Tuesday, 16 July 2013

391 : Phone Buzzed.

Cleaning up after breakfast, the familiar sensation of a vibrating phone in my pocket triggered a reflex to check my phone immediately.

"SMS results"

The worst and best thing that University has came up with, its like saying you WILL see the message if you wanna use your phone. Catching their victims unexpectedly, saving them the killer suspense of logging in to check their results. First time I actually signed up for the service and just as I guessed, I failed.

I failed one paper, which just throws every plan of university back one step or rather adding one more semester depending how you see it. Most people say time is precious and everyone should graduate as soon as possible to get a head start in life but to me failing one subject means incurring a shit load of unnecessary cost on my parents' financial plan to push my siblings and I through University. The few hundred i earn each week doing part-time is just a speck compared to the school fees and rent.

Mum called me when I messaged her the news. Hearing her voice telling me it's okay just made me break down and cry. I've disappointed her and my dad. BIG FUCKING TIME. She kept telling me she is proud of me already but it just sucks.. Sending your kids overseas is never easy.. I feel like such a failure to them..

Dumb bitch crying at a corner table of a unlighted restaurant? Yup that's me.

Had to work full day today, 10.30am to 11pm with only 2 hours break in between, I felt so tired and restless, and with the new cocky trainees around, annoyed. Realize how tired I was when my manager came up to me and asked me if I was gay, I just replied "yes" without hesitant, thanks to the little slip up few days ago. Only when I got home 2 hours ago it hit me how careless and stupid I am to actually out to someone that is known to be 2 faced and backstabs if needed. Yea.. The work place gay community ain't gonna be happy about that, gonna put them all in danger..

Had fried noodles and nasi lemak for supper today.. Self reward to fell better.. Gonna get ice cream later maybe.. Nasi lemak literally fat rice.. lol?..

Better go see a course adviser for my next action. First time failing, with a free "feel like fuck" at the bottom of every result slip..

Gonna just have a nice long wank and sleep.


  1. feel like i wanna hug you. hope you're doing better.

  2. Don't feel too sad..... Your parent understand u... As long u do ur best... Next time do ur best and pass it..

  3. Just pick yourself up, and you'll overcome this.