110 : Last time

This shall be my last time I'm going to blog about emotional stuff..

Yes, i have not yet go.. Dreams just draw my heart closer to him, the body contact, the warmth.. everything just seems so real..
I wake up tearing..
I really really miss him.. secretly i wish the feeling is mutual..
I still do wonder if i did something wrong.. To have made his feelings towards me deplete so quickly..
Seeing him with R everyday just hurts more..
Even when i was with him, R was always there with us..
R likes KL.. He actually told me before my break up which makes everything more painful..

I need to let go..

I cant take it any longer, thought that we were stronger, all we do is linger, slipping through my fingers, I don't want to try now, all that's left is goodbye to find a way to tell you, i hate this part right here.. I'm sure you never mean to hurt me, but i never thought we fall out of place. I wish you never looked at me that way. I'm still alive but I'm barely breathing, when a heart breaks it don't break even. What am i suppose to say when I'm all choked up and you are okay, I'm falling to pieces.. Dear.. If i lay here, if i just lay here, would you lie with my and just forget the world? Forget what we are told, before we get too old, show me garden that is bursting full of life.. Never mind, i'll find someone like you... I wish nothing best for you too. Don't forget me, i think I'll remember you said, sometimes it last in love sometimes it hurts instead. In another life, I'll be your guy, we'll keep full our promises, it'll be us against the world. In another life, i would make you stay, so i don't have to say you are the one that got away. I hope you see right through my walls, i hope that you'll catch me because I'm already falling, you put your arms around me and I'm home.. Honestly, if you ask me, how I'm doing, I'll say I'm doing just fine, i'll lie and say that you aren't on my mind.. I still love you...

The soundtracks of my days...
I'll need time..
I'll recover..
Till then..
F.L.Y.

Ck..

105 : I am hopeless

Yes, im extremely hopeless.
You create this barrier in your mind, telling you stop, telling you that you have been hurt, stay away, let things be, forget, let go..
Fortify your barrier, strengthen with steel, drill with nails and build with bricks..
Swear a bit.. Scream a bit..
Im ready.. I wont feel a thing.. Im strong..

Then i see you...
Cracks appear in the barrier, everything comes crashing down, into pieces...
Every single advice that people told me just vanish..
I feel like crying.. i miss you..
I really really do..
I miss your voice...
I wanted to talk to you..

People keep tell me don't let you get the satisfaction of having someone clinging on to you..
But..
I really dont know what im feeling..
You probably dont care..
I doubt you still read my blog..

After my exam i wanted to look for you..
But i dint had the guts.. Then i did something stupid...

Im hopeless..
Ck...

94 : ...

I had no idea where i was, it was such a foreign place..
Like an abandon urban jungle, vines were growing everywhere, but, it was full of life..
There were people everywhere, like an urban retreat, lifestyle there was luxurious, a hotel maybe?
Suddenly, i realize i was climbing multiple flights of hanging stairs..
It was towards your direction, i could feel it in my bones! I knew where you where!
There it was! That door!!
I open the door and entered the room to see you waiting for me on one of the three white single sofas in the room.. You look towards me and your warm smile greeted me.
I hug you tightly, gently kiss you on the cheek...
...
...
...
...
*Bzzzzzz* *Bzzzzzz*
My alarm rang.. a dream..
_______________________________________________

I woke up, got dressed and it was off to college!
There you were with R studying on the exact table as you were yesterday.
As i walked up to your table filled with books and notes,
I could see you were studying very hard, i felt so proud!
But then a sudden cloud of sadness covered me..

Seem like now-a-days the only time i spent with you, you are studying..
I don't dare interrupt you..
I know this exam is very very important and i sound so selfish saying this.. but..
I miss spending time with you.. When your attention was directed only to me..
I feel neglected.. I dont get much of your time anymore..

There is nothing we can do about this.. An exam is an exam, the date is set, pulling you away to spend time with me would be inappropriate..
After a dream where we spend countless hours together, i guess i was just bumped waking up to the reality constricted by time..

I'll wait for you till the 22nd..

Your teddy bear,
Ck..

90 : Tease!!

KL was such a tease!!
Was waiting for him in the morning today, he was running late so i sat in the lounge...
Few minutes later, i felt a presence, i looked up, OMFG!~ He was in formal wear!!
I have a formal wear fetish you see.. as of many people, and he knows too.
He looked oh so very sexy!!

KL: "You very turned on now ah??"
CK: "Yes..."

Was very very turned on indeed..
Could have raped him..
Too bad he had exams to study for and i had class..
Hahaha, i love his presence!


Love,
Ck
Dear.. You are such a tease.. haha ♥

87 : Cake

Have anyone heard of RT Pastry Hse?
Its a small bakery in a row of SS15 bakery shops.
They sell one of the most wonderful tasting bread and cakes that i've ever eaten!!
Today, i bought a cake with the cutes strawberries coated with powder sugar to share with my dear, KL, as he shall hence-forth be known as.

He came late!!~ The bloody hot weather killed the cake, no cake taste good when warm.. :(

So anyways, ate the cake together, yedah yedah.. and then!~

Ck : "Eh dear, i want to go to the toilet, want to follow me?"
KL: "Hm?.."
Ck: "Come come~"
KL: "Okay!"

We went to the cafeteria's toilet. Its clean, dry and odourless btw, not some crappy public toilet thing .. The best part is there is a a stall that is extra big, haha putting ma plan into action!!
As we entered the toilet, there were 2 other guys in the toilet, so while waiting for them to leave i proceeded to "wash my hands", KL proceeded and went into a stall. "He doesnt suspect a thing!!" I thought to myself, "The second they leave i shall pull him into the stall!!". And then it happened, they left! "Time to make my move.." Just that moment, another guy came in to used the loo. "DAMN!!" I think i wasted a good litter or 2 pretending to wash my hands..

Eventually, he left. Guess who pulled who into the stall?.. lol, the more experienced one becomes the predator.. i fell prey.. XD. Guess he saw through me plot long ago.. lol, The door locked and i gave him the warmest hugged ever!

Thought out the whole thing he was so cute!! He was so scared that people heard us, the slightest sound and he panicked!! haha, the more he panicked the more i wanted to make a sound!! XD The whole thing proceeded with neck kisses, a little groping, little nipple play, non stop hugging and  my first kiss! (I am that "pure".. lol).

Dear ah.. sorry i was so sucky at kissing la.. i dunno how to kiss that well... lol, give me lessons can anot? XD

MA FIRST KISS WENT A LITTLE LIKE THIS, *MUACKS* and TWIST!~ TWIST TWIST TWIST TWIST~ LOL

Love,
CK
 ♥ F.L.Y To The SKY~

86 : Found a place...

(Walking up the stairs, already late for class)
Ck: (Playfully) Eh dear, you know over there is like the perfect make out spot?
K : Where?
Ck: There.. behind the library there, nobody goes there de. >.<
K : Really meh?
(Looks around for a while)
K : Really wor..
Ck: (HUGSSS!!) Love you dear!

Such a waste i was late for class, all i got was a peck on the lips. Ahahaha, till next time~ :3

Love,
Ck

84 : Oops

He grabbed a pen and scribbled 4 letters on the back of my hand.
"Alex"?  I thought to myself as i tried to make out what he had written..
Then it hit me..
"OMG!! IT SAID KLEX, he found my blog, dieeeeeeee"
I was so embarrassed, i was practically speechless...  Oops?

So now my dear has found my blog.. lol.. Now must be careful to what extend of detail i can blog about.. haha

Besides the unconscious blushing, the rest of the day went well. :)
Snowflake, then to the bank...  lol.

Love you dear, *MUACKS*
CK

83 : PDA

PDA: Public Display Of Affection

Im sure this post is considered a lag for almost everyone out there ,but hey, im new to this.
I wonder how long would it be before we can properly hold hands in public or something in Malaysia.
Its quite frustrating to see straight couples, holding hands, giving a peck or cuddling in public and no one says anything.
Just walk close to another guy and people talk. Words spread like wild fire and for all you know you will be a target for bullies.
For now, its only holding hands and little massage under the table.. haha.

Love you dear.
Ck (Klex)

82 : Attached

Hm.. how do i start this..
I'm attached, that is undeniable...
I really love him dearly.. but..
I have this deep feeling that it wont work..
Am i horrible for having this feeling?
I really don't know why im feeling this..
Im just confused...

3 days after we first met, we got together.. Today is our weekersary i suppose?
Is the relationship too rush?... Is there such thing??
I realize when thinking what to buy for him as a birthday present that i dont know alot about him and I'm positive its a mutual thing.

Today he applied to go to Australia for a uni choice just because I'm going to Australia next year.
My pessimistic thinking just kicked in.. What if we break up? I already told him i don't want to be a factor influencing his uni choice but he said he wanted to.

GAH!! I just lost the purpose of this post..

Love you dear..

81 : Happy Birthday!

Lady Gaga CD, painfully wrapped. Lol

Happy Birthday Dear!!
I feel bad that we havent been able to build anything sentimental for me to get you something really personal, its only been one week only. >.<
Anyways, despite what happened in the morning, i hope you can have a wonderful birthday!
See you tomorrow dear!!
Love you!!

Love,
Ckay

80 : The Story

"Lets play hide and seek!", he said to me as we agreed to have lunch together the next day.
"Let's see how long it takes for u to catch me!", he playfully teased me. At that moment, i fell for him a little as he was so cutely childish.  That night i went to sleep with full curiosity and excitement.

The next day, i sat for an exam and at 10 i was free!

11am.  I look at my watch and silently mumbled to myself, "And so the hunt begins.." with a grind on my face. I started scouting the area for him, walking up and down the stair, passing block to block. 10 mins later, he was still no where in sight. At the point of almost giving up i found him. Stupid boy was having consultation and dint tell me! 

We went to a western restaurant nearby. Ate and chat, covering almost every topic a typical gay would cover, i shall cut the details.. but generally, I had so much fun!! About 2 hours in, we were ask if we could leave due to the lack of available tables. So we proceeded to popping my tutti fruitti virginity! haha, another hour of chit chat in tutti fruitti and he had to go. We walked back to the main campus, gave him a hug and i left. <3

Yea, i cut many details but that was the general "date"?.
Haha, the relationship is.. progressing?..
Really not sure what my next step will be.. I'm leaving to Australia next year and all.. :(

Dilemma,
Klex