Thursday, 24 November 2011

114 : Choices..


I'm not denying it, in 3 months time, I'm leaving to Australia, the decision is final, and somewhat compulsory.

My future is planned from the start, the day i was born, the planners had decided the path i will take, scratch that, the path my siblings and i will take. My kindergarten, primary school, high school, even tuitions, each guided and weightage of my opinions were taken to a minimum. I do pity my older sister, being the oldest sibling in the family, she was legacy in the family.  She went for classes and tuitions that my mum sent, and my twin brother and i didn't if my sister did not progress from the tuition. She was the experiment guinea pig if you may.

I look up to my sister, and i love her dearly..


She is homophobic.. So are my parents but lets focus on my sister now..

I'm suppose to join my sister in Australia..
I am suppose to stay with my sister and my brother when i go to Melbourne to study. It would save a ton of money and can greatly reduce the pressure on my family's financial liquidity. Her even homophobic boyfriend who i secretly dislike might be joining us to. Okay.. get back to point..

I have a choice.. To go to Melbourne to study or to Perth..

If i go to Perth i would be free from any family pressure what-so-ever, i have been with my twin every step of life since birth and i would seriously love to have freedom.. but i would be breaking my sister's heart.. She has been excitedly planing for our arrival since a few months ago.. Finding places to rent and setting aside money to buy furniture. I dont have any friends going to Perth and I'm honestly terrified of going there without any support. What if i face an emergency? My closes family member would be 4 hours away.

If i go to Melbourne, i would have to stay with my sister and it would be bloody awkward. I tired outing to her a few weeks back and she has regarded it as "a phase" which annoyed the hell out of me. I have friends in Melbourne and I have my sister to guide me along.

Honestly i dont know what i'll choose..
I dont know if my given freedom of choosing a University is an illusion..
Will i have the guts to stray from my planned route?..

3 months,
Till then,

You are in genting now.. The trip i was suppose to go with you, we would be cuddling by now.. I remember how happy i was when you invited me to go with you... I woke up depressed again.. Wondering if everything that had happened was just a dream..


  1. It's always good to make a fresh start. If you do, few years from now you'll realize you did the right thing. Of course that wouldn't be easy. I would strongly say that you choose Perth. Few years back, I was in the same situation. And I'm glad I chose the right thing. It wasn't easy at first. But I'm independent now. And I have my freedom.

    But in the end, it all boils down to what YOU really want and not other people's opinion. Whatever you choose, good luck! *hugs*

  2. I agree with Aiden. Make a decision that you yourself will be happy about, not to make other ppl happy.

  3. You have a twin brother? Cool... I bet you two are very close. Well, life is all about making choices. If life was easy, where would all the adventures be?

  4. wait.. not twin sister meh?

    anyway.. go with perth.. :)

  5. each have their pros and cons, depends on you ultimately. XD

  6. Perth. I used to be in your situation before and in the end of the day, i am regretting that i did not choose what i want, rather by following what had been installed for me.

    If you had the chance to do something you like, just go ahead, not many chances come and by just like this ~~ Anyhow good luck to you in your future undertaking ~

  7. 1)do what you want to do. Do not care of others opinion even if its you parents. No point of them paying so much money for something you do not like to do and end up regretting it.

    2)I would suggest to go to Perth. Be independent, have time for yourself and i also suggest staying in a student house/accomodation for a year or so. By doing that you get to make more friends, expand your social network. If you don't like Perth, move to Melbourne.

    3)You say you got 3 months before you leave? use this time to do internship or volunteer work. explore around, expose yourself to what you really want and this will help improve your cv when you want to find job in Aus.

    Just my opinions and my regrets. Hope all work well for you and all the best! take care!

  8. Haha. My suggestion's gonna be biased since I was from Perth (The world's greatest city to study!! =D)

    On advise to making your decision, choose with the belief that there is no such thing as a mistake. And rest assured that that's a fact! =D

    Happy choosing!

    P.s.: For those who wants to dispute my statement about Perth.... BRING IT ON!!!!!! =D

  9. Haha yes i think Aiden is the perfect person to talk to about going overseas and being independent!

    Everyone here is saying Perth, but I think it boils down to how independent of a person you are.. as in are you used to having a lot of family support in terms of physical, emotional etc. Or if you don't really need the family presence and can make friends easily and get along with other people, then of course go with Perth haha!

    Personally I would choose Melbourne because I like to have that support system when in a foreign country.. also because I'm generally not a risk taker and I'm not the outgoing, socializing type.. I think you will have your freedom eventually, even if you miss out this chance..

  10. Wow! Kaylex, I can really relate with your situation.

    Most people here are telling you to go to Perth yeah?

    I'm in Melbourne, and I love it. My older brother and sister also used to study in Melbourne, but they returned to Indonesia just before I started studying in Melbourne. So that's the point of difference between us.

    My older brother is pretty religious. He's very involved in church youth groups. My older sister has expressed negative view of gay people, even though I haven't come out to her yet.

    In 7 months time, my younger brother will start his studies and join me here. So, there goes freedom and privacy.

    I'll come out to him when he visits me next month and I don't know whether he'll be okay with that. So you can say my current situation is the reverse of yours.

    I want him to come. I want to take care of him and do my family some favor.

    Anyway, I'd say that Melbourne does have a bigger gay community, and its people are among the least homophobic in the country.

    This is important because if you choose to stay in Australia after graduation, you might want to be in the community where it is least homophobic.

    Not that you can't move to Melbourne after graduation, but being in Melbourne from studying gives you a better chance to build connection and support system in Melbourne, and local knowledge.

    Plus Melbourne has the highest ranking uni in Australia (Melbourne University), and the largest (Monash University).

    Victoria (Melbourne's state) also has the largest population of international students in Australia (28%), so there are more facilities and services that cater to international students needs.

    Hope this helps!

    Check these out:

  11. Choose what you want for your future. Always remind yourself don't regret after the decision is made and you need to overcome whatever difficulties faced in future. Fighting! It is your life, don't be a puppet. It is just my opinions. Anyway, all the best and good luck for your choice :]

  12. Tough call. Are you the adventurous kind of guy ?