Wednesday, 31 October 2012

311: Hibby Jibbies

Happy Halloween Everyone!
I personally love Halloween, get to dress up and all. Just too bad Malaysians seldom celebrate it for the fun of it.

I previously typed out a ghost encounter that happened to my mum during her labor period in the hospital. You know how pregnant women are prone to "unclean" encounters especially in the hospital? Well yea.. My mum had a really bad experience. But i think i shall keep family stories to family.

Anyways, exams are here, everyone is busy mugging.
I missed the big Halloween clubbing party due to an exam, curse the early papers..

Look what i got?
Awesome no?

Was suppose to be my Halloween "costume", what better day to wear on a FAKE industrial piercing. Lol.
But nah.. I shall keep it for special occasions!

Exams exams exams, no time for anything.. =/

Happy Halloween!
Candies and tricks!

Monday, 29 October 2012

310 : Once bitten, Twice shy, Trice?

Exams are here..
Studying through the late night when the my phone whatsapp notification rang..


Someone i never expected to hear from..
Its been almost 7 months since i last talked to him..

He didn't sound like his happy self he used to be, the "..." at the back of each sentence sent to my phone which set a sad tone for the whole conversation.

He watched Wong Fu's "The Last". I guess that video served it's purpose.
Who, What, When, Where, Why, triggering every memory of loving and loss a person could have, or rather what they wished to have..

He told me he did something stupid, where he lost someone he really loved, that he was scared he wouldn't be accepted again..


The boy you talked to me about, the boy studying abroad in Melbourne, the boy you hurt so badly, breaking his heart in every way possible. I know it's not me.. I wouldn't be, and i would never be..
Everything you made me believe last time was never what it seemed.. The person you told me you loved was someone else when i was with you.. I actually believed it was me.. It was foolish of me..
A lot of people told me you are a mean person, where you go around breaking people's hearts.. But hey, see it in another way.. Everyone is just finding that right person, and you are too. I guess people just fall deeper for you than you for them..
I know you can make it up to him.. Good luck..
Lots of Love... 

Wednesday, 24 October 2012

309 : Why i'm scared.

Well basically, as long as in can remember, i always had a fear of people's boyfriends. I never knew why, or never put much thought into it.

So today, i had the sudden urge to talk to honey bunny, its been weeks since i last talk to him and all. Miss him. But as i wanted to hit send on whatsapp i deleted the message.. then it hit me! i realize the problem and the cause of my fear. Lets have a story telling session.


Long long time ago.
*water ripples on your constructed imaginary image arriving to a flashback along with harp music*

When i was still a young, naive form 2 little boy, i had a close girl friend, i had many more close friends but we shall focus on this young girl for now.

One day, she got into a relationship with a form 3 guy which was one of the cutest guy in school. Narrow slanty eyed, refined jaw line, charming smile type of guy. That time, i wasn't interested in guys yet so i never bother about him. I still remained close to her. During lunch and break, i often would be talking with her when he had his prefect duties on.

Like every fairy tale in my book, they broke up months after. He told her he had feelings for someone else. She changed after that, who wouldn't? After that we drifted apart.

One day in form 4, 2 years later, a friend of mine told me the real reason they broke up. Apparently i was spending too much time with her, and he was really uncomfortable with that thus the break up. It was a stupid reason of course. What? The dormant whore'mones in me ain't gonna do anything that time..

So yea, in my fairytale, without knowing it, i was the villain. Of course he was a sensitive bitch, at least he could have let me know. I still took it quite badly when i found out.. Felt horrible that i was partially responsible for their break up..

That day on i always had a kinda fear of people's boyfriends.. =/

The end.


Didn't message honey bunny in the end. I'm sure he is fine and well. As for me, i'm still bumped about some pass events but oh well. Don't know why i became so high after an emo session in the morning. Lols~

Caution on what you do always~

Tuesday, 23 October 2012

308 : Gay's Pride

No, not a sexuality celebration, but the prides of gay people.
I know I want to say but I have no idea how to word it.. lol

I don't know is it only me but gay people that are really obviously gay i meet always just come of as extremely unfriendly. Maybe its because they hang out with girls more or they sense me as a plu, each time i talk to them they just give this really unfriendly vibe like 'why is this person talking to me' type. Everyone that talks to them including straight guys, they are just as friendly as ever but me i will get that death stare. People says its because I haven't got to get to know them yet but hell! how do you get to know someone with that deathstare?? No, its not only one person but already a number of them.

Of course they won't add you on facebook, and when you add them on facebook too, they won't accept. My face problem la.
Then there is another issue of people that don't bother replying messages or just says 'I'm busy' 24/7.

The Plu circle around me is just depressing..
Times like this is where i get this really really rare feeling of wishing i was born differently, so i wouldn't have put up with this all the time..
I'm just fucking pathetic no?

Sunday, 21 October 2012

307 : Back to Reality

".. and dancers on stage"

Each of us walk out on to the pitch dark stage, using the countless practices before to navigate ourselves to our positions. We crouching down, and waited..

The music starts.

The strong speakers send pulses and vibrations across the stage and the theater, each beat sending a signal through us, to our eardrums and sensors. Everyone stays still, counting silently to ourselves, the tension builds.

"5, 6, 7, 8.. Te Dum!"

Everyone springs into life, blinders flash, spot lights turn on and a colour wash fills the background. Each dancer moving to our coordinated steps, building the vision our choreographer had intended for our piece. I looked forward to the audience, and the rest was muscle memory.
Before I knew it, we were taking our bows, partying on the stage and the curtains closed.


3 days of awesome performances with friends are finally over.
Back to reality that exams are approaching like a meteor to the dinosaur ages.
No more using dance as an excuse, bohoo!

Enjoy your Sunday!

Friday, 19 October 2012

306 : Cuddle buddy wanted!

Another application sign up sheet since the Boyfriend application posted a while ago went so well, with tones of imaginary mails just pilling in and flooding my cobweb infested mailbox ..

Here's a cuddle buddy application!


Cuddle outfit and cuddle position must be filled out in as much detailed as possible.
Just fill in the form and submit it!

Honestly, who doesn't love a good cuddle under the blankets?

Please and thank you!

Thursday, 18 October 2012

305 : Respect

Respect used to be associated with age, but not anymore.
The younger generation aren't push arounds anymore.

"Respect must be earned" - A line which i been hearing again and again.

I respect everyone, younger and older, as a human being.
If you are high and important, fine. Automatically you gain my respect, you must be went through a lot of shit to get to where you are now, but when you expect people to worship you? Get off your stupid fantasy land please.

During a lecture, another lecturer came in and took 10 mins of the lecture time to talk about the importance of Econometrics for our future. Being the last week of university before exams, some people left the lecture when she started her talk. The lecturer stopped her talk, glared at them leaving and said "Well, we don't have to compete with them for a job in the future". Like wtf?

Yes, i agree that what she was saying was important, but for her to put herself to a point where she insult students when they are leaving? Bitch! Its university, not highschool! Lower your stupid ego bitch, you aren't absolute key to our future. She told us that she will be only taking 10 mins of our time but she was still talking after 15 mins. That point, a student did something that no one expected.

"Excuse me, i know what you are saying is important and all, but this is our last lecture for revision, you come in here saying you would take 10 mins but its 15 mins and you aren't even close to finishing. We need our revision, exams are 2 weeks away."

The look on the lecturers face, priceless.

Similarly, people like my uncle. Does all the crap in the world and expect me to respect him. If you won't talk to my mum when she talks to you, don't expect me to respect you no matter how many things you bring over.

Realize everyone gets medium respect initially to me. Shake my hand with a firm hand straight, gain full respect, shake my hand like a jellyfish, i would slap you like a jellyfish*.

All that being said, some young people still need to learn how to respect people. Its common courtesy such as don't talk when someone else is talking, listen to when people are talking, face them when they are talking, let the older people board the train first, understand not everyone is born 'normal' and such.

Rant rant rant,
Busy week!

Tuesday, 16 October 2012

304 : Stay Safe!

Really disturbing status update today by Pang Khee Tiek.

Go read the status!

Really surprise about it.. Every community has its goods and bads but seriously..
The LGBT community is already under fire all the time by the government, we don't need more reasons for public to shun us.
In another note, i guess the LGBT community isn't all that innocent.
With Grindr, Jack'd and many more, most people are given access to quickies anytime of the day, just buzz, meet and do it.
Lol, i know what i wana say but i'm just too tired to word it out properly..
If i make sense i make sense?

Anyways, just be careful alright?


And for people like CX that don't have a facebook.. Lol


To fellow members of the Rainbow Community, 

In the past 20 years, the internet has provided many LGBTIQ organisations and individuals with platforms to express our thoughts and identities in a relatively safe environment. One of the communities that has flourished as a result of this is Seksualiti Merdeka, where people of all sexual orientations and gender identities can come together in support of each other. 

Recently, Seksualiti Merdeka has received a certain information from a trustworthy ally. According to our source, a Malaysian mainstream television company is planning to do an exposé on social networking apps (on mobile phones) and websites that cater to the LGBTIQ community, specifically those that offer personal dating services. We were informed that this TV company will be hiring people to infiltrate these apps and websites and disguise themselves as looking for dates. 

Seksualiti Merdeka fears that the resulting conversations and photos between the moles and LGBTIQ individuals may be shown in a television programme that portrays LGBTIQs in a negative light. While Seksualiti Merdeka supports the right to freedom of expression, we believe that the intentions of the producers of this television exposé are negative in nature and the results may cause more harm than good. 

As a result we would like to advise members of the LGBTIQ community to exercise vigilance and care when interacting with strangers online. We urge you to employ discretion and common sense practices:
· Don’t give out your vital personal information to total strangers. 
· Don’t share your photos, especially ones that may compromise your identity. 
· Don’t meet a person you have just met online in a secluded area.
· If the person's conversation is making you uncomfortable, seem too probing, or is pressuring you into meeting or revealing certain information, stop interacting with the person immediately.

It is not Seksualiti Merdeka’s wish to spread panic and fear throughout the community. Despite the seriousness of this matter, we advise everyone to remain calm, exercise discretion and be supportive of one another. If you have any friends who you think may be at risk of being implicated in this exposé, please pass on this advisory to them.

Please inform us if you have any concerns or additional information about this matter. 

Thank you. 

Be safe and stay fabulous."

Monday, 15 October 2012

303 : Dreams

No no, this isn't some 'i wish i can stay in dream land and escape reality' thing.
Weird as it sounds, its the other way around.

I'm the type of person who has really extreme dreams, unconsciously taking advantage of the dream world, i always had dreams that involve flying, superheroes or nightmares with murderers and kidnapping etc. Usually these dreams will appear vivid in my head after i wake up and often it affects my start of the day.

But recently, all these extreme dreams just disappeared. Instead i started having normal dreams that i don't remember much anymore. Just really really weird dreams.

Few friends and I planned a trip a while back. I had a dream that the organizer canceled it and after i woke up it took me half a day before i actually realize it was only a dream.

Similarly, i had a dream that my friend had quit his job, leaving me alone at work. Didn't realize it was a dream for a while. Another dream was i met this really charming cheerleader again. Ish!

So far these and a few more are the only ones i can remember right now. Who knows how many more dreams i had which i didn't know it was a dream. I need a reality check every morning.. lol

All the dreams seem so real. Like I was literally right there hearing and feeling everything. They feel more like a memory rather then a dream..

Ish.. brain, what are you doing?

Sunday, 14 October 2012

302 : A Lecuter II

Remember few weeks ago I meet my university Lecturer at my work place with his group of friends.
I never told anyone about my discovery of his sexuality though.

During his lecture this week a friend of mine caught me of guard with a question :

"Eh.. You know he is gay?"
"Huh? How you know? Don't me so bad la"
"No, sure confirm he is gay already"
"What did he do wor?"
"Last week you never came for lecture, he opened the MYER website to explain a point, he literally said 'and here, you see all the hot guys wearing the clothes' and when everyone burst out laughing he looked like he was in shocked, stumbled a bit and said 'Er.. There are cute girls too'. That's why people say he is gay."
"Okays.. He gay.. "

Lol, so now everyone knows he is gay without me even spilling the restaurant event. 

This is what happens when you are too used to talking to gay people. I nearly fell victim to this too, I asked a straight guy friend 'Your boyfriend le?' without thinking. Thank god I manage to save and told him the word 'boyfriend' slip my mouth when I thought of asking the same question to a female friend if she had a boyfriend.

Process before talking?..

Saturday, 13 October 2012

301 : Depleting Youth?

The future is a really scary place ain't it?
The uncertainty and unpredictability of it, adding the fact it will come no matter what.

The pass two weeks has been killer busy.
Assignments due, surprise test and scheduled internal exams all drawing near as the semester ends.

With all the events going, a number of big bosses from Malaysia were invited over to give speeches as well as to give young students a chance to apply internship at their companies. A friend of mine with a few others heading a large student organization got really involved, having almost every meal, breakfast, lunch, and dinner with the head of companies for few days straight such as PWC, CIMB, E&Y and the list goes on. He have a number of pretty good offers by a few companies.

Of course jealously filled my heart, he had such a good opportunity, he is doing what my dad dreams of me doing, to get powerful connections in top companies and to intern before even graduating.

Anyways, I told him honestly i really wish i had his opportunity to build the connections. Only the top committee members of his organization have that privilege. He told me to run for the committee, i wouldn't mind but seeing him have an event almost every week that requires compulsory attendance, i told him i might not be able to be so active, i'm already juggling studies, social life, 2 dance societies, a normal society, and work.

He knows as well dancing eats up 40% of my time and commented :" Dancing isn't that important, this has to do with your future, think how much easier finding a job with being a committee. Must get your priorities straight mah."

But honestly.. If i don't dance now, will i get a chance when i'm older?..
Would you enjoy your passion while you still can or do whats best for your future?
Its a lose lose situation if you ask me.



Thursday, 11 October 2012

300 : 100 Facts

Here lies 100 random crap facts about me that nobody cares.

1. I am born with a penis which is attracted to other penises.
2. Currently studying business in Australia.
3. Have a twin brother and an elder sister.
4. Mama's boy at heart.
5. Used to doodle a alot when i was young as well as attended drawing classes.
6. Practically tone death.
7. Can't sing to save my life.
8. First dance i joined was in form 1 school concert. Had to wear a "male night gown" to portray that era. Most Embarrassing Thing EVAR.
9. Started properly dancing in form 4, inspired by my best friend that had changed school.
10. Dance urban, latin and ballroom as well as contemporary. Or try to?
11. Love spicy food yet i can't handle it at times.
12. Love eating lemons.. People think i'm crazy.. but its really good..
13. Although a coward, i love watching horror movies, traumatized for 1 day to 1 week max.
14. Worst horror movie i watched was "doll master". Freaky shit!
15. Can't stand gore or thriller movies. Blood by knife or torture is just really creepy..
16. I love wearing plain shirts, no brand, no logo just one colour.
17. I have a plain shirt in almost every colour.. Except brown..
18. I don't own any high end branded clothes.. I think the most expensive i ever bought was an esprit tee.. So fitting and sexy!
19. People think i'm older then i really am..
20. Absolutely love soft toys. But it has to be an animal.
21. I own 4 dog, 1 duck and 1 shark soft toy so far..
22. Need something to hug to sleep every night, which now is my shark.
23. Love animals to the max.
24. Wanted to be a vet when i grew up but family issues prohibits.
25. Only pet at home are fishes. Boring little animals they are.
26. I'm terrified of lizards and frogs of all things. I'm not even scared of snakes.. but lizards.. I would run a mile from them.
27. Favorite animal now are yellow ducks.. yup. Ducks.
28. Really love nature! So many species and all so unique!
29. I'm a korean fanatic.
30. Favourite korean groups are BigBang and 2ne1. YG family bias.
31. Apparently i have thick lips.
32. My assignments are usually done on the 11th hour and 55th min.
33. Consider myself a lucky person academic wise.
34. Currently addicted to dried fruit and nuts.
35. Was a leo club member in high school
36. No preference when it comes to noodles or rice.
37. Really stingy with money.
38. Only drink sky juice and occasionally fruit juices.
39. Used to prefer vegetables over meat when young, now its the other way round.
40. Attracted to shinny things.
41. Kinda low self-esteem.
42. Love cold weather over hot weathers.
43. All time favourite Disney character is Stitch.
44. Social whore, love to belong to groups.
45. Honestly a hypocrite(who isn't?) to certain people.
46. Paper freak.
47. Love arts and crafts.
48. Express love by giving handmade book marks to people. So far only made 6. 3 for family, 1 for a best friend, and 2 for two guys which i never had a chance with. Kena dumped before i could finish one for my ex.
49. Wears glasses when studying.
50. Favourite colours are basically bright colours, especially blue, red and yellow. Superman?
51. Only out to 7 straight people so far, 2 guys and 4 girls.
52. Sister knows I'm gay.
53. Really hyper in nature.
54. Talkative to certain people.
55. Lame jokes fill the air when i am high.
56. High when lack of sleep or with large intake of sugar.
57. Really scared of good looking people especially guys.
58. Terrified of people's boyfriends.
59. Sucked up my way through high school.
60. Used to take part in acting competitions.
61. Don't expect anyone to read so far, so i might as well add more private stuff.. Still reading?
62. Still a virgin, front and back.
63. Formal wear fetish. I love dressing up in slacks and a shirt.
63. First ever boner i ever remember having was watching Arnold Schwarzenegger getting stripped in "Jingle All The Way". Lol, 1996?
64. Apparently i have value in the thai market over 25.
65. Had cuddle sessions with only 3 guys before, one singaporean and 2 thai guys.
66. There have been only 3 guys that i really fell hard for.
67. First serious crush in form 4, first relationship last year and fell really HARD for one guy beginning of the year.
68. Never had a movie date before. Boohoo.
69. Kinky number ain't this?
70. Seriously having trust issues since some event that happened.
71. Absolutely love celery although most people don't like em.
72. Not inked.
73. Pierced.
74. Been clubbing only twice. Didn't enjoy it.
75. Never got drunked before.
76. Punctual.. Sometimes..
77. Still watches cartoons. Fairy odd parents and avatar the last airbender are a few to name.
78. Have an undeniable attraction towards guys with small eyes.
79. Charming smiles that makes their eyes almost a line just melts my heart.
80. Jboy, the answer to your question is 10.2. Now sshh and don't ever speak of it again.
81. Love Tall, Fair and Charming. White skins are so nice!
82. Wake up at 9am automatically everyday.
83. Once every few weeks i would wake up sneezing.
84. All jeans look the same to me as well as handbags.
85. Would spend on others more then myself.
86. Naturally flirty towards really obvious gay guys, but not the "i want your dick" type, just the friendly type.. lol?
87. Best friends are guys.
88. I secretly love a crab. :3
89. Chocolate cheese cake. <3
90. Vertically challanged, bit horizontal too.
91. Born and raised Malaysian.
92. Favourite part of a chicken is the bone marrow at the bottom of the drumstick piece. Know where?
93. Wish i had more gay friends to talk crap with. Usually now its just Jboy. lol
94. Sleep shirtless even though it winter. Love the body contact.
95. Love hugs from behind. Who doesn't?
96. Favorite fruit are peaches and apricots.
97. Hyper x horny after midnight.
98. Great at taking stalker pictures
99. Naked under my clothes, i bath naked.
100. Procrastinator. I started writing this on the 27th of September. lol
101. I wish i can let go all hopes of penguin completely by now.
A friend suggested to write this and heck why not.
Its not like i can appear anymore boring as i already am.
So here yea go! 100 facts pointless random facts about me, 1 fact for 3 post i did.
I can't think of anymore.. lol


Monday, 8 October 2012

299 : Changing

I'm changing.

The desperate-for-a-relationship self seems to have just died away..
About 2 months back, I woke up feeling  like everything in my life seems to be out of place.
Everything just felt wrong and I was far from where I want my life to be, was walking down the wrong path.
That day itself i deleted all the "evil" applications from my phone.

Well i'm not saying that I don't want a relationship anymore, I still do.
Its just that I lost the mood to keep up with everything.
I rather not walk a path then reach a dead end at every path i take.
Every time someone shows interest , its always temporary and i have to get through the same thing, all the  heartaches and the mood swings.
Its really tiring.
Somehow i just gave up completely.

Honey bunny sent me a few picture of supposedly hot guys..
I see hot guys come in during work, during uni or just in the city all the time and i don't even bother taking a second look anymore.. No point getting my hopes up right?
Don't feel the attraction, the urge or anything towards any guys.. Its just another person.
Guess my self-esteem has really hit rock bottom with the number of rejection and heartbreaks i went through in the pass 1 year.

I want somebody.. but i don't want anybody..
Does it make sense?.. =(

I've changed.
Practically a nun now.

Friday, 5 October 2012

298 : How do you love?

How do you love?

Boys fall hard and quick. Not exactly the love with your dick type but rather follow their hearts. Feel what they feel and do what they need to do to get their target. When they are in a relationship, they would love with their hearts but fall out quickly too. One week later they would be out again looking for another, letting go of the bitter memories and moving on.

Girls take time to fall in love. Mostly being caution when making their choice and take time getting to know and evaluate that person before getting into anything serious. Holding on and cherishing only the sweet moments and memories, they tend to fall out really slowly, taking months or even half a year to let go of the sweet memories.


Just what I got from a little impromptu focus group I had with few guy and girl friends.
Something really stereotypical..
True or not, i don't know, but most importantly, does it apply for gays?

For me its fall hard and quick, takes me forever to fall out.. been almost 8 months.. lol

Something random.

Tuesday, 2 October 2012

297 : Yay or Nay?

Tempted.. Really really tempted..
Despite the pain factor I heard famously about I really want to get one.
My honey bunny's  boyfriend has one anD it looks damn sexy!!

Industrial Piercing. 
Yay or Nay?
Especially to those who know or can imagine how i look like..

My favorite guy group's maknae spotting a sexy industrial piercing on their comeback this year. =P 

I want.. >.<
My parents are gonna kill me though.. 
Any opinions?..