I don't know why but I have this thing which can be little embarrassing that may also make me sound very egoistic but ah well, time to see if anyone feels the same as me. This post is gonna be a lil shit. Just realise i can't find the proper words to write this out.
When I was in the process of resigning from my part time job, I was talking to my close girl colleague of mine. We were talking about how she was going to miss working with me and at the end of the conversation she ended it with "love you!". I read it and an overwhelming emotion just took over : Fear.
SHIT! What if she likes me?? I'm gonna be a heartbreaker and then I'm gonna be an asshole.. I remember a few years back my neighbour's daughter had a crush on me (well thats what I think), she would spam like my Facebook photos from few years ago once in a while and it freaked me out. Naturally, I had to protect myself and let her know I wasn't interested, so ignored her for a year.. In my defence, she would never stay in sight when I'm around, just runs off somewhere..
Anyways, lately I've gotten closer to a few of my dance mate. One in particular gives a very flirty vibe which is scaring me a bit. She tells me like "of course you are cute" and "other guys besides XX and XX can't be compared to your looks" which I cannot tell if she is saying it in a friendly matter or flirty. She texts me once in a while for fun as well.. For one of our dance auditions we needed partners to audition together and she booked me way before hand. Unfortunately she came late and I was assigned a different partner. When i told her i didn't do that well, she offered to take a video audition with me after class..
Anyways, what i can say is. I'm terrified of girls showing affection towards me. Might be commitment issues or the fear of having to reject someone. Who knows.. Luckily for me, I don't have a lot of girls taking a liking towards me.. Mixed feelings about that.. lol?
Wtf did i just write,