413 : Is it okay to go out with your Ex?

Ex or someone you have dated before.

A huge debate sparked when puppy subtly expressed his unapproved when I told him I was going out with someone I had dated before. He decided to post a status on twitter saying how he is not okay with it rather than telling me directly, that annoyed me. What pissed me off that he did it only after I had told him I was going to sleep. So was I suppose to wake up, read it and feel like shit early in the morning??

So is it okay to date someone you dated before or your ex?

What most people say : Its your history together.

Nic says as well that you'll never know if the spark will ignite again, and god knows what will happen if the spark actually catches flame huh?

But to me, an ex is an ex. History is HISTORY. The reason you broke up will always be there and its enough to remind you why the flame was put out in the first place. Isn't it a waste to lose friends that way as well? - in fear that you might like someone again you completely block him off.

Don't keep love grudges. When it all comes down to it, real or not, they made you feel like you were the top of the world at one point of time. Isn't that what is life about, to gather memories to reflect on your remaining hours.

Insecurity is a put off. The first few times it happens, its cute, people say the only reason they are insecure is that they love you and they are afraid to lose you but seriously, after that it just gets annoying, that every person you go out with will be scrutinized and filtered. Isn't being together for 9 months saying something?..

I find it unfair as well, that puppy goes out with his ajay friends all the time and I don't say anything but the first friend I was going out with almost two weeks since I got back sparked such a huge argument between us. It feels like he can go out with anyone and I can't.

So guess who isn't going to meet up with anyone now?

All my friends are gone overseas, either UK or Australia, most people that didn't leave the country are busy with their own lives now. Everyone goes out of each other leaving you to feel like a third party to the whole group and a parasite to the friend you are closes to, them having to explain inside jokes and save you from an awkward situation or if you don't have one, it just leaves you sitting there drinking water while everyone talks about their own things.. Pitiful feeling it is..  Maybe ex's are really interested in meeting given our past relationships only..
I don't know...

Life back home is hell boring.. I'm dying to go back to Melbourne.. =(

Leonut

412 : The easy way out.

7 degrees out there right now. 3 of us cuddled up in the middle of Lincoln Square, our arms wrapped tightly around Jun as the cold wind pierce our clothes.

Life. I can say how lucky I am to have not experienced any death around me growing up but I can't say the same for others.

I cannot imagine the emotion flooding Jun right now. Within 5 days, 2 separate cases of close friends committing suicide hit her with no warning whatsoever. Heaviness filled her heart and we detoured from our way home to Lincoln Square to take a breather the moment she received the news. I felt to useless. That crucial moment where she was crying in our arms, I was speechless, or rather afraid to say anything. I don't know how exactly she was feeling, or the memories that were flashing through her eyes. I don't know what I could say in the moment but I was praying my presence as well as Rel's was enough to comfort her. The words sad cannot describe the emotion I saw in her.

Why?

The constant 'why's were asked.

Why would you take the easy way out? Taking your life thinking that everyone will get over your death and life moves on? Selfish. Every burden you feel when you decide to commit suicide just don't disappear, they are converted and passed on to your family and friends, not for a moment but for a lifetime. They have to learn to live with you gone, to accept that questions they have will never be answered; they will be changed forever. Seeing a close friend's reaction itself, I cannot imagine the reactions of their family members. They lose a friend, a sibling, a son or a daughter.. In the case, even a wife to someone.

To the 2 families to that lost their loved ones, my deepest condolence to you.

To Jun, please stay strong.. 2013 has been utter bullshit to you, ever single thing that could ever happened to you have happened and you always manage to pick yourself and stay strong. 'come at me bro!!'

Both aren't even 30 years old, one of them aren't even 25 yet..

"If you have anyone you suspect is having some problems don't wait okay? Just ask them straight up if they are okay. They must feel so alone in the world that they actually take that path out."

Suicide is never as option.

I pray their families and friends will stay strong when the autopsy results are released.

There are people around you that love and care for you, help is always around.. Even the blogsphere (although dying) have many cool people you can email just for a chat or a little pick me up.

Just..
Don't do it please..

Leonut.

411 : I think my mum knows..

Well like what they say, mother always know.

Going home only once a year, I do ask my mum to bring stuff home for friends when she comes over during the holidays, and friends usually being just Puppy. So puppy drops by my home once in a while to collect things I bought him or to pass things to my mother so she can bring it over. Naturally my mum knows him by name now rather than going by "the friend that sends me home" when I was back last year.

Few days back I was sitting with my mum at the breakfast table. Me gobbing down my breakfast, while she was playing her usual candycrush along with every other candycrush knock off, the topic of flying home came up. Cheap flights, comfort and the question of which Airport to arrive, I told her most Malaysians here in Melbourne refuse to go home early and rather stay here till late December or even January while Singaporeans fly home the second they get (Malaysian patriotism at it's best). I brought up the fact that I didn't tell a single friend when I'm flying home. Her immediate reply?

"What about that boy, Puppy? You didn't tell him?"

I was caught off guard I don't even know what gibberish reply I gave her.
So many friends of mine she knows and she mentioned only puppy's name..

Another instance was after we went strawberry picking. Was 5 of us picking and eating them fresh of the bush, we landed with almost 7kg of strawberries. My mum was going back to Malaysia the day after we picked them so I asked my mum if she could bring some back for my friends. First question ask :

"Puppy? How much you think he wants?"

So fuck that.. I told her its a big group of friends so its gonna be too much to give away. Until now she still ask me "are you sure you don't want me to give some to him.". Don't know why she keep insisting to use 'him' when I told her its 'them'.

So yea.. I think my mum knows about Puppy and I. Smart mum that can even figure out a LDR.
Just hope she is as accepting as the way I'm reading her actions and speech.

Wonder whats gonna happen when I actually get back home?..

Leonut

*edited*
Oh! Another time she was looking for her makeup remover in my room.. She reached in one of my bags I had laying around and the first thing she pulled out was lube, stared at it and shoved in right back in the bag within 2 seconds.. F..M..L..

410 : Orgasm Wars

One more paper to go, Nic sent me a link to watch in the library..

The giggling fool in the library, looking around in fear someone will catch me for watching almost gay porn.. Or is it?

All I can say is, what in the world is a throat hold??
I need to get me some of that!




Anyone care to teach me?

Leonut

409 : Exam Stress ; Make me a sandwich.

Fucking Stress from exams!!
8 hours per topic? Like wtf study rate am I at..

But like my friend say, one hour before exams, everyone is granted super powers when studying.
Mine would be super cramming everything in temporary memory followed by entering the exam hall and scribbling everything on the desk before the exams starts (oops?). Are there rules against this??


Anyways, make me a sandwich!!

Leonut

408 : Slow dancing.

Procrastinating from studies, I went on to Youtube in search of those sappy love videos that would make any emotional victim tear like a fat kid who dropped his ice cream; for a person like me however, I envy their lives, fictional or not.

I envy the story (quite almost any other couple actually), I envy watching the dates they go on, the romantic gestures they have for each other, even the pictures they take together. I'm jealous that all I the 'romantic gestures I can do are all limited to my Whatsapp chat or a Skype screen. I'm bored. With the same messages like "How was your day?" or "Have you eaten?" repeating everyday for the past eight months. It makes me wonder is there anything more for a long distance like this. The change from 2 hours to 3 hours between us doesn't help either.

I've been so busy with dance, work and studies that I'm often left drained of energy by the end of the day, leaving one final question, do I wait up for him to have his dinner and Skype him later or crash and recharge energy for the next day's hectic schedule? The days I decide to stay up till 2 or 3am talking to him usually gives birth to a walking zombie the next day, resulting in missed schedules in the morning or just a really cranky Leonut. The effects snowballs, with the question at the end of my day being do I wait up or go to sleep way earlier to recover my sleep debt?

It makes me feel like a horrible person. He always replies with "So early?.. okay.. Goodnights.. Love you..".
What am I to do?

Bringing back to the videos I was watching, it was funny seeing one where the couple tried slow dancing together for the first time, they made it look so romantic. When I taught Puppy to dance however, it was a tragic disaster. The clueless little boy staring at me wondering what the hell is he suppose to do next as I push him around asking him to follow my lead. Yea.. Latin dancing isn't everybody's thing. I can say dancing with him gave a feeling that I never felt before partnering anyone else. Standing in a closed hold position, I could feel his warmth, his scent, and his complains much clearer. Overall it made me love him even more.

I need things like this to remind me all the time, how much I love this little boy I call puppy, and how I manage to last in an eight months long distance. It also gives me things to look forward doing with him when i get back.

That said, I'm gonna log off and continue my studies. If I procrastinate more, I'm gonna fail tomorrow's paper..

I'M HUNGRY!! WHERE IS MY LUNCH DELIVERY NIC??

Leonut

407 : Balls and Sausage?

Balls and sausage.

Anyone of you know what malaysian fish cakes are?
A type of processed food made of fish and.. err.. other stuff..
Usually cooked with noodles, complementing the dish.
Not to be confused with the Thai fish cake.

Anyways, today a customer asked me what fish cakes where, naturally I told her it was a type of processed food, to further clarify what it taste like, I told her they tasted exactly like fish balls.

Freaking, BAD CHOICE OF WORDS..

I got the 'Did you actually said balls' look from both the Caucasian ladies on the table..

"Well that's awkward.."
"Like fish BALLS??"
"No no no no... not that type of balls... Is an Asian food made of fish paste.."
"Hmm?.."
.
.
.
"Oh!!! Okay, the best way I can describe it would be a sausage made of fish? The best and most accurate description I can think of." 
"So.. a fish SAUSAGE?? *both grins*
"Oh.. my.. god.. very.. very bad choice of words.."
"First you tried selling us balls, now sausages? Next you'll be selling us your b.."
"OKAY! My bad totally.. "
The whole conversation was so awkward but fun at the same time! Those two cheeky young ladies were laughing so hard, talking to me about sausages and balls for about 5 mins with the super crowded restaurant behind us. End of the order, I manage to get both of them to just get fried chicken.. Everyone loves fried chicken!

Balls, and sausages..
Society made them such suggestive words. Even during dance when my friend said do a "ball change", my friend pretended to grab his balls and said "changing my left and right balls".

"That's what he/she said" triumphs all suggestiveness still!

Dude! Why is it so big?. "THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID!!"
Omg.. Its so hard! "THATS WHAT SHE SAID!!"

*wink wink!*

That's what I said all the time..

Cheeky,
Leonut