395 : Guilty.

 "For a relationship to last, the love between both individuals should not be 50/50

 but rather 60/40. 

Both individuals should believe their love for each other is less

 and 

strive to make up for it. "

I stumble upon this little quote (or at least what i remembered of it) a while ago and it has been stuck in my mind ever since.

60/40?

I'm guilty of not even reaching 50% yet alone 60%. Is distance a factor or an excuse?..
I just feel so terrible towards Puppy.. The days I made him cry when i'm cold towards him.
Every single day I wake up i would see a good morning message with a smiley face from him, and the days i oversleep or have something on, he would buzz me or call me to make sure i wake up. Every moment of the day he is there for me, and cares for me. How do i repay him?

Being a bitch so often. I honestly don't mean to be cold to him but sometimes i just don't feel like talking, like everything in my life is wrong and want to just shut off.. I am guilty of not making him feel loved every moment of the day.. He does so much for me and I feel like i don't do anything for him.. Why am I so passive in this relationship..

Simple thing as replying messages as well. He replies almost immediately and I take ages..

Ish.. I'm actually writing a post about how i'm a an awful person. Nothing more attractive than a self loathing person eh?

Better change before puppy walks out on me..
I'm lucky to have him... 

394 : Random

Don't know if its just my imagination or something..
But.

After so many washes, puppy's shirt that he gave me still smells of him.
Some weird ass scent puppy has that sticks to things like glue.
Even after I cuddle with him I would actually smell of him for a while.

Puppy oh puppy.
Wearing his shirt does make me miss you more..

Heh.
5 more months till I can see him again.

Less than three.
Leonut

393 : Here is your drink.

L    : Excuse me madam, sorry for the wait, here is your drink.
M   : Thank you.
HB : Excuse me?? WHERE IS MY DRINK??
L    : Sorry?
HB : I ordered a drink and its not here yet.
L    : Sorry, i'm check with the kitchen.
HB : I want it now!!!
L    : Okay.

Getting scolded during work for something that was totally not being my fault? Not the first time and I'm quite used to it.

Getting scolded by a female drag queen? *Check off list to do before I die.*

Ended up giving my manager the drink to serve to Mrs. Head Bitch.

Obviously the prettiest one is the head bitch. Anyways, regulars at my work place, about a group of 4 usually. Most of us can agree, they are all freaking hot!! (except for one..). Always dress well with a full set of make up and accessories. I can say they are one of the nicest people that comes in. Since all 4 of them are Malay, they always order in malay too.. Once two of them came in and I actually thought one of them was freaking hot until she opened her mouth. Never the less, she still caught the attention of the whole staff. Saw that HB has a hot aussie boy friend that came to pick her up after dinner too..

Speaking of drags.

Actually got sucked into the drag world. Seriously fascinating i would say. The way they do their make up and all. I myself have no interest to drag but seeing famous drags just blows my mind. Been watching RuPaul's Drag Race and I recommend any open-minded, drag loving, bored with their one month break person to watch!

Sashay Shante!
Sashay you stay, now Shante away. 

Watching weird stuff online.
Leonut

392 : Awkward friendly conversation with a Stranger.

Was wiping the walls when I heard a knock on the door.
Naturally I unlocked and answered the door, only to see a young woman standing at the other side.
A young local Australian around mid 20's, brunet hair styled in a suicide roll, spotting in a black short dress.
Was pretty decent and sweet looking if you ask me.

Sorry, I'm cleaning up here, would you mind using the disabled toilet? (Yes.. I was cleaning toilets, poor boy gotta earn a living too!)

Sorry to interrupt..  Someone is in the disabled toilet.. I really just want to use a mirror, can i come in?

Yea sure, i guess so. 

*Walks in*

Stupid job, they actually want us the hand wipe the walls with paper towels..
Sorry if its awkward or uncomfortable with a guy in the female toilet while you are in here.. 

Hahaha, its okay. You know whats awkward? Coming here with my ex. *Putting on lipstick*

What?? Your ex?? 

Yea. That's why I gotta make him jealous! How do i look?? *Stands and pose for me*

Err.. You look awesome to me!

Really? Do you think my hair needs a little here and there? *Playing around with her hair*

Nah, you look prefect already.

Okay, what about this? Should i drape my hair on both sides? or only one side?

Hmm.. Show me again?

*Both sides*, *One side*

Definitely one side. 

Yea, thought so too. Okays, wish me luck! Time to make my ex jealous!

Hahahaha, good luck!! 

When I was actually done and walked out, I saw her sitting there all poise and elegant looking.
Girl knows what she wants!

Anyways, quick update to keep a memory.
Kinda funny how random events and strangers can just brighten up a boring day.

Awkward friendly conversations with a girl in the female toilet. I'm getting gayer by the day.. lol

Leonut

391 : Phone Buzzed.

Cleaning up after breakfast, the familiar sensation of a vibrating phone in my pocket triggered a reflex to check my phone immediately.

"SMS results"

The worst and best thing that University has came up with, its like saying you WILL see the message if you wanna use your phone. Catching their victims unexpectedly, saving them the killer suspense of logging in to check their results. First time I actually signed up for the service and just as I guessed, I failed.

I failed one paper, which just throws every plan of university back one step or rather adding one more semester depending how you see it. Most people say time is precious and everyone should graduate as soon as possible to get a head start in life but to me failing one subject means incurring a shit load of unnecessary cost on my parents' financial plan to push my siblings and I through University. The few hundred i earn each week doing part-time is just a speck compared to the school fees and rent.

Mum called me when I messaged her the news. Hearing her voice telling me it's okay just made me break down and cry. I've disappointed her and my dad. BIG FUCKING TIME. She kept telling me she is proud of me already but it just sucks.. Sending your kids overseas is never easy.. I feel like such a failure to them..

Dumb bitch crying at a corner table of a unlighted restaurant? Yup that's me.

Had to work full day today, 10.30am to 11pm with only 2 hours break in between, I felt so tired and restless, and with the new cocky trainees around, annoyed. Realize how tired I was when my manager came up to me and asked me if I was gay, I just replied "yes" without hesitant, thanks to the little slip up few days ago. Only when I got home 2 hours ago it hit me how careless and stupid I am to actually out to someone that is known to be 2 faced and backstabs if needed. Yea.. The work place gay community ain't gonna be happy about that, gonna put them all in danger..

Had fried noodles and nasi lemak for supper today.. Self reward to fell better.. Gonna get ice cream later maybe.. Nasi lemak literally fat rice.. lol?..

Better go see a course adviser for my next action. First time failing, with a free "feel like fuck" at the bottom of every result slip..

Gonna just have a nice long wank and sleep.
Nights,
Leonut

390 : One factor why gay relationships don't last.

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389 : Out by stupidity.

*Walking to work

Baby, did you see my relationship request?? =3
Yea, I saw it. Why so random? Thought you don't want to change?
Its okay, Announce it to the world!
Err.. Okay.. if you say so.. *Clicks accept*
Awesome!!

Clocked in for work, was about to off my phone and I started getting messages of congratulations and how proud they are that I'm coming out of the closet. 

OMG!! Puppy!! WHAT HAVE WE DONE?? People are messaging me and congratulating me!
WHAT??? It's not private??
Mine wasn't..
I was only joking! I thought yours was too!
Oh shit, puppy, you better fix it, I'm already at work. Go log in and fix it!
I'm in class!

*Tries logging into facebook, Facebook : Your account has been locked, please log in using safari*
O.o...

Puppy.. we are so dead.. 

I was panicking so bad, I actually spilled tea all over my favourite pair of pants and my pants are now stained. Only about 20 minutes later Puppy told me he got everything under control and I offed my phone for work.

Only after work I logged into Facebook to see this and many private messages.
Kinda nice to see how accepting people you don't expect to be are.

Apparently puppy ran to the library just to change it. <3

To the first comment and others that commented, thank you! Except for tuls.. Apa berpuasa ni! lol!

To most people that ask why am I scared to come out, Its not exactly a "scared" issue, but its rather there are people out there that i don't want them to know (Eg. Cousins, Aunts, close minded people) that can use that information against me.. lol..

Actually fell sick working almost everyday due to the under-staff problem since its winter break.
Sleeping till 2pm never felt so good in ages. Better get well before my next shift..

Leonut

Ps. What the hell are so many people doing up at 8am Malaysian time?? Seriously don't even know who saw it and who didn't..