Sunday, 8 January 2012

135 : Rants


 Im just going to type of anything okay?..
Dont hold is against me.. its just my thoughts and feelings..

I feel so frustrated with myself..
Restlessness and Boredom often occupy most of my day
I just feel so annoyed..

This guy..
I cant read him at all!!
He makes me freaking confuse!!
He tells me he likes me.. He made my first day of new year feel like a fairy tale..
But when he is online on facebook..
He never pm's me..
He never sms's me..
I mean if you like someone wouldnt you be talking non stop on facebook and stuff?..

I like him too..
And everyday i wait for him to pm me.. but he never happens..
He replies are slow too for smses and pm's when i pm him..
Adding the fact he had a few ex's before me that some of my friends labelled him as dangerous..
A sweet talker and he knows he is hot and alot of people likes him..

I feel like i am one of the few people that he keeps hanging on just for attention..
Maybe he just likes me giving him attention?..
Maybe he replies me slowly because he is talking to other guys?..
I am so confuse!!!
I might be just thinking too much..

I miss him hanging out with him..

My friend is calling me desperate..
I always denied it but talking to my friend minutes ago just made me realize alot of things..
Im bloody desperate i guess..
Im desperate for someone to fill the emptiness i am feeling..
It is such a horrible feeling..

I hate my ex..
I farking hate him for what he did to me..
He created a hole in my heart and left it there..
A hole that was always filled..
Im desperately trying to fill it..
But i am scared..
Terrified of what people might do to me..
I cant afford to be hurt again..
I really cant..

I hate this feeling..
I hate this feeling of not being able to control myself..
I want to be in control.. I need to be in control..
Of my emotions.. of my thoughts.. of my actions..

I feel like just talking to someone..
To tell that person literally everything..

God i sound like such an attention whore..
I just..
Dont know what to do...



  1. lol.. you dont have to ask permission in your blog to write what you want.. just write it la.. lol

    desperate or not youre only human, and humans have desires and stuffs..

    maybe he is not the message and sms type.. maybe he is busy? maybe he is just fooling around and youre one of his spare tyres..??

    anyway.. you have your own value.. its not like he is the only one out there.. yes he might be the only one for now but in future you will have tons of gays surrounding you TRUST ME.. you dont have to rush...

    those who are experienced can sweet talk you into anything.. he can make you want him so badly and if anything goes wrong he can make you feel like its your fault totally..

    aiyor.. cannot afford to be hurt again??!?!? then you can go die now because you will surely get hurt somehow in the process in a relationship in the future.. no such thing as wont get hurt.. you just learn from it la..

    so what if your ex hurt you.. !?!?! see the fact that you realize that there's a hole in your heart etc means you realize about the whole situation. youre lucky. some people dont get it. they just get stuck in that situation. you on the other hand can do something about it.

    dont keep thinking of your ex!! just imagine, whenever youre thinking of him, is he thinking of you!?!?! NO!! he doesnt give a shit.. so why waste your time on him?!?!!? MOVE ON!!

    yea.. its easier said than done.. and only you yourself can decide what you want to do.. its your life anyway.. i can write a karangan telling you what to do but in the end if you dont move a muscle, no one can..

    so CK, snap out of it!!! its a new year! be happy! go take rm500 go buy something nice to wear and eat something good and just have fun..

    chest out and be proud!!


  2. CK you can go and hate your ex, but you should dear yourself and your life and value your time. And tuls is right about the guy, maybe he's not the sms/pm type, or maybe he's into someone else, maybe he's busy, the "maybe" is endless. so what if he doesnt reply, go out there wear something nice, do your hair and let other guys checking you out, you never know one of them might be the one.

  3. Don't let others determine ur life, it won't last long. And, take tuls's advice, thinks it's for the best


  4. I can relate to the post above, and am putting that behind.

    Trust me, if the guy didn't put in the effort that you want from him, then he is not the one.

    Don't think about him too much ok.

  5. I think you will be able to judge for yourself if that guy is a player.

    If he doesn't sms or pm you first, then maybe you can initiate it. Over time, you should be able to tell just how invested he is in you based on his responses.

  6. To tuls, Thank you so much tuls! You really helped me.. Made me start thinking in a different way. =DDD

    To Kay, *hugs*

    To malimo, exactly!! The Maybe's are running around in my mind and playing games with me.. Will do, Im sexy and i know it! haha!

    To soul, thanks! :)

    To ooi, apa la.. haha rants are rants..

    To Jason, =DD

    To Chen Xing, how can i dont think about him when he sms me and ask me out again.. ><!!

    To Jboy, Hm.. never thought about it that way.. Thanks for the advice! =D

  7. This doesn't make you an attention whore nor desperate. This makes you human. But, don't be with someone just because you want to fill that void. When someone leaves you, it's supposed to hurt. But what makes you a stronger person would be to get over him and move on.

    This guy might be a player. But he might also be afraid to let someone in just like you are. We never know. But from what you've said, he should make SOME effort in texting and IM-ing if he's interested.

    Moving on is never easy. It hurts. And it takes time. But I'm sure you have awesome friends who'd be with you no matter what. If not, you still have all these awesome bloggers who have left lengthy comments of really good advice. So, be strong. And take baby steps in moving on. I'm sure you can do it. *hugs*

  8. it's ok to pour out CK.

    I guess to find the right one takes time. To form a relationship also takes time. And many times, to move on from where we currently are also takes time...the "what-ifs", the waiting, the hope we had but was never there in the first place - really frustrating. But in the end, all good things takes time. Cheer up :)