354 : Huggies and Happy Chinese New Year!

Quite an interesting day today was.

Waking up to kisses and hugs, my parents were already busy preparing for the arrival of Chinese New Year, mum in the kitchen cooking since 8 while dad cleaning up the prayer altar. I helped out all I could and when it was time, I took the car and made my way out.

Parked and waited for him for a bit. Hop into his car and everything felt so surreal. He drove to a nearby shopping mall and had Nando's, table for 2?

Went back to his place and he gave me a present, a pair of zara jeans! XD
Kisses and hugs end in cuddles.. I think..

Till the 14th!

Mustache fun! Rofl! 

How was reunion dinners for those who celebrate?

Happy Year of the Snake!

May you find prosperity and happiness in the year.

Off to the Snake Temple on the strike of midnight!
Love,
Leount!

324 : You.

You.
You are the guy i will actually admit I fell for after penguin.
The person i once look forward to talking to every day and night.

But before any proper feelings could develop, you shot me down. You told me "Why? Fell for me dy?".
Just that sentence made me feel like crap. Like i was that desperate little boy going after you..
Maybe i was? I started trying to kill off the feelings yet we still talk often.

We always sounded excited when we planned to meet, at least i was.

First time we plan to meet up.
I was on my way to meet you after uni. My train ticket was already validated since I took the train to uni and i was quite excited to finally meet you after talking about it the day before. I messaged you confirming everything before I boarded the train and you told me you had to cancel since you were busy..

The next time we planned to have dinner together, You agreed you can confirm dinner plans before 6.. I messaged you to confirm and you only replied at 7 something, by which i was already home eating dinner since it felt like you didn't want to confirm it..

Right after we both finished our exams I told you i was free on Friday, you told me you will let me know. The whole exam period you talked to me and sounded excited to finally have a chance to meet.. The whole Thursday and Friday I kept checking my phone for a confirmation reply.. Nothing...

Stood up 3 times..

It sucks how i feel damn stupid yet i'm not angry at all. Could be my own imagination of your affection towards me.
I'm often stood up but coming from you, it just hurt..

Stupid for me to be expecting anything right? You clearly told me no..
People said mean things about you but i know you aren't. You are a really nice loveable person which might just be the reason i fell..

Little more than a week till our paths will never have a chance to cross again and with that said i don't think we will meet at all.. Just.. not meant to be..

Like a friend said, I really give up finding someone. Countless times where I ever really love, I would be left broken while the other walks around undented.. It fucking sucks, it feels like there is something majorly wrong with me, like i'm really meant to be alone.. There must be something about me that kills their emotions, people don't tell you they like/love you and just take it back the next day right? Or do they?..
Nonetheless, I'm pathetic..

You found me through this blog, i wonder would you ever read this..
Missed chance.
Your banana boy,
Leonut. =(

249 : 2012 ½

Its only little over half a year and I'm already dreading this year to the max.

This first fuck that happen to me in this year would be B. Being able to spend the first day of the year with him, I thought it was a sign of a good year ahead, that the whole year would be just as happy as i was on that day. It was just a belief that i had.. I was wrong.. Everything fell apart and i was broken.

Its been already half a year but uni still feels as foreign to be as Egypt. There is nothing to look forward to and I only have 2 close friends which are from the same college as I was. I know everyone would say i should go out and make friends, that i shouldn't be so 'keep-to-myself' type and just talk to people. Hell! If you know me personally, you would know I can just talk to anyone and make friends. Some how for people here.. You just get a vibe from them that they are really.. uninterested?
Basically its the whites look down on you because you are asian and they think they are better then you, The people from China people look down on everyone just because they are from China, the Indonesians are like glue to each other and it is almost impossible to find glue as strong as theirs, and the Singaporeans look down on Malaysians due to obvious reasons.. (Sorry if i offended anyone but that how my friend and I see it..).

White > China > Indonesians + Singaporeans > Malaysian

lol?

I do have Malaysian friends but since everyone is having different course, you seldom see each other in Uni.

Due to the emotional problems in the beginning of the year, i didn't manage to join a dance club since they only take members in the beginning of the semester. I am so deprived of dancing, it just leaves me like a zombie most of the time. Dancing in your room is not the same as dancing in a studio with proper choreography. I really need to start dancing again..

I realize how I'm drifting away from my Malaysian friends. Its like what happened to be during college. Everyone in my high school went to HELP while only a handful of us went to Taylor's and other colleges. Since everyone is together in HELP with their own cliques, you aren't really notice when you are gone and slowly forgotten, which is exactly what is happening now. Everyone is busy with their own exams, performances and activities, its hard to talk to them. When I do manage to talk to them, they are talking to other people and i only get replies few mins a time.

Most people wont be in Malaysia when i get back too. Most of them are heading to UK for studies. I have 3 dance partners. Currently, one is in New Zealand, one is on the her way to Germany and another UK. Awesome... There is also this guy which i was close to that is going overseas which i miss dearly..
 

I literally blocked someone off from ever contacting me in anyway possible yesterday.. Initially we were really close then i realize i was using him as a rebound, so naturally i told him about it and true enough, my feelings for him faded. We were still friends at first but i could feel he was still hopping for something to happen from the way he talked to me. No matter how i tried to tell him nothing would happen he was still hopeful and trying. I don't want him to waste time on me and move on with his life and i didn't see any way to force him to it since he never listened.. so i blocked him.. He was crying so badly yesterday and my heart just sank..
If you are reading this.. I'm really really sorry..
I'm an asshole.

I changed so much in this half year and i don't like what i'm changing to..
I don't like you 2012..  Hopefully the next half a year would be good to me.

The end of the world better not be 2012!! If the world were to end, at least be a good year!! Not some depressing year!! 2013. Half a year more!

Leonut!

165 : Gayzoned?

Everyone seems to be using the term Friendzoned now, thanks to a certain popular website...
But what do you call a gay person who fell for a straight guy? Shall we make up a name for this?
Gayzoned?

I've talked about this guy named S before, since he is reoccurring on my blog, I shall give him a proper name, Sam.

While back ago, I fell for Sam but of course him being straight I kinda let go pretty quickly. Sam is a really fun type of guy, sporting in his own unique way, making him really cute, not to mention he does have looks and the body.. The bloody hot lean muscular body..

Anyways, I just wanted to ask you guys, have you been gayzoned before??

In my case, Sam really gayzoned me.. Not to say I love him in a relationship way but he is the type of person that makes me feel happy when i am around him. Always cracking jokes and all to me. He tells me all his problems and vice versa. I've told him i am gay and he is still so cool about it. He still hugs me when he sees me, and he does the stupiest actions to entertain me.. Example, when i was skyping him, he, being shirtless decided to show me how he can flex his pecs and make them dance.. hot...   Nice to have a friend which is so cool about who i am la.. Not many straight guys accept the "I'm gay" sentence very well..

This tend to lead me being bias towards him. He joined a dancing competition a few days ago. Before I left to Australia, i used to pull him aside from everyone else in the dance studio and gave him dance techniques and pointers so he would win.. and he did.. First place. Proud of him.

So in a way, Sam gayzoned me. I kinda always love him in a way. If he was gay i would tackle him already.

I've asked a Powerful blogger if he would turn Sam gay already. Hopefully he can la.. Or not i will go find a bomoh maybe?..

So my question, Have you guys been gayzoned before? Or any better names for "gayzoned"? We shall make it an official term.

Love,
Leo

74 : Bi curious?

As i've stated in my last post, im crushing on another straight friend.
My usual thoughts told me its just a fling, enjoy what i can and move on but somehow this toke a weird twist.
I was online one day when i heard the usual facebook buzz rang. It has him.
"Eh ck! i just notice your profile, its complicated?"
"Damn long time ago la.. lazy to change, later got all the comments and all"
"Lol, i want change and see what i get."
"Then when you change i change with you"
"Booyah!!" 

Me, Him

2 seconds later, Please confirm relationship status with *****.
All i could say is Wtfffff... lol *click accept* :P

So now im in a fictional relationship with the guy im crushing on.
Kinda bittersweet dont yea think? So far im getting lots of commnets but heh, as long as im "with" him.

Yes, i am confirm he is straight
What wonders me is do you think he is bi curious? . Seldom see guys willing to expose themselves to others as being gay.

Ahhh... <3 you!
Klex

73 : Heart's direction

Being the usual insecure person, my heart is indecisive.
Like a compass, it points to any magnets that it gets too close to..
Currently i just feel so frustrated with myself, frustrated for being who i am, frustrated for liking all the wrong people.
Whyyyyyyyy?? I keep asking myself as i spend time with my heart's new target.
Dejavu.. Seems like i've blogged the same content before but the emotion roller coaster I'm ridding seems to have made a stop at horror land again.
Currently someone stole him away as i was teaching him a dance and im feeling loneliness..
Damn it.. MAKE A DECISION HEART!!