hopes up thinking this year i would feel like a prince but i never do.. I get jealous really.. How everyone gets amazing celebrations, surrounded with friends and presents.. I got one coin box from puppy and dinner the day before with him as well as a wallet from my sister this year for my 22nd birthday.. Had dinner with relatives on my birthday this year and since i'm the youngest among my cousins, I'm always the last one to get my food from the sharing plate, usually left with scraps, like the ribs of the chicken with hardly anything on it.. And when I don't eat much cause there is nothing left, I get asked whats wrong with me.. It fucking sucks..

Its almost 5am now and I can't sleep..

I want to be left alone but i don't want to be if that makes sense..

The walls are closing down on me.. I'm reaching out for help and i just see people with their backs turned.,

I wouldn't mind leaving the world, and never coming back..

5 comments:

  1. ending your life isn't a solution, come on lah, how old are you ? you know, there are many others who suffer more tragedies yet they survive, because it's not the end, people who don't know what love is hurt you, i know that feeling, been through it, and thought about ending my life as well, but in the end, i had faith, and there was hope....so be strong, don't give up, you are still young, this is not the end, take care and bless it be...

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  2. hey man, cheer up! talk to someone if you need to because you know you are never alone! I've been there as well, but know this; leaving the world means you never get to fix the problem. So get in gear and pick yourself up, we are always just a facebook away.

    If you can, talk to yourself more, get your mind sort. That can really help.

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  3. Well, this is what I always do... Treat myself nice cos I know I deserve to be treated nicely S much as others. Be "selfish" once awhile and go treat yourself, even if that means treating yourself all by yourself :)

    Cheers, man.

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  4. everything in life happens for a reason, it's not that you cant get through these challenges, it's just that you have not found the right way and mindset to think things through. Take a break, take a deep breath, dance it out, find some happiness in the things u like, let it light up your life once again.

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  5. I cried big, one year on my birthday. my 18th i supposed. my mum was concerned about me.
    After all, this is my life and how i want it to be. Happy or not.

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