141 : Woke up.

Today i woke up with a heavy heart..
A feeling i can't describe..
My blog is becoming emotional again..

I'm steering up a heart break..
Each day i spend with him just depends the feeling..
I told myself,
Just enjoy the remaining time i have left here,
Don't take things seriously, just have fun..

I should have known.
I'm suppose to already be familiar how my emotions work..

Time hit me again..
I got less then 25 days left..
Im tearing up..
I'm missing him so much and i cant do anything about it..

What will my next move be?...
Staying away from him seems like the best idea now..

"Can give me a kiss?"..
I did..

Leo

94 : ...

I had no idea where i was, it was such a foreign place..
Like an abandon urban jungle, vines were growing everywhere, but, it was full of life..
There were people everywhere, like an urban retreat, lifestyle there was luxurious, a hotel maybe?
Suddenly, i realize i was climbing multiple flights of hanging stairs..
It was towards your direction, i could feel it in my bones! I knew where you where!
There it was! That door!!
I open the door and entered the room to see you waiting for me on one of the three white single sofas in the room.. You look towards me and your warm smile greeted me.
I hug you tightly, gently kiss you on the cheek...
...
...
...
...
*Bzzzzzz* *Bzzzzzz*
My alarm rang.. a dream..
_______________________________________________

I woke up, got dressed and it was off to college!
There you were with R studying on the exact table as you were yesterday.
As i walked up to your table filled with books and notes,
I could see you were studying very hard, i felt so proud!
But then a sudden cloud of sadness covered me..

Seem like now-a-days the only time i spent with you, you are studying..
I don't dare interrupt you..
I know this exam is very very important and i sound so selfish saying this.. but..
I miss spending time with you.. When your attention was directed only to me..
I feel neglected.. I dont get much of your time anymore..

There is nothing we can do about this.. An exam is an exam, the date is set, pulling you away to spend time with me would be inappropriate..
After a dream where we spend countless hours together, i guess i was just bumped waking up to the reality constricted by time..

I'll wait for you till the 22nd..

Your teddy bear,
Ck..

89 : Time..

Was actually blogging about something else today then something happened..
Was talking to a few friends today then jokingly i talk about 2012.
My friend's replied just crushed me..
"If the world is going to end, why you go Aussie for?? Stay here with KL la.."
I started crying..
I still don't know what i am going to do.. How Im preparing to brace myself for it.. How will i react on that day..
I just really scared...

Im just so retarded.. only a few post back i blogged about never wanting to see people break down from long distance relationship and here i am going to experience it soon..

I really dont want time to run..
I want time to stop while im hugging you..
when im with you..
but the clock is still ticking..
Second by second...
Time is running..
Merciless..

28: Time to move on.

The feeling for the guy i kinda liked just died today.
The happy feeling when i see him, the warmth i feel when we hug, gone.
Each time he called me gay, i die a little inside.
The feeling died.
Something hit me today and made me realize i'm wasting my time,
wasting my time going for clubs when i do nothing there,
wasting my time trying to spend time with him.
Maybe i was living a lie for the pass few months,
having a so called "bromance" relationship to fill the empty space in my heart.
The feeling is gone now.
Time to move on.
______________________________________________________________

Received a reply from my first love,
The first exchange of text after 2 years.
I used to get so nervous when opening his e-mails.
Not this time. Guess i am over him.
But i do have a feeling of regret, trying to contact him and all.
The relationship ended for a reason.
Shouldn't have look back,
Time to move on.

Love,
Klex