Thursday, 8 May 2014

416 : A little something something.

There is no denying how much I have neglected writing in this little online journal of mine. Constantly having something to do, work, uni, dance etc, I can honestly say I'm mentally drained which leaves me with little to no provision to sit down and type out a story from my day. Heh.. Feels like I've become the boring monotonous person I've expected myself to become. Same routines everyday, see the same people literally everyday, cooking the same food everyday, where is the excitement?

I guess changing my laptop made me forget I had a blog most of the time. The little blogger icon is no longer bookmarked next to the usual Facebook or twitter icons anymore. Heck, it isn't even on my bookmark list anymore. Which reminds me I should really add it in now. 

So what have you guys been up to? Scrolling down the reading list only did I realise how much I have to catch up with in the blogger world. Seldom keep contact with Jboy and other bloggers as well which makes me actually feel foreign in this blogger world again. Only difference now is, do i have the time to slowly familiarise myself all over again?

I'm actually more open now. I really don't mind who knows about me and people don't mind about me either. Just looking back, I realise how wrong I am to be scared of coming out to people in fear of being judge. I even have straight guy friends asking me details of my relationship.. The world is more open and my mind should be more open as well. 

I've quit my job in the beginning of the year. Having no income coming in every week, I feel so vulnerable. Its just an odd feeling I can't describe. I have been so stingy with my money that I've actually refused to eat out with friends or chip in with presents for friends. All this lasted a while till a close friend of mine made me realise how much I was torturing myself. We were sitting under the stars during camp, being in the suburbs, the stars were nothing like the city's, each bright and significant in the sky. With the cold sea breeze, she handed me a can of Smirnoff she bought. I knew the price of one can: 40$ for 10 cans. She drank one and she gave everything else away (I had two.. :3). It was just so odd to me how she was so generous with money. What she told me just changed my mentality. She wasn't rich but she wasn't poor either, what her parents told her is the same as what my parents have always told me. Buy things to reward yourself once in a while. They earned the money and have constantly asked me to enjoy myself, when the time comes when I start working, I will pay them back for it. Seeing how she was happy with what ever she was doing made me realise how being so cheap is poison to myself.. 

Dance! If you have my Facebook you will see how dancing has been the only thing I've been doing. With no work to take up my time, dancing has overrun my life. Had performances last week and it was amazing. The amount of compliments I got just felt like hard work paid off. Even seniors messaged me and told me how proud they are of me. <3 

Dance, Dance, Dance, Dance?

The puppy issue?.. I don't know where we are now.. When we broke up the emptiness just consumed me to the point I couldn't even concentrate during dance. I dunno how but that stupid boy manage to wiggle himself back into my life even after being blocked from almost everything. The one thing I totally forgot to block, he messaged me from there.. Facepalm moment. Its rocky again.. I still don't trust him... I know there is a "but" in that sentence but I don't know what it is. Everyone that knows what happened scolded me for taking him back. All the "aiyoooo.. don't la.." and "Oii!! What is this?" I have been hearing from disapproving friends. Love them. So i guess I am taking a chance again. I hate to admit it but i honestly feel he will be the best thing that will EVER happen to me. Anyone out there to prove me wrong can always send me an email.. lol? 

So why am i writing these random stuff? 

Its my bloggie's birthday. Happy 3rd Birthday!

Grew so much with this blog. 

Till the next time,
Fucktastic loads of love,

Ps. Birthday Gift : Found the hidden link to my dance video in this post? 
Can finally put a face to the name leonut eh? lol..


  1. omg i am like a lost boy walking into this blogging world too, havent been writing and checking so often anymore. Glad to know u are still sure of what u wan, dancing, high 5 man. And am happy to know u are happy with whatever is happening right now, minus the jobless part.

    1. Haha, come we hold hands and get lost together! Working on the jobless part but no one wants to hire me.. haha

  2. happy 3rd birthday to your blog!
    you're chinese maa..coming out is not really that big of a deal. most of my gay friends are chinese and their families accept them without much drama. i think chinese are more willingly to accept gays than malays or indians. there are more openly gay chinese in malaysia now. at least you don't have to worry about moral police and the jabatan agama thingy.
    so, are you gonna post your dancing vid? can't wait to watch you dance

    1. True.. but maybe its a snowball effect. Cause people are not coming out, the parents are not getting enough exposure to accept it and because of it less people are coming out..? Just random thoughts. There is a link to my dance vid.. haha just have to find it.. =P

  3. Anon 1 is right, it is so much better being chinese and gay in malaysia.
    it sucks to be muslim and gay in malaysia. if hudud is really being implemented, that's the end of us in malaysia. i hate being a gay muslim in malaysia. i hate being gay malay. i just hate the direction of this country, it is going backwards to 1400 years ago because of majority malays just love love their religion so much that they believe we all will go to hell if we don't impose hudud. god, i hate islam. :-(

  4. the opening contemp choreo is beautiful!! now I wonder which of the guys is you. LOL!

  5. the shorter guy is you, right? from the opening choreo. you sure can dance!

  6. haha yes I'm guilty of not making an effort to talk to you more since Feb.... I guess everyone is just caught up with everything going on in their lives... But I'm happy to see that you're keeping yourself so occupied and making the most of Uni life :) And to be honest, I don't think you've missed much in the blogging world hahaha :P

    The dancing is awesome, and can I say guy at 7:09 is a fine piece of hot stuff hahahaha :P

  7. congrats for the blog anniv leonut. and yes, great dancing you have there.

    keep it up!