Natural Progress

 "You came close to winning before, and it seems that there is always one small thing that holds you back, what do you think that is?"

"I am a people pleaser, I try to make everybody else around me very comfortable, make everybody smile, I feel like I was born to make people happy, with that being said, I find myself almost stuck at one place while everyone else that I 'alleviate' moves on and transitions."

"This is why people do what you just described. Its because you feel uncomfortable with the natural progress. If someone is falling, your natural instinct is to go and to get them, and that's true for all of us. What will happen though, if you allow them to fall?."

"I may be one of those 'crazies' maybe, that think that we all work as one organism. If one off, it affects everybody. Thats why I feel the need to fix"

"Yea, but its not your job to 'fix'. You are doing the world a disservice by trying to repair everything.

-Rupaul  -Jujubee

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I know thats not the full interview but I can relate so much to Jujubee..

I feel so stressed and pressured but when someone calls for help I just go over to help which just leaves me with crap..

My schedules gets fucked up, I don't get enough sleep, everything in my life is just a messed..

I never ask for help because I always feel terrible for troubling people but I do realise people rarely offer help in the world anymore unless there is an underlying incentive. I missed a few quizzes worth 20% of my total grade for a Uni subject now. Totally slip my mind it was due and my friend just didn't bother even reminding me. Instead, he asked me if I can finish my assignment earlier so I can help him with it which is what i've spent my past week doing. 

I didn't have to help him. I'm not going to help him.

I'm here trying to make everyone happy and everyone is just stepping over my head and getting what they want. I'm tired of it. I want to get where I want and I'm not lending a hand to anyone anymore.

I'm at my breaking point.

Leo.