Wednesday, 18 June 2014

424 : Saying I love you.

I don't know about others but it's hard to say I love you to someone, especially on a long distance.

I still recall my first serious crush in high school. I was obsessed. The first guy that gave me a second look, I fell head over heels for him. We used to talk on Msn messenger and every night, I would end the conversation with an "I love you" without fail. How that ended was obvious..

First relationship as well. I used to use those three words every chance I got, I don't know if it was me being naive but I felt I needed to let him know every time we ended the a conversation. Was I overusing it? I don't know. We still broke up when he found someone else. Tragic story end, I realise saying I love you made no difference.. Personal feelings don't help keep someone close to you. They'll leave when they find someone better..

Penguin came along after that. Every night without fail, I told him I loved him. For a while he returned those words to me and then he became cold.. Distance didn't help the situation but a simple 'seen' was my reply to my daily reassurance of my feelings. Naive me.. I couldn't see he was telling someone else those exact words. I learned something: just because someone told you they loved you, it could be a lie.

Saying I love you lost its spark for me. It didn't mean anything anymore and it was just mere generic words society overused. Those words became a taboo for me. It was difficult for me to say and I don't know why, I felt uneasy and unsure when I have the urge to say it. That moment I had no one else I could say it to anyways until I met S.

It was awkward.. There was only one moment, I blurted out I love you to him. It changed the whole mood of the conversation. He just said bye and we ended the long distance call. It was embarrassing and uneasy..

Sorry I don't say I love you as much as I am suppose to. I rather just hug and kiss you to show you how much I love you. You are right Puppy, saying I love you is hard for me. My heart starts racing and I feel restless. I don't want to overuse it anymore. Yes, I say it only when I want to. Is that bad? The other days I would assume my actions alone can reassure you that I love you. Action speaks loader than words.

Do you think I would demand your attention if I didn't love you?
Do you think I would stay up till 4am so I can talk to you?

I guess that wasn't enough to keep you happy. I thought you would actually appreciate it more when I say it to you. Instead I get complains.. I'm sorry I can't shower you with "I love you's" every night like how you do.

You made it clear.

"Don't make me laugh."

Saying I love you became a joke to you..

I won't be indecisive anymore, I'll keep my promises to you.

I will NEVER say I love you anymore.
I will NEVER ask for you undivided attention ever again.
I will leave you alone from now on.

When I said I'll go. I'll mean it this time.

I love you's don't mean anything..
Leonut.


8 comments:

  1. Those people don't know to appreciate you... I understand ur feeling.... Me too use to say the word " I love you"..... It is not naive.. It is just we take it seriously....

    Cheer up... :)

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  2. Until you meet someone who worth those 3 words again then.

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  3. Actions speaks louder than words ;). Sometimes there isnt much a need to say it so often. The other party would know how much love you have for him.

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  4. No your words aren't naive. Some people take the feelings of others for granted. Chillax, the right one will stumble by and voila, you never have to hold back those feelings anymore. xoxo

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  5. It can mean diferrent things to different people :)

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  6. Paradoxically (contrary to Tempus's comment) I find it hardest to say the 3 words to someone whom I truly have feelings for. It's almost as if there's a fear that the reply would be less than enthusiastic, and that's when you have more to lose.

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  7. Awwwww..... I love you in a nun sister kind of way haha, I really do! :)

    It's easier to say it in this kind of context, when it isn't involving like a romantic, intense relationship.... And you're right, when you say it too often or every night, then it becomes like a casual, conversation closer thing... Should save it for special moments ;)

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  8. Well don't take it too hard on yourself. You're just going through a rite of passage. The older you get, the more you'll learn to treasure those 3 words, and you'll understand that it's more than just 3 words muttered everyday (which loses its meaning). "I love you" has a far deeper and more meaningful use, and brings so much strength and empowerment to a relationship when used. Take my boyfie and I for example. It took us around 6 months into our relationship before we actually said "I love you" to each other, and even now we don't say it very often. We save it for when we're really in the moment, or completely unexpected, and when we really mean it and there's no other way to express our feelings. It's magical! Don't worry, you'll find love again. Until then, have patience. ~

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