Saturday, 21 April 2012

196 : Confrontation..

Its really weird how life works..
How things fall in place as if its planned by the little forces existing around us.

On my way home from university yesterday, a sudden cloud of sadness just hovered over my head. Memories of penguin just flowed into my mind and occupied every thought. The more i recalled the thicker the cloud grew and feelings within me stirred.. I really thought I okay, I haven't thought about penguin for almost a week before this. When i got home, "I Miss You" by Blink-182 played on my laptop and tears just started flowing... I missed the times we went out together, the times we held hands, the times we shared.. Peculiarly, the feelings just left as fast as it came.. Within a few minutes, i felt fine and normal. My day went on as usual.

As night came however.. something happened..

"Penguin has signed in on skype", the familiar yellow frame slowly crept up on the bottom right of my screen.. Damn i shouldn't have seen it.. My heart sank on the spot. I never blocked him from my skype because of his inactiveness. I pulled myself together and went to watch a movie with my brother.

Half way through when i got back, i noticed he sent me a skype message..
My heart was beating so fast and yet i replied him..
We talked like normal, as if nothing happened and soon the conversation died off.

I gathered every bit of courage i had and i confronted him..

"Were you with XXX when you and I went out together?"

He actually explained everything to me..
Everything he said would sound so cliche if i wrote more but stupid as it is, i believe him..
Something made me feel like he was telling the truth..
Maybe its my feelings for him?..
Deep down i still miss him alot...
After everything I finally found closure..
A heavy burden of questions and confusion finally left and my shoulders felt light..

I know I am no longer his muse..
But..
I wish...

Leo.


16 comments:

  1. am i your penguin , bcoz tuls is my lover?

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    Replies
    1. Yor.. You got tuls dy i dont want you! :P

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  2. As much as we try to reason with ourself, the heart always wins... Perhaps thats what make us what we are... We live, true to our heart, you will be fine =)

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  3. Remember, we deserve someone better.

    Though there are ups & downs in every relationship, a rough start just indicates one thing..."he's not the one for us..."

    Have a great weekend to you !

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    Replies
    1. Hope you had a great weekend too! =)

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  4. hmm, you chose to believe him, cause deep down, it would make u feel better, unconsciously you might not have trusted him, but then ur defense mechanism is blocking those thoughts, to prevent you from being hurt again.
    Ya allah, my psychology interpretation came again....><

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    Replies
    1. I will take psychology one day.. then can talk terms with you.. haha!

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  5. I think Orange-wee nailed it there!!! Whether we choose to know it or not is really beyond us (because as he pointed out, the mind knows and you can't stop it from knowing) as for whether we choose to acknowledge it... I'm just going tell you to exercise caution from now on. All part of growing up, I'm afraid, little boy. :(

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    Replies
    1. Thanks cyren.. But am i that young to be called little boy?.. :P

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  6. as long as you believing him wont leads you to wanting him back, then i suggest you believe in him for the sake of your mental well being. lol

    Plu world is rather daunting, like cyren said, exercise caution.

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    Replies
    1. What if wanting him back lead to me believing him?.. =/

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  7. there there...

    iPad pats...

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