404 : The spotlight

After almost 21 years, I realize something, I never liked to be in the spotlight of people, at least not deliberately. I would never know how to act, smile till my face twitch? or scan around for a spot to stare at?
I remember a few years back when my class sang happy birthday to me I nearly died of awkwardness, I just stared down on the floor the whole time wishing "happy birthday" had 2 verse instead of 4. I can see however, my friends aren't victim to this social awkwardness.

Few days ago during a party we sang happy birthday to a friend, her reaction?
She proceeded to jump off a chair to the middle of the room, did the muscle biceps pose with her thumbs pointing at herself, nodding her head up and down with a 'yeah bitches, its my birthday, sing to me' expression. Freaking, Epic.

On the same party, a group of friends bought gifts for me as a thank you for choreographing and training them for a dance production. Other choreographers cried, some cheered with friends, me?

I hid behind my friend for a clear minute, hugging him so he wouldn't run away, trying my best to get away from that situation where all eyes were on me.. When they actually manage to pry both of us apart, I was surprised with flowers, dancing shoes and a card with thanks. Words cannot describe that feeling! I just wanted to hug them and never let go! I was blushing so much!

Could it be that I have this awkwardness due to the fact that I've never really celebrated my birthday before, maybe twice at most. I seldom get gifts and all as well. I'm still learning..

Speaking of spotlights, on stage however, I LOVE THE SPOTLIGHT! That feeling of 'Yea bitches! All eyes on me!' is one form of spotlight I love! I guess most dancers live for that feeling, the adrenaline rush, that moment where your whole world disappears and all you know is you are on stage, the music and beat is echoing through the whole theater, and your body goes into autopilot when muscle memory kicks in. Pure bliss!

Anyways, after 2 hectic weeks of practices, the performance of the year is over, leaving most of us with post-depression, refreshing the social media every few minutes hoping videos get posted or pictures get uploaded.. Performed shirtless on stage, what a new experience.. =P

Till next time,
Love,
Leonut

344 : Well.. that was awkward..

Malaysians being typical Malaysians,
People usually meet at least 20 mins late..

So when people say meet at 5.30pm means everyone will reach at 6pm or 7pm.

Wanting to avoid the after work jam and SHM concert crowd, I was there before 5pm while the last person at 7pm..

M actually came in time so we meet up in front of the restaurant. After around 20 mins of waiting, we decided to get a place before hand. We turned around, walked into the restaurant and towards the door person of the restaurant. That's when it became really awkward.

M walked up to the door person and asked 'Can i have a table for..'.
Before he could even finish, the enthusiastic girl went "Table for TWO???".

It was so damn awkward that she assumed we were a couple. My god, two guys walking in the restaurant doesn't necessarily mean they are a couple. We both looked at each other and laughed.

"Er.. i love this guy la, but not in that way.. Can we have a table for 8 instead?". The waiter didn't react and just showed us to our table.

Hope she didn't make him uncomfortable.. lol

Awkward.. awkward, awkward..

Potato.

Leonut
M is straight.. 

309 : Why i'm scared.

Well basically, as long as in can remember, i always had a fear of people's boyfriends. I never knew why, or never put much thought into it.

So today, i had the sudden urge to talk to honey bunny, its been weeks since i last talk to him and all. Miss him. But as i wanted to hit send on whatsapp i deleted the message.. then it hit me! i realize the problem and the cause of my fear. Lets have a story telling session.

°◦°◦◦~~~°◦°◦◦o◦◦°◦°~~~◦◦°◦°

Long long time ago.
*water ripples on your constructed imaginary image arriving to a flashback along with harp music*


When i was still a young, naive form 2 little boy, i had a close girl friend, i had many more close friends but we shall focus on this young girl for now.

One day, she got into a relationship with a form 3 guy which was one of the cutest guy in school. Narrow slanty eyed, refined jaw line, charming smile type of guy. That time, i wasn't interested in guys yet so i never bother about him. I still remained close to her. During lunch and break, i often would be talking with her when he had his prefect duties on.

Like every fairy tale in my book, they broke up months after. He told her he had feelings for someone else. She changed after that, who wouldn't? After that we drifted apart.

One day in form 4, 2 years later, a friend of mine told me the real reason they broke up. Apparently i was spending too much time with her, and he was really uncomfortable with that thus the break up. It was a stupid reason of course. What? The dormant whore'mones in me ain't gonna do anything that time..

So yea, in my fairytale, without knowing it, i was the villain. Of course he was a sensitive bitch, at least he could have let me know. I still took it quite badly when i found out.. Felt horrible that i was partially responsible for their break up..

That day on i always had a kinda fear of people's boyfriends.. =/

The end.

°◦°◦◦~~~°◦°◦◦o◦◦°◦°~~~◦◦°◦°

Didn't message honey bunny in the end. I'm sure he is fine and well. As for me, i'm still bumped about some pass events but oh well. Don't know why i became so high after an emo session in the morning. Lols~

Caution on what you do always~
Love,
Leonut!

206 : The awkward gap

First time meeting someone online is always awkward for me.
I never seem to be able to get the conversation rolling no matter what and i always always comes out as me being shallow and unfriendly.

That i am okay with. As i get to know people more i usually redeem myself, earning the title of talkative to most people(time may wary to each individual). But there is one awkward moment that i can never seem to overcome.
I have no idea why but this has been happening to me a lot lately. The moment i met someone online, i would exchange a few words before something would come up, going out for dinner for example, a movie, or grocery shopping, which has all happened before.

Right after I'm back i feel like it would be awkward to continue the conversation. The few words exchanged before hand is insufficient to start a conversation topic, thus killing the chances of a friendship ever sparking.

Its like you are trying to start a fire with spark-rocks, the second you get ember you had to go attend something else and when you get back, the ember has already burned all the dry wood through, leaving you with nothing to burn and no fire!! The horror!

Another awkward moment is when the other party just stops replying.. And you don't know to change the topic or too just let the conversation end..

I shall call it the awkward gap.

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Awkward Gap  adjective  [awk-werd gap] (Leonut's definition)

1. The moment a conversation between two individual is too awkward to be continued by the lack of conversation topics 
2. The prolonged period of time between the first conversation and the follow up conversation that will never be started due to the gap itself.
   

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AWKWARD TURTLE!~

My favourite hand gesture to use. Especially around my friend's parents or when i am a 3rd party to a couple..  lol..

Do you guys experience the awkward gap like i do?..

Love,
LeoNUT

178 : Gay Partner

Whats with straight guys and their love of having a "gay partner"?..
Is it like an award to them?

I'm awfully flattered i've been called their gay partner in a few occasions but it just makes it awkward sometimes..

1. Walking with a gay friend when suddenly a close straight friend "EHHH!~~ MY GAY PARTNER!! WHATSAPP MAN!!!", and comes and hug me. Leaving my friend just staring at me wondering what the hell is happening. My secret relationship that i've kept from everyone? I wish. (Always liked this guy and still do.. haha!)
   
   
2. Infront of my sister, my friend was staying over because it was too late for him to get home. "Eh.. Sleep here with me la.. Then i can gay with you tonight." Really?.. Just awesome. Wonder what was going through my sister's mind that time..
   
   
3. Went to the beach with a society that I've joined. Having my closes college friend there, naturally we were playful, jumping on each other's back and taking pictures together. The whole trip was fun! Playing at the beach with new friends and a few old friends.
   It was till after the trip.. 2 girls came up to me in separate occasions and asked "Are you two together?.."
   HECK NO!!
   Then when i told a girl senior that i was close to, she went "Omg! I thought the same thing too! I asked XX and XX about it!". 
   Whats the best part is the guy goes "Yea la, leo my gay partner mah, right leo??"
   
   

As much as i want someone in my life right now, guess i need to be more patient. The most unexpected friend gave me hope and really brighten up my day. So my boyfriend. I know you are out there waiting for me waiting for you while you wait for me to find you and you find me.

Brighton Beach!

 

Lots of love always,
Leo

121 : Awkward Moment..

The awkward moment of sculpting the breast of women figure out of clay, with your mum right next to you..

Bloody awkward!!

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Recently i have been going for clay sculpting classes. It really occupies my time and i always had an interest in art. So, did the general body figure, hands, legs, thigh of a woman figure. It looked all good. Till it was time to add the breast...

"How big you want the breast to be?? Big??", my teacher asked me while holding a big lump of clay. How am i suppose to answer that? "Normal laa..." I replied.

Then i realize.. I have no idea how woman's breast properly look like! Sculpting randomly trying to figure out how a boobs suppose to look like while my mum was sitting next to me the whole time!!(She was taking classes too!) I had to face questions like:

"Eh.. Why so big one?"
"Drooping already la your boobs!!"

So paiseh!! At the end, my sculpted boobs were out of proportion and the position was out.. ><

The curse of being born this way.. We dont see many boobs..  I have no interest what so ever on how boobs look and how big/small they are.. If you ask me to sculpt a penis.. I can sculpt one for you!! Foreskin? Size? Erected? Veins?? Seen many enough to sculpt the perfect one.. haha!!

Hope i can finish the figure as soon as possible!
Till next time,
Lots of love,
CK


P.s. No... Im not going to sculpt penises for random people.. lol