271 : Tired..

Came back home from dance..
Don't even know if i past my auditions, screwed up as usual...
Sat down facing my laptop and I'm here..
Tears rolling down my cheek, dripping off my chin, darkening the colour of my jacket upon contact..

I'm just tired...

There is just this feeling that i feel everyday..
A feeling of emptiness waiting to be filled by a presence,
Of love perhaps? of warmth and affection only a hug by someone special can give.
or maybe jealously..
Of what so many people have found which my every attempt just ended so pathetically..
I can't tell..
It's just a feeling of something out of place..

Assignments piling up, date dues drawing near..
Knowledge I'm suppose to know in classes just aren't there..

I joined dance to escape all the stress and worries but it manage to catch up with me.
Asked to help choreograph and partnerwork dance with no partner..
The stress of not meeting their high standards etc..
My brain isn't delivering like it suppose to me..

Been procrastinating everything..
What am i doing with my life la?..

I want to go home..

270 : Peter Pan

Was watching Peter Pan today.

At the end of the movie,
Wendy said :

"Oh, mother, We are back! All except the lost boys, they weren't quite ready ; to grow up! That's why they went back to Never Land ; But i am ; to grow up!"

°◦°◦◦o◦◦°◦°

Really got me thinking..
I am hell not ready to grow up..

I really don't have much to look forward to in the future..
It's not like i can get married, have my own child and all that..
I got my education part already laid out on a silver platter and yet I am really not looking forward to see what i will be doing in 5 years time..

And people say surrogate mother and all that but..
Whose sperm?.. Yours or your partner's?
And if you get two child with both your own sperm and partner's with same mother..
That's the fear of them not getting along and bias'ness and all that..

Been thinking of the future alot lately..
About where i will be, who* i will be with etc..

Lol,
I'm thinking too much for my age..

Leonut.

268 : Greetings

Many ways you can greet a person.

The Hand Shakes
The most formal way you can greet a new acquaintance. Holding the person's hand with a firm grip with a stern "shake", to convey respect to the other person. Don't go giving your hand like you have some golden zombie princess hand, no crap energy whats-so-ever like you are force to. Most pissing off is when that person just brushes the palm of your hand when you want to shake their hand as a formality. Next thing I'm going to greet you with my hand wide open full force against your face!

The Hugs
My favourite way of greeting someone. Nothing like a warm hug to warm both souls! It kinda became a practice to me to hug close friends no matter how often i see them.. Lol

The hand wave
5 fingers extended and palm wide open, waving your hand frantically to attract the attention of the unexpected person to greet them. I have a few friends that love to wave when you see them, no matter how close by.. Even when standing an arms length apart they will still wave excitedly to my face with a big smile of their face saying "HIIIIIIII!!!~~~". It sounds really stupid but its actually really fun to do. haha!
Also another way by lifting your hand just slightly to acknowledge they other person. :)

The Body Contact
Any form of body contact. An arm over the shoulder, a fist bump, a chest bump, a belly bump, or an ass slap.. People have their own unique way of expressing themselves with a little body contact.

The Fucker
The bloody ass fucker that says hi to you only when you greet them because they think they are all mighty and you are unworthy. Most insincere nut cases in the world. And when you do greet them, they say "hi" with the most dead tone and look away right after or just plain ignore you. Seriously? My friend and i greeted a guy from my college class in uni a few days ago and he just walked away. Like seriously wtf. Thinks he is so muscular buying tight clothes but all he has is his man boobs to be cupped like a bra he solely deserves to wear from all the tight clothes he is wearing.

The Others
Kissing?.. lol

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Just a few ways of greeting someone.
The fucker is annoying the shit out of me..

How do you greet someone?

Love,
Leonut

268 : Anuptaphobia

Anuptaphobia Noun

1. The Fear of staying single.

 ~°~◦◦o◦◦~°~

There are few types of people, 

People who are :

-Looking for a partner, 

-Looking for a sex partner,

-Waiting patiently for a miracle,

-Happily attached, and,

-Not so loyally attached.. 

Not exactly a phobia I have but as many of us in the plu world who are not looking for a one night of lustful fun, I'm waiting for a miracle.. Lol

Isn't Bellatrix just Sexy??

Was talking to a close friend a few weeks back and somehow we ended up making a promise to each other.

Like Snape and Narcissa making their life bond promise,

Assuming our market value deprecation leaves us with a near minimum netbook market value in 11 years,

We agreed if we are still single by the age of 30, 

We would get together.. Lol


Quite funny now I think about it, yet scary at the same time..
Wonder where everyone will be in 10 years time.
What i will be doing, will I enjoy work etc..

The future is scary isn't it?..

Leonut.

267 : A friend

Meet M beginning of last year during orientation day.
Few guys on the stage and he stood out as the big buffed sized one.
I joined the club and later learned that he was of high influencing power in that club.

Charming smile and an outgoing personality,
He was instantly liked and respected by everyone.

Before I came here for studies,
My friend wanted me to come out to M..
I don't know why she was so excited, or using M's fav words, sexcited. She set up everything, made us sit down and me opposite him across the small coffee table. She sat in the middle of us looking at both of us, fidgeting impatiently.
When i told him, his reply was "Oh. Could have guessed already la".
He was really cool with it and we went to buy stationary together, talking about things he wanted to know and about his gay friends.

He actually promised me to hook me up with his friend if I told him I was gay during the Christmas party.. Wonder is the offer still up, or was it only valid during his drunk state, either way.. I'm too embarrassed to ask..

Anyways, its quite funny at times, i don't know is it intentional but he often forgets about my sexuality. Few weeks ago he mention ordering a Mail Order Bride for me.. But boobs just ain't my thing i guess.. Got to have a firm chest and a penis (firm or not) for me.. Hahaha

He is just the type of person that i can always have a heart to heart with. That day he offered to walk me back to my home to get my passport so i could enter the casino. Really nice of him eh?

Now he wants me to have collaboration with him for a project and I am freaking out!! If i don't meet his standard or other people's standard.. I feel so pressured yet sexited to be working with him.. He told me he really believes that i can do it.. First person to have so much hope in me..
The stress!! >.<

No, i do not have a crush on him..
But i can say he is really hug-gable..

Just a random post to appreciate him..
I should do this more often to thank people for being them.. =D

Teehee!
Leonut

266 : 2 Types of Parties

Been so busy these few days that i hardly even spend time at home besides sleeping anymore..
Had two parties last week, a drunk party & games party.

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The drunk party was spontaneous.
After a club meeting on a thursday evening, the committee members went to have dinner together (Just note that the brunch manager of the Papparich i went to looks like Jaychau but hotter.. Will get a pic one day). After the dinner the president decided it would be a good idea to have a drinking session at his place on a Thursday night and surprisingly, class or no class on the next day, a lot of us followed up with his plan.

Bought liquor from the local store and the drinking games started.
First girl to K.O, she took out her phone and started showing people pictures of her cat, domokun and fish, which someone proceeded to ask her had she ate her fish for breakfast, her reply, "Not Yet".
First time getting tipsy, everything seemed like a good idea.. The xbox wasn't loading and i was up front pressing the "continue" button on the TV screen thinking it was touch screen.. Followed up with replying group whatsapp messages and tipsy texting to someone.. I'm sorry to the guy that received my text... :(

Everyone did stupid things and only one person vomited..
Compared to the Christmas Party last year, this was seem so mild.. Lol

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Apparently another group of friends planned a buffet dinner and party for my friend's birthday on Saturday during my tipsy session and i didn't remember reading anything..

Saturday itself someone wrote the attendance list on whatsapp and i went "O.o.. am i suppose to be somewhere right now..?".. And i had to be at the casino for dinner in 30 mins.. When i met new people they were "so you the drunk guy that texted all those stuff.." Embarrassing..

Rush to iron my shirt and made it on time.
After dinner, i watched my friends lose or gain money, then we went to my friend's house at 10pm.

Played Charades. I was so mean, we made M do all the funniest actions for his team members to guess, 'Kim possible' and 'Fergelicous'

Imagine a really muscular guy putting a sharp boobs gesture on his chest over and over a gain trying to imitate Kim Possible's sharp boobs or trying to make people guess her song 'call me beep me if you want to reach me', just to have everyone scream "CALL ME MAYBE??"..
We then made him snap his finger and act all sexy with "Fegelicious"..

Can't find those moves anywhere else but Cherades..  lol

Ended the party with 3 hours of Mafia till 4am.. Went back to the casino for drinks and then proceeded home..
Got screamed at by drunks on my way home, scary shit but i guess that's what i get for walking back alone at 4 something.. Thank god they weren't hostile..

____________________________________________________________

Anyways, just two really differnt types of party i went to.
Prefer to be at the second one.. everyone was playing games and laughing together.
Quality time with friends. =D

Happy Monday Blues
Love,
Leonut

LOVE YOU LCW!!

265 : Stepping on Heads

Its been only my second class, unfamiliar faces fill the dance studio as everyone claim's their own spot facing the mirror. Glares were directed towards me, the odd one out, mostly through the full length mirrors. Could be because everyone was wearing grey, black or white and i was wearing bright blood red too.. Who knows?.. lol..

The night before Lex called me, asking me if i would help him choreograph his urban style piece as he needed help with partner work. I gladly agreed, been ages since I did partnerwork.

Still rusty from the 7 months break, was trying to keep up with the Lex's signature fast and unique choreography, which also includes his fav hip trust and body rolls, he knows he is sexy. :P
I made a mistake along the way and Lex stopped the class to correct me..
And then it happened..

"Oh! By the way, everybody, this is Leonut, he will be my co-choreographer for the next performance piece we will learn soon, say hi!"

OMG!! Its like people have been here since the beginning of the year, taking class every week and a newbie comes in, does mistakes and gets to choreograph with Lex.. Adding the fact that this dance club has a reputation of being extremely competitive.. I felt like i terpijak people's heads and got upgraded.. Maybe I am thinking too much but its kinda true..

Honestly i am terrified if i don't meet with the standards.. I would be letting Lex down and everyone else too..

Another thing is I manage to get in the performance dance without going through auditions and castings.. I really hope its because I manage to reach the required level and not because of my long close friendship with Lex..

Just a little rant..
Been really busy lately..
Happy Thursday everyone!
Leonut