205 : Love

When you break someone's heart often enough or hard enough,
they just fall apart.

They lose confidence in themselves,
Wondering is it them who is the problem one,
The one that caused a sweet moment to break apart,
The one that made their beloved lose every feeling and memory towards them just like that.
They start to wonder is it their personality, making them distance themselves from others.
They wonder is it their looks, looking into the mirror and just sighing.
Their body? Their way of expressing love?
Or just them as a whole that repulse their once beloved..

The doubt builds as they look back into their memories.
"I love the way you dance".
Simple compliment he gave that once made their day for example.
Was he lying when he said that?..
He must have been lying. He wanted to protect my feelings.
I suck at dancing.
The doubt grows and runs around their brains..
And soon they just stop..

They never fall in love as deeply as they did..
First relationships are the ones that they fall the deepest for.
When it happens a second time, a form of fear builds within them.
As the fear accumulates they loose the feeling of love towards anyone.
To them love is just "waiting to break up".
Soon they go out looking for people,
Anyone willing to hug them or kiss them...

"Love are like the night stars for some relationships, at one point, uncountable. Then morning comes and every glowing star just fades away.."

-Leonut

204: Bersih 3.0

Anyone went for Bersih3.0?
If you did i hope you were safe during the whole event.
It was tragic hearing about the 3 deaths that occurred during the rally.

I went for the Melbourne's Bersih3.0 yesterday.
The rally was really peaceful and controlled.
With different speakers briefing about the unfair electoral procedures currently present,
It really got everyone's spirits high, signs and banners displayed and flags waving everywhere.

Wearing a bersih shirt and holding a Malaysian flag, i never felt more patriotic.
Though i know attending the rally would not make a big difference but i hope the 85 cities around the world together would create enough pressure on the Malaysian Government to make a change.
Logging to facebook and it was just filled with yellow! It was really nice seeing pictures of friends in different parts of the world also participating in event in their respective cities.

Hopefully next year we would not have a Bersih4.0?
I would really like to participate in the Bersih in Malaysia although i know chances of my parents getting a heart attack(touchwood) and calling every 5 min would most likely occur but heh. I would be a great experience.

Stay Safe everyone!

"Hidup Hidup! Hidup Bersih!"

Leonut.

203 : Okay.

I am not okay. I say i am each time people ask is because i don't like it when people tell me what to do. The crucial moment when i hit my rock bottom, i had so many people come tell me how to feel and what i am suppose to do. I can't even get my thoughts clear and I have people just shoving thoughts on how i am suppose to be. When i tell people i am doing good they go "Sure anot?", "Don't lie". If i already told you i am okay it mean I don't want to talk about it. Don't insist your opinion and thoughts on me.
Dont get me wrong. There are alot of people that helped and i Am seriously grateful me but there are some people who just decided that they are supreme, sitting on their pedestal and making me feel worst.

People keep saying you will feel better as time goes by, time heals everything..
but mine is just getting worst..
The thoughts and maturity that held myself together for almost a month just seems like its breaking down, slowly shattering exposing me to everything i refused to face in the past. It sucks and its actually affecting my daily routine.. I got nudge by my friend few days ago while doing my assignment.. I just paused there for 10 minutes, sighing once in a while with a blank look on my face..

I really want to feel better but i just cant bring myself to find my path of happiness..
I feel like i am in a maze lost and desperately trying to find my way out..

I don't want to feel like this..
I don't like being depressed..

I want to feel Okay.
To smile again..            :)

202 : Cravings..

Been having so much of cravings for sweet foods lately..

Yesterday itself i ate a cookie, a sugar glaze donut and and a nutella sandwich..
All within an hour after dinner...

I really did not realize i was eating so much until my sister pointed it out to me when i almost ate the chocolate chip muffin left over from yesterday's breakfast.

"Why are you eating so much of sugar? Something wrong with you isit?.."

Went searching for food cravings and their meanings..
Found my friend's picture he posted a while back..

Hm?..

Leo
nut..

201 : Friend vs Results

"I dont care about Dan, he is going to Adelaide to chance after this STUPID girl. I am not going to let his stupid decisions ruin our chances of getting a good score.  I seriously have no idea what is going through his mind. I don't know how we are going to break it to him but we are going to do it tomorrow!"

So much for friendship.

Got a call from an assignment group mate last night. She, Dan and I was suppose to be in a group together seeing how we 3 were supposedly "close". You know the moment the tutor says 'in a group of 3 to 5' you will naturally think that you would group together with your closes friends in your class? Well, this bitch doesn't get that.
She was nice and all but seriously?
Kicking him out of the group just like that because you want good marks?
If he was going for like a month i would understand but its less then a week and the assignment is due in 2 weeks and the questions are damn easy!

The second the assignment was announced she became such a control freak its quite scary..
It would be a matter of time she kicks me out the group...

LOL!~

Leo Nut!

200 : Attraction First or Second?

The first basis of a relationship is attraction?
Agree or Disagree?

A friend of mine talked to me about her problems recently.
A friend of hers started showing signs of wanting to get together with her, they have been close friends for almost a year and she has never thought of him in a relationship way. He is a really nice guy, someone that even i know will take care of her but she has no physical attraction towards him. If he really pop the question to her, she really doesn't know what to do.

Would you say yes or no to him if you were her?
Knowing you have no attraction towards him and the risk of jeopardizing the close friend relationship is just right there if it doesn't work out.

A few people said that attraction is not everything but isn't it important to spark the relationship?
I really hope she can find the right choice..

Love,
Leo

199 : A pattern!

Well.. Almost a pattern.

Usual lazy afternoon where i just slack of the whole day.
It was raining outside, the foggy scenery and strums of lightning and thunder just serenades me to my bed for an afternoon nap along with raindrops on my window.

Threw my blanket open and wrapped it tightly around my body to protect me from the cold.
A grabbed and hug ducky, snugging my nose into him and taking in his familiar smell..
Then suddenly,
The imagine of KL popped into my mind.
I literally stopped and went "what the fark?..."

I realize or rather remembered i bought my ducky right after my broke up..

Then i looked to my side and saw my shark..
Oh god.. the timing is about right..

I BUY SOFT TOYS WHEN I AM HEARTBROKEN!!

As much as i love them..
I guess they represent a hard time i have been through..
The toys better not pile up..

Anyways, i don't believe i have introduced shark to your guys.
His name was "Jie".. But its just shark now..

Bought him on a sales for 12.80AUD. So about Rm42?
Cute fluffy thing that is just so hugable!! Didn't get a bag when i bought him so i had to carry him around the "Gardens Mall" of Melbourne holding him by his tail, walking into shops like Coach with all the stares.. 

TADDAA!!! Super fluffy sharky!

Hugging him to sleep along with my duck every night
This better not become a habit of buying soft toys..

Love,
Leo