Wednesday, 25 April 2012

200 : Attraction First or Second?

The first basis of a relationship is attraction?
Agree or Disagree?

A friend of mine talked to me about her problems recently.
A friend of hers started showing signs of wanting to get together with her, they have been close friends for almost a year and she has never thought of him in a relationship way. He is a really nice guy, someone that even i know will take care of her but she has no physical attraction towards him. If he really pop the question to her, she really doesn't know what to do.

Would you say yes or no to him if you were her?
Knowing you have no attraction towards him and the risk of jeopardizing the close friend relationship is just right there if it doesn't work out.

A few people said that attraction is not everything but isn't it important to spark the relationship?
I really hope she can find the right choice..



  1. I believe that attraction do comes first @@...

  2. lol... she is doubting...

    my theory is, when in doubt, say no.. lolllllll

    cos if he is the one for you in your opinion, there wont be any doubts.. lol... first impression also doubt liao then later on sure got more problem one then will blame herself only in the end... but doubt after the first impression means that guy got personality problem.. lollll.. that one will be delt later la..

    but for now i think its gonna be a NO..

    and i think attraction is a major issue! :) so defo a first not second :)

  3. attraction do comes first. if she doesn't have any feelings for him, even how good he can be, its going to hurt both parties.

    Worst, she might have to deal with the guilt wreck in the future. What is best is to tell the guy how she feels, and how she hope the relationship can go on.

    It's like that in relationships, what is best is for them to both have more time to explore if they are suitable for each other.

  4. say NO lor. if it's supposed to happen you wont hesitate wan la.

  5. One word: F-R-I-E-N-D-Z-O-N-E!!!

    It's so typical for 2 close friends. 1 falls for the other, but unfortunately the feelings are not mutual.

    So that guy will just have to realize it, and should be cool with the fact of staying friends. Coz I'm sure you know by now that feelings change like nobody's business hahaha. Who knows? that guy might not even like her anymore in 6 months..

  6. Herm... I think attraction does play a role till a certain extend, but it should be mutual. Unless... That guy can turn things around... As the saying goes, right time, wrong guy. Wrong time time, right guy. If he's the right guy, maybe its the wrong time... then he should wait... be patient =)

  7. I'm having the same problem here.

    I've gone through 4 dates with the same man. Amazing conversations. Time flies when we're chatting. However, I never thought of him in a sexual way. It just wasn't there.

  8. Not really. sometimes, it takes time to create such attraction/spark. Love/like at first sight doesn't always work, so can't really depend on it. Give the other party couple of chance before u finally say no. Who knows the spark might be there but just too dim to be notice :)

  9. Thanks for all the advice Alex, Tuls, Tempus, Kayson, Jboy, JokerPJ, Immigayrant and Soul232! I shall advice her accordingly! Muacks! Love you guys! <3 <3

  10. to me, i think she should take the initial step before the guy.

    Dropping hints that she will never, ever wanna date him.

    Thats what i did, pretending to be oblivious that he likes me, and jokingly mention from time to time that thank goodness you r not my bf, or this is y i will nvr date you- in a joking way.

    At least save the guy for an embarrassing fall. And you knwo most guys, if they din get it their way, they will stop the friendship, due to the girl will b a reminder of him screwing up.

    IF he continues to pursue and pops the question, at least you have soften the impact.

    So i think the best is to hint him before he asks for a relationship. If he gets it, he will stop wasting everyone's time and will not blame your girl for leading him.